Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 661
05-21-2012, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Not sure if you do Klingon missions Evil70th, but here's my latest if you do:

Mission Name: Raktajino in a Jar
Author: drogyn1701
Level: 16+
Start: Ganalda System, Eta Eridani Sector Block

Summary: Taking a Ferengi captain's stash of gold-pressed latinum sounds like great idea, right? Think again! Accused of murder most foul, you must navigate treacherous females, the Ferengi legal system and the psychotic filled prison to get free of the mess you created.
Hi Drogyn1701,

Thanks for the review request. As a matter of fact I do Klingon missions too and you are now 4th in the queue behind PuppetX. This week as started out pretty crazy at work and I am beat. I’ve got my last class for one topic tomorrow night and homework for the first class of the new topic starting on Friday. So I may not get to the queue at all until Saturday morning bright and early. At least next Monday is a holiday so I can hopefully catch up by then.

Sorry everyone for the delay. This has already been a long week and it’s only Monday.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 662
05-22-2012, 10:13 AM
THANKS so Much for the Review I will work on these things and fix the Mission. I understand the feeling of rushed at the end. I was thinking it was getting too long for folks to play.

Hopefully I will have these items fixed soon so I can re post.
I hope to do more and better.
NATE
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 663
05-22-2012, 05:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captwannabe
THANKS so Much for the Review I will work on these things and fix the Mission. I understand the feeling of rushed at the end. I was thinking it was getting too long for folks to play.

Hopefully I will have these items fixed soon so I can re post.
I hope to do more and better.
NATE
Nate,

Glad I could help. Don't forget the wonderful resources here and on Starbase UGC. There are many great authors who love to help others because they know that the stronger we are together the stronger the community.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Hey Brian,

If you have time with all you do, I did a reverse spin on my Argus Array daily mission for the Klingon
Faction.

Name: Argus Array Sabotage Daily
Any Level / Klingon Faction


I added a computer core to the arrays interior and added a little combat and demolition tasks.
Just what every healthy and happy Klingon wants.

Still very quick like my Fed version. I really wanted to post a Klingon mission, and it seemed like
the best way to break the ice.

Please give it a go if you have a chance. Your review is of course optional, and not required if you
are too busy. Thanks.

Craig aka: Duke-of-Rock
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 665
05-24-2012, 11:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Hey Brian,

If you have time with all you do, I did a reverse spin on my Argus Array daily mission for the Klingon
Faction.

Name: Argus Array Sabotage Daily
Any Level / Klingon Faction


I added a computer core to the arrays interior and added a little combat and demolition tasks.
Just what every healthy and happy Klingon wants.

Still very quick like my Fed version. I really wanted to post a Klingon mission, and it seemed like
the best way to break the ice.

Please give it a go if you have a chance. Your review is of course optional, and not required if you
are too busy. Thanks.

Craig aka: Duke-of-Rock
Hi Craig,

Thanks for the review request. You are 5th in the queue behind drogyn1701. I'm never too busy to do a review, they just may be a bit slow in coming. I am actually taking a vacation from work starting tomorrow through next week so I should be able to catch up on the queue sometime in this coming weekend. A much needed rest, at least according to my boss.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 666
05-24-2012, 12:20 PM
Baaaah, I need to get back into the Foundry to start working again... got stuck on 5th map of the U.S.S. Explorer (first map i made that features playermade enviroments, unless you count the occasional console in the previous maps and the crates i placed to block out a placeholder objective that resolved itself manually)

Edit: Though, I have to say, I'm impressed with what I did there. True, the Mission Debriefing Code idea originated from Nagorak's Atlas Affair, but I took it to the next level -and- made the storyline branch more than any map I've played so far (who ever gave you not one, but TWO ways of getting stuck in the brig? xD)
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
At the request of the author Digimstr I have placed the mission review for Klingon mission "Assault from Earth Part 1" on hold. This mission will be resubmitted for review when ready.

Thanks for the update Digimstr,
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppetX
Hi. I have two missions I like to have reviewed.


Mission Name: Borg Blitz
Author: PuppetX
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Klingon
ST-HOS2KY4WS
Estimated Mission Length: 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Mission text: "The Borg presence in the T'Kanis nebula is a well known thorn in the side of the Klingon Empire, but things are about to get a whole lot worse. Borg numbers have suddenly greatly increased, and a full blown invasion of the Omega Leonis sector is imminent. Even the Federation is feeling the threat. Things are looking dire, but is this really a no win situation?"
Klingon Mission - Borg Blitz
Author: PuppetX
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOS2KY4WS

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with great maps that with some tweaking here and there will become outstanding. The story dialogue is well written and with a little tweaking here and there will be outstanding as well. The battles, both optional and required are tough but glorious. A few of them need to be a little batter balanced but they are still a lot of fun. I would recommend this mission to everyone who likes a good mix of story and fighting that keep the player engaged throughout the mission.

Below on two of the maps I mention changing the optional dialogue to be triggered by hidden objects vice NPC’s. The optional dialogue is an outstanding part of storytelling however the presence of all the optional NPC dialogue icons floating over them all can detract from the great map designs you went through the trouble of creating. Using the hidden object to trigger dialogue will allow the optional dialogue to be removed based on being triggered or if the player moves on to another map event that you set as a trigger to remove that dialogue. If you are not familiar with how to do this there are several great tutorials available on Starbase UGC.

There is one minor point that I wanted to bring to your attention. I noted some places in the dialogue where the response button or the dialogue itself did not seem quite Klingon. I usually would not bring this up as every player has their own interpretation of what Klingon dialogue is. There were two places in the dialogue in particular that you should consider changing. The first was Worf’s response "bum me out", which detracted from the mood of the story at that point. The second was the response buttons on the “Dilithium Refueling Station” map that stated “word to Picard” and others like that. These responses felt odd to me and I felt detracted from the serious nature of the story at that point. Otherwise I felt immersed in the story from start to finish.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Many warriors have already gathered, and are as we speak engaged in combat" to read "Many warriors have already gathered, and engaged in glorious combat".
-Consider changing "The Empire shall be Glorious" to read "The empire shall be victorious".

Mission Task: This is a good mission task with the start location of the first custom map indicated. Consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
T'Kanis Nebula: This is a great map design and I understand the story imagery you are trying to create with the additional enemy groups appearing where the player can see them however depending on the player’s tactics the extra high level enemy units appearing that close to the required engagements is a bit overwhelming. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "General Ss'Aggh" dialogue; consider changing "but I'd rather just want to pass you your orders" to read "but I'd rather just pass you your orders".
-Consider changing "As you probably know, The Borg have been an unwanted presence in the Nebula for some time, but so far we did manage to keep them in check" to read "As you probably know, the Borg have been an unwanted presence in the nebula for some time, but so far we have been able to keep them in check".
-Consider changing "All of a sudden, however, their numbers have inexplicably increased and they are moving out of the Nebula apparently with the intent of striking in full against the Klingon Empire" to read "However recently their numbers have inexplicably increased and they have begun a full scale invasion of the empire".
-Consider removing the extra enemy group that appears as soon as the player finishes off the required engagement. There are more than enough optional enemy engagements to satisfy the most battle hardened Klingon player. Having the second high level enemy appear right on top of the player is not a challenge, it’s overwhelming and annoying.
-Consider changing the response button "let's go find out" to read "Let’s go find out".
-In the post battle dialogue you used the response button “Continue” at least three times. Take another look and see if there is a better response for the player to those particular dialogues.
-Consider changing the response button "Set a course for Qo'Nos" to read "Set course for Qo'noS".

Qo’noS System: This is a good map design with many optional, tough, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider spreading the optional enemy engagements further away from each other. The good guy ships get slaughtered pretty quickly when several high level enemies are almost right on top of each other.
-One of the shuttle rescues with survivors; consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Take another look and see if there is a better response for the player to those particular dialogues.
-Consider changing the "Worf" dialogue "bum me out" to something more Klingon. As it is currently it detracts from the story.

Klingon - Federation Border: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In the initial dialogue consider removing some of the response buttons or adding more dialogue to them when clicked. For example the “Worf” button appeared, as t is currently written, to be unnecessary to the story.

Dilithium Refueling Station: This is a good map design. The dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by an object vice an NPC. This will allow the player to interact with each of the meeting attendees and then the conversation option will disappear once the player has interacted with them. This will also allow you to remove the optional dialogues once the player clicks "OPEN THE MEETING". Then when that dialogue is complete there will only be the Admiral Gavin dialogue remaining. It will look better to the player as well. If you are not sure how to do this there are a number of tutorials regarding this on Starbase UGC.
-Consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".

T'Kanis Nebula: Invade!: This is a great map design with lots of glorious optional battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the optional enemy ship engagements a little further away from the Borg complex so when the “Transport” button appears they do not have to engage.

[b][color="Red"]Borg Phase Rift Installation: This is a great map design with several challenging, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Be careful about the wandering setting on the Borg. The player could be trying to read your dialogue when the wandering Borg decides to attack.
-There are plenty of battles while going in to the complex to conduct a scan but none as we destroy the consoles. Consider adding a few more battles as the player makes their way back across the installation destroying the consoles and not just at the end.
-Consider changing "Q'plah" to read "Qapla’".

I.K.S. Hr'aal: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that wraps the mission up nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional" dialogue to be triggered by an object vice an NPC similar to the recommendation on the “Dilithium Refueling Station” map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/26/2012 on forum posting for: KDF: Borg Blitz.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 669
05-26-2012, 01:15 PM
Thank you! And thank you for your suggestions, I will certainly address the issues you've identified. Balancing the space maps has been very tricky while authoring already, I maxed out on placable groups and it still didn't feel like there were massive battles going on. I can certainly spread out some groups a bit and make the pop-up groups spawn further away from the player.

Also, thanks for the suggestions for rephrasing some of the dialog entries. Inglese it not my native tongue though I like to believe I'm doing well on that front, it does show, sometimes.

And thanks all in all I do think you will find my other mission a lot less serious, more crudely designed, and pretty silly overall, and I really need to rewrite the mission description and a number of other things. Your input will be most welcome there!

Thanks again!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 670
05-26-2012, 05:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppetX
Thank you! And thank you for your suggestions, I will certainly address the issues you've identified. Balancing the space maps has been very tricky while authoring already, I maxed out on placable groups and it still didn't feel like there were massive battles going on. I can certainly spread out some groups a bit and make the pop-up groups spawn further away from the player.
I understood what you were trying to do with the appearance of all the BORG it really was only the ones that appeared almost right on top of the required fighting. Those were the ones I felt you should give a little space too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppetX
Also, thanks for the suggestions for rephrasing some of the dialog entries. Inglese it not my native tongue though I like to believe I'm doing well on that front, it does show, sometimes.
I suspected that English was not your primary language when I read some of the dialogue but I have to say despite that you did a fantastic job with the dialogue. I enjoyed reading it and playing the mission as a whole.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppetX
And thanks all in all I do think you will find my other mission a lot less serious, more crudely designed, and pretty silly overall, and I really need to rewrite the mission description and a number of other things. Your input will be most welcome there!

Thanks again!
Actually I just finished it and will be posting the report shortly. The mission is really good with just a few, as you put it, “silly” things that I recommended you correct. Otherwise I have to say that mission is also really good. That report will be posted right after I complete this one.

Glad I could help, and thanks for authoring.
Brian
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