Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 KDF: Borg Blitz
05-20-2012, 04:30 AM
Hi.

I'm not much of a forum lurking guy but do like to announce the release of my KDF mission "Borg Blitz".

STO wiki page here

"The player is called to the T'Kanis nebula to join forces against the Borg. The general in command of the strike force, a Gorn General named Ss'Aggh, orders the player to penetrate deeper into the nebula in an attempt to find out why the Borg seem to be appearing out of nowhere.

While the player gathers answers, the rest of the strike force is being called to defend the Qo'noS system, where the Borg now have turned up. The player soons joins the conflict there, but arriving late, things have already turned bad there, and after saving a few distinguished members of the Klingon society from their disabled shuttlecraft, the player is ordered to deliver them to the border of Federation Space.

There, the player is asked to join a combined Klingon / Federation counter attack based on the player's gathered data to cripple the Borg's advantage and save the Klingon Empire from a certain fate."


I put in quite some work, and I'm quite content about how it turned out.

Feel free to provide feedback etc, above all: enjoy!

cheers.



ps. I have created an earlier mission, which was my first Foundry brew: Outpost Gaia. Needless to say, this new mission has a bit more polish and spunk.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppetX
Hi. I have two missions I like to have reviewed.


Mission Name: Borg Blitz
Author: PuppetX
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Klingon
ST-HOS2KY4WS
Estimated Mission Length: 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Mission text: "The Borg presence in the T'Kanis nebula is a well known thorn in the side of the Klingon Empire, but things are about to get a whole lot worse. Borg numbers have suddenly greatly increased, and a full blown invasion of the Omega Leonis sector is imminent. Even the Federation is feeling the threat. Things are looking dire, but is this really a no win situation?"
Klingon Mission - Borg Blitz
Author: PuppetX
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOS2KY4WS

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with great maps that with some tweaking here and there will become outstanding. The story dialogue is well written and with a little tweaking here and there will be outstanding as well. The battles, both optional and required are tough but glorious. A few of them need to be a little batter balanced but they are still a lot of fun. I would recommend this mission to everyone who likes a good mix of story and fighting that keep the player engaged throughout the mission.

Below on two of the maps I mention changing the optional dialogue to be triggered by hidden objects vice NPC’s. The optional dialogue is an outstanding part of storytelling however the presence of all the optional NPC dialogue icons floating over them all can detract from the great map designs you went through the trouble of creating. Using the hidden object to trigger dialogue will allow the optional dialogue to be removed based on being triggered or if the player moves on to another map event that you set as a trigger to remove that dialogue. If you are not familiar with how to do this there are several great tutorials available on Starbase UGC.

There is one minor point that I wanted to bring to your attention. I noted some places in the dialogue where the response button or the dialogue itself did not seem quite Klingon. I usually would not bring this up as every player has their own interpretation of what Klingon dialogue is. There were two places in the dialogue in particular that you should consider changing. The first was Worf’s response "bum me out", which detracted from the mood of the story at that point. The second was the response buttons on the “Dilithium Refueling Station” map that stated “word to Picard” and others like that. These responses felt odd to me and I felt detracted from the serious nature of the story at that point. Otherwise I felt immersed in the story from start to finish.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Many warriors have already gathered, and are as we speak engaged in combat" to read "Many warriors have already gathered, and engaged in glorious combat".
-Consider changing "The Empire shall be Glorious" to read "The empire shall be victorious".

Mission Task: This is a good mission task with the start location of the first custom map indicated. Consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
T'Kanis Nebula: This is a great map design and I understand the story imagery you are trying to create with the additional enemy groups appearing where the player can see them however depending on the player’s tactics the extra high level enemy units appearing that close to the required engagements is a bit overwhelming. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "General Ss'Aggh" dialogue; consider changing "but I'd rather just want to pass you your orders" to read "but I'd rather just pass you your orders".
-Consider changing "As you probably know, The Borg have been an unwanted presence in the Nebula for some time, but so far we did manage to keep them in check" to read "As you probably know, the Borg have been an unwanted presence in the nebula for some time, but so far we have been able to keep them in check".
-Consider changing "All of a sudden, however, their numbers have inexplicably increased and they are moving out of the Nebula apparently with the intent of striking in full against the Klingon Empire" to read "However recently their numbers have inexplicably increased and they have begun a full scale invasion of the empire".
-Consider removing the extra enemy group that appears as soon as the player finishes off the required engagement. There are more than enough optional enemy engagements to satisfy the most battle hardened Klingon player. Having the second high level enemy appear right on top of the player is not a challenge, it’s overwhelming and annoying.
-Consider changing the response button "let's go find out" to read "Let’s go find out".
-In the post battle dialogue you used the response button “Continue” at least three times. Take another look and see if there is a better response for the player to those particular dialogues.
-Consider changing the response button "Set a course for Qo'Nos" to read "Set course for Qo'noS".

Qo’noS System: This is a good map design with many optional, tough, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider spreading the optional enemy engagements further away from each other. The good guy ships get slaughtered pretty quickly when several high level enemies are almost right on top of each other.
-One of the shuttle rescues with survivors; consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Take another look and see if there is a better response for the player to those particular dialogues.
-Consider changing the "Worf" dialogue "bum me out" to something more Klingon. As it is currently it detracts from the story.

Klingon - Federation Border: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In the initial dialogue consider removing some of the response buttons or adding more dialogue to them when clicked. For example the “Worf” button appeared, as t is currently written, to be unnecessary to the story.

Dilithium Refueling Station: This is a good map design. The dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by an object vice an NPC. This will allow the player to interact with each of the meeting attendees and then the conversation option will disappear once the player has interacted with them. This will also allow you to remove the optional dialogues once the player clicks "OPEN THE MEETING". Then when that dialogue is complete there will only be the Admiral Gavin dialogue remaining. It will look better to the player as well. If you are not sure how to do this there are a number of tutorials regarding this on Starbase UGC.
-Consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".

T'Kanis Nebula: Invade!: This is a great map design with lots of glorious optional battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the optional enemy ship engagements a little further away from the Borg complex so when the “Transport” button appears they do not have to engage.

[b][color="Red"]Borg Phase Rift Installation: This is a great map design with several challenging, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Be careful about the wandering setting on the Borg. The player could be trying to read your dialogue when the wandering Borg decides to attack.
-There are plenty of battles while going in to the complex to conduct a scan but none as we destroy the consoles. Consider adding a few more battles as the player makes their way back across the installation destroying the consoles and not just at the end.
-Consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".

I.K.S. Hr'aal: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that wraps the mission up nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by an object vice an NPC similar to the recommendation on the “Dilithium Refueling Station” map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/26/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
05-27-2012, 03:44 AM
I've made several tweaks based on Evil70th suggestions, addressing the most important issues first.

Space Combat should now be more balanced: pop-up Borg groups should spawn further away from the player now, well beyond aggro range.

Some Borg groups don't wander anymore, so that they won't interrupt dialogue.

I will work on fixing some dialogue later on, when I have more time.


-- update 28-05

I've fixed dialogue and buttons to be more "Klingon". Where appropriate, changed the default "Continue" to either a proper response or a "[more]", and in case of the end of a conversation branch, when the button leads back to the initial conversation prompt, to "[continue]".

Also added a couple encounters on the final combat map, for added action during the "destroy console" phase.

Cheers!
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