Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 611
05-09-2012, 09:53 PM
I've got 2 for you Evil70th:

my latest:
Mission Name: Somewhere in Time
Author: Drogyn1701
Level 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSKGXR2GE
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes

and an oldie but a goodie with far too few plays:

Mission Name: Over There
Author: Drogyn1701
Level 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HNFFDQEKB
Estimated Mission Length: 1 Hour Plus
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 612
05-09-2012, 11:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
I've got 2 for you Evil70th:

my latest:
Mission Name: Somewhere in Time
Author: Drogyn1701
Level 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HSKGXR2GE
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes

and an oldie but a goodie with far too few plays:

Mission Name: Over There
Author: Drogyn1701
Level 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HNFFDQEKB
Estimated Mission Length: 1 Hour Plus
Hi Drogyn1701,

Thanks for the review request. Your missions are 2 and 3 in the queue behind chooch99. I hope to get started on the queue tomorrow night and should be able to get to your missions shortly after that.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
--------------------
To:Evil70th
From:chooch99
Subject: KDF contest mission review request
--------------------
I would be honored if you could review "The Last Centurion" by chooch99. It's my first KDF mission after 11 fed ones, and is for the contest from Gates of Stovokor.

Klingon Mission - The Last Centurion
Author: chooch99
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HGQWH7XJF

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design, some tough but glorious battles throughout. The story dialogue is good and I noted only a few spelling errors here and there. I would definitely recommend this mission to all Klingon faction players who like a good story, with a little humor here and there along with some glorious battles thrown in for good measure.

The use of the response button “Continue” is a bit of an issue in this mission and should be reevaluated by you as to the places it is used. The other issue that you should consider working on is the “Optional” dialogue with a variety of NPC’s on most of the ground/interior maps. I mention using trigger objects to initiate the optional dialogue as a means of allowing the player to interact with an NPC and then have the dialogue option go away after. If you are not sure how to do this there is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC. There are several great tutorials on that website for the Foundry and several ways to work around many of the limitations. I highly recommend it to all authors. It is a great resource.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good and very intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear indication of where to go to meet with the first NPC. The follow on tasks indicate a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with these tasks.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a great use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Flashback-Boarding Actions: This is a good map design with a nice battle and some very well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Seeva, Satanna, Stonn, Saavik, and Information Console dialogues to optional by using trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with each NPC or console. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC or console dialogue and you will not have to make it part of the storyline.
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Some of the uses are appropriate for the dialogue but others need to be looked at again.
-The "Saavik" dialogue; consider changing "He holds his guts as if she was trying" to read "She holds her guts as if she was trying".
-The "Searching Computer" console appears to be about knee height in the platform. It looks odd.

Flashback-Boarding Actions 2: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I only wish there was a way to change the General with a dead body or not based on the choice you gave. I will have to research that possibility.
-Consider placing the crate that was masking the Romulan’s head on the previous map back on this map or place flames where it was as well.
-Consider changing all optional dialogue to trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with the NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC.
-Consider making the Satanna dialogue part of the story. If the player chooses to read her dialogue before talking to the General it doesn’t flow with the story.

Warp Ambush: This is an interesting map design with a glorious battle. The story dialogue is limited but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the ambush to be triggered by the player moving forward. You could then have the warp effect disappear as the enemy engages the player. This would look better than battling at warp.

Drozana: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all optional dialogue to trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with the NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC.
-Daimon Bobo keeps beaming in. I realize this is a limitation of the Foundry effect but consider removing it.
-The same issue with Centurion Saavij.

Your Bridge No More: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing all optional dialogue to trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with the NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC.

Hijacked Ship: This is a good map design with a glorious battle. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-At least one of the Klingon ships seemed to be using Hirogen weapons. Consider changing it to another race.

Jailbreak: This is a great map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Some of the uses are appropriate for the dialogue but others need to be looked at again.
-Consider changing all optional dialogue to trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with the NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC.
-Ensign Valor is sitting on top of a tool box of some kind. It looks odd.
-Several of the Klingon enemy is labeled “lt” vice “Lt” like the others.
-Satanna keeps beaming in. I realize this is a limitation of the Foundry effect but consider removing it.
-The "EMP burst" dialogue; consider changing "naussicans" to read "Naussicans" and "lethaans" to read "Lethaans".
-Consider changing "The good news is, i copied the cloaking device" to read "The good news is, I copied the cloaking device".

The Hunt for Saavij: This is a good map design with tough but glorious battles. The story dialogue was well written and a nice wrap to the mission.
-Consider placing respawn points further into the map.
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Some of the uses are appropriate for the dialogue but others need to be looked at again.
-The "Hail IKS Vor'ToK" dialogue; consider changing "Qua'pla" to read "Qa'pla".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 614
05-10-2012, 08:37 PM
Thank you for taking the time to make this detailed review!

I'll look into your suggestions for sure.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 615
05-10-2012, 11:13 PM
Alexandria Incident edited, spelling and grammatical errors corrected.

Thanks again!

Now that the challenge is over perhaps you can take a look at Sisyphean Ordeal, my temporal loop mission.

As always these comments will help to improve this and future projects.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 616
05-10-2012, 11:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chooch99 View Post
Thank you for taking the time to make this detailed review!

I'll look into your suggestions for sure.
It's no problem. Your mission was really well done and I enjoyed the play as well as the review.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 617
05-10-2012, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gingie
Alexandria Incident edited, spelling and grammatical errors corrected.

Thanks again!

Now that the challenge is over perhaps you can take a look at Sisyphean Ordeal, my temporal loop mission.

As always these comments will help to improve this and future projects.
Hi Gingie,

I'm glad my review of the Alexandria Incident helped.

Thanks for the new review request. Your mission is currently 3rd in the queue behind drogyn1701. I plan on starting those missions tomorrow night and with luck I’ll get to yours on Saturday.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 618
05-11-2012, 01:07 PM
You did such a phenomenal job helping me with my last mission that I had to post this new one here that I’ve had brewing for months. Had to completely re-do the beginning. I had made a prison map from scratch and then the new FE hit and it had a prison and mine was not even close to that level of epicness so I decided to scrap it and tweak the story.

Mission Name : Predetermined Coincidences
Author: Dewey001
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HDIK40BWK
Estimated Mission Length: 1hr30mins +
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Very story/plot driven. I actually hope you find some plot holes/lack of logic for certain things as something tells me they are in there and I’m just not seeing them as the story is already in my head haha.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 619
05-11-2012, 03:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewey001 View Post
You did such a phenomenal job helping me with my last mission that I had to post this new one here that I’ve had brewing for months. Had to completely re-do the beginning. I had made a prison map from scratch and then the new FE hit and it had a prison and mine was not even close to that level of epicness so I decided to scrap it and tweak the story.

Mission Name : Predetermined Coincidences
Author: Dewey001
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HDIK40BWK
Estimated Mission Length: 1hr30mins +
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Very story/plot driven. I actually hope you find some plot holes/lack of logic for certain things as something tells me they are in there and I’m just not seeing them as the story is already in my head haha.
Hi Dewey,

Thanks for the review request and welcome back. You are currently 4th in the queue behind Gingie. I hope to get rolling on the reviews this evening. I don’t have to be up in LA until Sunday morning for the commercial shoot so I have tonight and most of Saturday to work on the queue. I’ll post here in the forum as soon as I finish it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 620
05-11-2012, 10:56 PM
Sorry for the delay in the reviews folks. It was a long day at work today and I am beat. I have started Somewhere in Time by drogyn1701. I will finish it in the morning and post the review here.

The current queue following that mission is;
2. Over There by drogyn1701
3. Sisyphean Ordeal by Gingie
4. Predetermined Coincidences by Dewey001

I will get back to the queue in the morning.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:28 PM.