Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Two missions in as many weeks!?! It's true. This time it's my first finished KDF mission:

Mission Name: Raktajino in a Jar
Author: drogyn1701
Level: 16+
Start: Ganalda System, Eta Eridani Sector Block


Summary: Taking a Ferengi captain's stash of gold-pressed latinum sounds like great idea, right? Think again! Accused of murder most foul, you must navigate treacherous females, the Ferengi legal system and the psychotic filled prison to get free of the mess you created.

A fairly quick story mission with a mix of talking and combat.

Made for the Gates of Sto'vo'kor Ferengi contest.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Not sure if you do Klingon missions Evil70th, but here's my latest if you do:

Mission Name: Raktajino in a Jar
Author: drogyn1701
Level: 16+
Start: Ganalda System, Eta Eridani Sector Block

Summary: Taking a Ferengi captain's stash of gold-pressed latinum sounds like great idea, right? Think again! Accused of murder most foul, you must navigate treacherous females, the Ferengi legal system and the psychotic filled prison to get free of the mess you created.
Klingon Mission - Raktajino in a Jar
Author: drogyn1701
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HB9OPIL3R

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map design, glorious optional battles and well written story dialogue. Even though this felt more like a Federation mission in some places I would still recommend this mission other players. It was fun ride from start to finish.

I mention the use of the response button “Continue” in several places. As most every author who has read my reviews knows that it a pet peeve of mine. I am pretty sure you are aware of it so I won’t belabor the point here and just refer you to the specific map notes below.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the author’s notes to [OOC] so they stand out apart from the description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The initial grant and follow on dialogue are well written. Be careful with the final response button as that felt more like a Federation response than a Klingon one. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task but consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Cowrk System: This is a good map design with a good battle and well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” on the initial dialogue. It felt out of place for the BOFF dialogue. Consider changing it to an acknowledgment of the BOFF report.

Ke’Ri Mountains: This is a great map design with glorious optional battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” on the initial dialogue. It felt out of place for the BOFF dialogue. Consider changing it to “Weapons ready” or something along those lines. There were also a few more times it was used. Consider reviewing the use to see if there may be a better alternative.
-The map transfer dialogue NPC is my ship science officer but the dialogue indicates they are standing here with the away team.

Cowrk System: The map design is good and the story dialogue is well written. Perhaps it could be combined with the next map using the initial portion with the ship already at warp and then coming to the outpost the BOFF refers to. This would reduce the number of map transfers for the player.
-The use of the response button “Continue” on the initial dialogue. It felt out of place for the BOFF dialogue. Consider changing it to an acknowledgment of the BOFF report.

Neutral Outpost: This is a very nice map design but as on the previous map, the dialogue is way too short to justify the map. The player enters; fly’s across the map and then changes maps again. I think you could combine this map with the other and use them being at warp as bridge for the conversation, then they arrive at the station. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Neutral Outpost: This is a good map design and the dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” on the initial dialogue. It felt out of place for the BOFF dialogue. Consider changing it to an acknowledgment of the BOFF report.
-Consider adding triggered optional dialogue with the other patrons.
-The map transfer dialogue NPC is my ship science officer but the dialogue indicates they are standing here with the away team.

Mollei’s Quarters: This is a good map design with a nice engagement. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the trigger for the door and the Captain Ferel to when the player approaches the Mollei. I noted the door closing and “Interact” button as soon as I entered the quarters so I interacted with the door and engaged Captain Ferel.
-Consider changing the “Interact” button for the door to read “Open door”.

Ferengi Courtroom: This is a really good map design and the story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point seems to be a meter or so in the air. When I spawned I noted that I dropped a meter or so.

Prison: This is a great map design with glorious optional battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” on the initial dialogue. It felt out of place for the BOFFs dialogue that followed. Some of them worked but it felt as if the player let too much pass between his BOFFs prior to interacting.
-Consider changing "Once we start the riot, we'll need to pisition ourselves" to read "Once we start the riot, we'll need to position ourselves".
-The "Gorn Prisoner" dialogue; consider changing the response button "let's get in position" to read "Let’s get in position".
-The "Disable the Fence Post" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Everyone ready" or something along those lines.

Drayar System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and it is a nice wrap up to the mission. I did feel the dialogue could stand to have a little more story to it but overall it was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission; it was a lot of fun. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/27/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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