Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDAZOK9BJ

----------Report Start Part 1-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with some very good map designs and extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but there are several spelling and grammatical errors that need to be fixed. I am sure I caught most of them below. Despite the issues with the spelling and grammar in the dialogue I would still recommend this mission too other players. It was fun.

I mention the battle being extremely tough. You need to balance the enemy mobs a little bit, especially on the "Surplus Depot Z16" map. This doesn?t mean you have to cut back on the number of enemy just balance them between weaker, medium and high level mobs. Having 2 or 3 high level mobs in a row can become tedious. If it is extremely difficult on Normal then it would be nearly impossible on Elite. On the "Surplus Depot Z16" map when I engaged the "Assimilation room" enemy mobs I got killed 5 times while engaging the first group in the room. That became very tedious quickly. The way you had the map set up it would be hard to place respawn points deeper into the map without them being triggered before the player got very far into the map. I?ve never checked the range from a respawn point that triggers it to become active. I may have to check. :smile:

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. You may want to add a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "This is a federation ship graveyard" to read "This is a Federation ship graveyard".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], you probably know about our surplus depot policy. These are old ships graveyards" to read "[Rank], you may have heard of the Federations Z16 surplus depot, knick named the starship grave yard".
-Consider changing "We don't destroy them for maintenance issues, since some of these old classes ships are still used to patrol along our frontiers with the Klingons, the Borgs, or the Romulans" to read "Most of the ships mothballed there are used as spare parts for other ships, of the same classes, that are still in use patrolling the borders with the Klingons, Borg, and Romulans".
-Consider changing "We recieved one hour ago a distress signal from the Z16 surplus depot. It's probably a minor issue, but we can't contact our engineering team there" to read "We received a distress call from the engineering team stationed at the depot and then immediately lost contact with them. It may be nothing but we cannot take that chance".
-Consider striking everything that follows "I want you to investigate".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Go to the Europani system, in the Regulus sector block, and try to contact the engineering team of the Surplus Depot Z16[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Go to the Europani system, in the Regulus sector block, and check up on the engineering team at Z16[/MissionInfo]"

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "in the Sibirian System !" to read "in the Sibirian system!".

MAPS:
Surplus Depot Z16 System: This is a good map design with good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Strange readings" dialogue; consider changing "sensors are somewhat overflowed here" to read "sensors are somewhat overloaded here".
-Consider changing "Somone did that, it's an emergency program that the Z16 station can initiate in case of emergency" to read "It's a program that the Z16 station personnel can initiate in case of emergency".
-Consider changing the response button "Romulans ?" to read "Romulans?".
-Consider making the "Collect data from destroyed ships" individual tasks with dialogue after each regarding what, if anything, was found by the link".
-The post "Collect data from destroyed ships" dialogue; consider changing the response button "The what ?" to read "The what?".
-Consider changing "Borgs" to read "Borg".
-Consider changing "I suggest the ship remains on red alert, sir" to read "I suggest the ship remain on red alert". This needs to change in both branches of dialogue.
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Find evidence of borg attack[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Find evidence of Borg attack[/MissionInfo]". This needs to change in both branches of dialogue.
-Spread the enemy mobs just a little further apart.

---------End Report Part 1----------
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 02:48 PM. Reason: Format error in Forum posting.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDAZOK9BJ

----------Report Start Part 2-----------

Surplus Depot Z16: This is a nice map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "This room is clear of borg presence" to read "This room is clear of Borg".
-Consider changing "We may get access to what?s left of internal sensors systems, I see a secondary computer access here" to read "I see a computer console near the door. We may be able to access internal sensors there".
-Consider changing the mission task "Check internal sensors reading" to read "Check internal sensor readings".
-The post "Check internal sensors reading" dialogue; consider changing "We can?t access to the sensors of the station from this console, [Rank]" to read "This console is unable to access internal sensors, [Rank]"
-Consider striking the line "The assimilation room".
-Consider changing "People crying for help, desperately, and the borg doing their dirty job" to read "There are people crying for help in the room just down the hall. The Borg are assimilating them".
-Consider changing "We have to save those people, sir, They are starfleet. They are people, flesh and blood, not machines" to read "We have to save those people, they are people, flesh and blood, not machines".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Clear the way to the command center, and rescue the starfleet officers stuck in the assimilation room[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Clear the way to the command center, and rescue the Starfleet officers being assimilated[/MissionInfo]".
-The approach the "assimilation room" dialogue; consider changing "Sir, I feel sick, let?s do that quickly so that we can leave this horror as soon as possible" to read "Sir, let?s stop the Borg from assimilating these people".
-Plot point; there is no mention in the dialogue of "Hacking Borg nodes" but there is a mission task directing the player to do so. Consider adding dialogue to the initial dialogue that mentions accessing the Borg nodes.
-Consider changing the mission task "Hack borg nodes to get acess to the command center" to read "Hack Borg nodes to get access to the command center"
-The battles need to be better balanced. There are too many high level enemy mobs on the entire map. I got killed 5 times before I was able to beat down one group in the "assimilation room". It is difficult on Normal and would most likely be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing the interaction button "Hack borg node" to read "Hack Borg node" throughout the map.
-Consider changing "Does some starfleet officers still fight here ?" to read "Are there still Starfleet personnel fighting here?".
-Consider changing "Now, we should be able to access to the sensors of the station in the command center" to read "Now we should be able to access the sensors from the command center".
-Consider changing "I hope we won?t have to fight any longer, the team looks a bit exhausted" to read "The team is exhausted, we need to finish off these Borg".
-The post "Collect dada" dialogue; consider changing "The main computer memory bank was damaged during the borg attack, [Rank]" to read "The connection to the computer?s main memory bank was damaged during the Borg attack, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "We only have an access to secondary systems" to read "Only secondary systems are available".
-Consider changing "We need to fix it" to read "We?ll need to fix the connection to access the sensor data".
-Consider changing the response button "No other option ?" to read "No other option?".
-Plot point; following the above response button from the player, which asks the question "No other option?" there is no further dialogue responding to the player. That seems odd. Consider having the science BOFF say "I?m afraid not, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "Phaser blasts, hurry up !" to read "Phaser blasts, hurry up!"
-Plot point; the line "Phaser blasts, hurry up" causes the player to run down the ramp and into a force field preventing them from assisting the Starfleet personnel fighting the Borg in the room. There is no indication of lowering the force field by hacking the nodes, which leaves the player to figure that out by reading the mission tasks. Consider adding dialogue to the "Phaser blasts, hurry up" dialogue that indicates the need to hack the Borg force field controls.
-Consider rotating the nodes on the left side of the passageway so they face in like the other nodes on the right side.
-The post "Attempt to lower the forcefield" dialogue; consider changing the response button "We can?t be responsible for every death happening" to read "We cannot prevent every death".
-The "We have a mission" response button dialogue; consider changing "Yes sir ! Memory banks first, sir !" to read "Yes sir! Restore the memory banks first, sir!".
-Consider changing the response button "Irony ? Millions of lives may be at stake" to read "Irony? There may be millions of lives at stake".
-The "We can?t be responsible" response button dialogue; consider changing "Understood. But I still feel bad when our fellow officers die for no reason" to read "Yes sir, but it feels as if they all died in vain".
-Consider changing the response button "We may save many more people ifwe focus on our job" to read "We will save many more lives if we focus on the task at hand".
-Consider moving the "Collect sensor data" console to the left. Part of the console is sticking through a bulkhead support strut.
-The post "Collect sensor data" dialogue; consider changing "Now, we can have a better insight on the current situation" to read "This data should give us better insight on the current situation".
-Consider changing "The chronometric particles we noticed are a clue about the reasons of this invasion" to read "The chronometric particles we detected earlier may be a clue to what is behind this invasion".
-Consider changing "The particles indicate that several ships were sent to the 24th century" to read "Based on sensor readings it appears the Borg sent several ships back in time to the 24th century".
-Consider changing "This would explain many things. Why would the borgs want old federation ships. And why did they left some troops here. This was a decoy, we lost time, sir" to read "This explains why the Borg wanted old Federation ships. Also the Borg forces we encountered here were intended to delay us, and they have succeeded".
-Consider changing "I know your rank, [Rank], and you could try to stop them at once, but it may be time to contact starfleet command" to read "[Rank], we need to notify Starfleet command immediately".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You may want to play[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]The adventure continues in[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Thanks for playing this mission ![/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Thanks for playing this mission![/OOC]".

---------End Report Part 2----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with the development of this mission. With some tweaking of the dialogue and adjusting the battles a little this will be a great mission. I look forward to evaluating your next mission in this series as I want to see what happens next.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 02:49 PM. Reason: Format error in forum posting.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,926
# 23
06-23-2012, 01:06 PM
LOL, why are there so many ?s in the review? xD
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 24
06-23-2012, 01:37 PM
Thanks a lot for your review and your advices. It must be boring to correct all these small mistakes. :tongue: This was very helpfull, since I had a lot of difficulties with the last prompt dialog. I knew this wasn't correct but I had no clue..

I made many changes in the dialogs, but I didn't want to remove the survival and somewhat disgusting atmosphere. The science officer will still complain, and the tactical officer will remain close to rebellion at the end. This was an intended feature, and I think I even improved it slightly, with the help of your review.

I won't make changes on the debris scanning part of the first map, I want the players to wander in this area, it's been a lot of work and there's always the tricorder scan to help people in need. :biggrin:

I gave in the difficulty on the space map, a friend complained too, this mission is intended to be played by everyone. But it was doable in elite mode, I had no trouble doing so (by mistake). My main char is a science officer with huge tanking abilities, though, so a fair review on that point is really helpfull.


Before nerfing the difficulty of the ground map, I have some techical question for you. This will help me to have a better insight. What is the carreer of the character you used for this mission ? What is your personnal weapon ? The average mark and color of your equipment / BO equipment (roughly) ? Because tactical officers have to die. If I nerf mobs enough to make tacs lives easier, other carreers will find ground combat way too easy.

Last, but not least, it's weird you didnt notice that the second part was published, it's been released for a month now. You need to be a reviewer in game, but I'm sure you are. Odd.

Again, thanks for your review. I hope the second part won't require the same amount of work on grammar or incorrect sentences. Now, at least, I know that in english, you don't have to add a space before a question or exclamation mark. In french you have to, this is why i always do this mistake.

Last edited by diogene0; 06-23-2012 at 01:42 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
# 25
06-23-2012, 03:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Thanks a lot for your review and your advices. It must be boring to correct all these small mistakes. :tongue: This was very helpfull, since I had a lot of difficulties with the last prompt dialog. I knew this wasn't correct but I had no clue..
I?m glad I could help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
I made many changes in the dialogs, but I didn't want to remove the survival and somewhat disgusting atmosphere. The science officer will still complain, and the tactical officer will remain close to rebellion at the end. This was an intended feature, and I think I even improved it slightly, with the help of your review.

I won't make changes on the debris scanning part of the first map, I want the players to wander in this area, it's been a lot of work and there's always the tricorder scan to help people in need. :biggrin:

I gave in the difficulty on the space map, a friend complained too, this mission is intended to be played by everyone. But it was doable in elite mode, I had no trouble doing so (by mistake). My main char is a science officer with huge tanking abilities, though, so a fair review on that point is really helpfull.
My reports provide recommendations on ways I feel you can improve elements of the mission. What you do with those recommendations is entirely up to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Before nerfing the difficulty of the ground map, I have some techical question for you. This will help me to have a better insight. What is the carreer of the character you used for this mission ? What is your personnal weapon ? The average mark and color of your equipment / BO equipment (roughly) ? Because tactical officers have to die. If I nerf mobs enough to make tacs lives easier, other carreers will find ground combat way too easy.
I use a tactical officer for most of my reviews and my weapons load out vary depending on the mission objectives. My BOFF contingent carries a variety of weapons again depending on the mission objectives.

The comment regarding balancing the enemy mobs comes from several elements in this mission. One of them is placing several high-level enemy mobs on the ground maps. This may seem challenging to some but I find too many high-level enemy mobs tedious as it takes a long time bring them down. This is especially true if there are no respawn points deeper in the maps.

Again these are all recommendations on how I feel you can improve the mission. What you do with those recommendations is entirely up to you. :smile:

Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Last, but not least, it's weird you didnt notice that the second part was published, it's been released for a month now. You need to be a reviewer in game, but I'm sure you are. Odd.
I am sorry if my comment at the end of my last report, ?I look forward to evaluating your next mission in this series as I want to see what happens next,? confused you. I do not go in and verify every mission submitted to the queue is present in the community mission list when it is submitted to me. That would be tedious and I already do not have enough time in a day to review enough missions, so I was fairly sure your second mission was released otherwise you wouldn?t have included it in your review request. Your assumption is correct; I am a ?Reviewer? in the game. I?ve been doing this for a while. :wink:

Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Again, thanks for your review. I hope the second part won't require the same amount of work on grammar or incorrect sentences. Now, at least, I know that in english, you don't have to add a space before a question or exclamation mark. In french you have to, this is why i always do this mistake.
You had mentioned that English was not your primary language and I kept that in mind. I have completed your part 2 of this mission series and I am currently writing the report for it. I will be publishing that report shortly. There are many of the same spelling and grammatical mistakes as well as battle balancing issues as in the first report. Despite the issues I found in both missions I had fun playing them and would recommend them to other players.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 993
# 26
06-23-2012, 03:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi grylak,

You can subscribe by clicking on the "Thread Tools" picklist menu at the top of the posting. If that doesn?t work let me know and I?ll shoot you a PM. :wink:

Off to the game for a review.
Brian
:smile:

See? I completely missed this post.


It's ok, I've found the subscribe to thread option. It's not as easy to find as on other forums, but I should be subbed to this now, so no need for any pm's.
*******************************************

A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
# 27
06-23-2012, 03:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by grylak View Post
See? I completely missed this post.


It's ok, I've found the subscribe to thread option. It's not as easy to find as on other forums, but I should be subbed to this now, so no need for any pm's.
Okay. Thanks for the heads up. :smile:
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 28
06-23-2012, 04:13 PM
One more quick question please. What should I improve the most after spelling and balance issues ? better map designs (which would probably require stories built around maps), more interesting storylines, the atmosphere in the missions, or whatever you would recommand ?

I'll leave you work on other missions now, i promise. :biggrin:
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (2/2) ;
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (2/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOTJ5LPYP

----------Report Start Part 1-----------

Summary: This is a good mission in the series with good map design and several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but, as with the previous mission, there are several spelling and grammatical errors that need to be fixed. I am pretty sure I caught most of them below. Despite the issues with the spelling and grammar in the dialogue I would still recommend this mission and the series too other players. It was fun.

Since I already addressed the battle balancing issue in the previous report I will not address it here anymore than I have already done below. Suffice to say I feel the battles need balancing.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. You may want to add a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Now that you have uncovered the first part of the borg projetcts, it's time to report to Starfleet, since you decided not to act on your own" to read "You have uncovered a Borg plot to apparently assimilate the past using old Federation ships. Report your findings to Starfleet and receive new orders".
-Consider removing "Ask for orders, and don't forget your remodulators !" dialogue.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Sir, Starfleet answered to our mission report with a set of coordinates on the emergency frequency. It's quite unusual, but something important must be happening right now. I suggest we set course to those coordinates as soon as possible" to read "[Rank], Starfleet responded to our mission report on the emergency channel. This is odd; the response is a set of coordinates and nothing else. Should we proceed to those coordinates?".

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
New earth System: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "New earth System" to read "New Earth System".
-Consider changing "Unknown ship, this is Admiral Sezzva. your are not registred into our database. However, you transponder is broadcasting a starfleet identity" to read "Unknown ship, this is Admiral Sezzva. You are not registered in our database; however your transponder is broadcasting a Starfleet identity".
-Consider changing "[Rank], this is supposed to be a starfleet outpost, not a Fleet Yard. And we have no record of an ?Admiral Sezzva?. Something weird is happening here" to read "[Rank], something odd is going on here, this is supposed to be a Starfleet outpost, not a fleet yard. There is no record of an ?Admiral Sezzva? either".
-Consider changing the response button "Let?s answer to their call" to read "Let?s respond to their hail".
-Consider changing "Unknown ship, we have detected a borg fleet incoming" to read "Unknown ship, we have detected a Borg fleet inbound".
-The post battle dialogue; consider changing "Seriously, what?s happening here ? Is that how starfleet performs against the borg now ?" to read "What?s going on here? Is this how Starfleet handles the Borg now?".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You :[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You:[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]New Earth ?" And what happened to Starfleet ? This fleet performed very poorly against the borg, although they didn?t seem stronger than usual from here[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]New Earth?" What happened to Starfleet? The fleet performed very poorly against the Borg, although they didn?t seem stronger than usual[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "Please beam on board of New Earth Spacedock, someone is willing to meet you" to read "Please proceed to the New Earth Spacedock, the President would like to speak with you".
-Consider changing "about where we are and what is happening right here" to read "about where we are and what is going on".
-Consider changing the response button "Don?t be paranoid, commander. These people died" to read "We should proceed with caution until we know what is going on".

New Earth Spacedock: This is a good map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs. There are too many high level enemy mobs on this map. It is very difficult on Normal and would probably be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing the mission task "Attempt to rescue federation officers" to read "Attempt to rescue Federation officers".
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "Sir, we are on board of this" to read "Sir, we are onboard this".
-Consider changing "there are many federation citizens, surrounded by drones" to read "there are many Federation citizens, surrounded by drones".
-Consider changing "It?s our duty, as starfleet officers" to read "It?s our duty as Starfleet officers".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Rescue as many starfleet officers as possible[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Rescue as many Starfleet officers as possible[/MissionInfo]".
-The post "Attempt to rescue federation officers" dialogue; consider changing "Should we try to reach it ?" to read "Should we try to reach it?".
-The "Commander Yuli" dialogue; consider changing the response button "But we may help eachother" to read "But we may help each other".
-Consider changing the response button "Who cares ?" to read "Who cares?"
-Consider changing "I?m attempting to counter a borg hacking" to read "I?m attempting to counter a Borg hacking".
-Consider changing "This is why I really don?t need any distraction right now" to read "This is why I don?t need any distractions right now".
-Consider changing the response button "The president ? Why is the president here ?" to read "The President? Why is the President here?".
-Consider changing the response button "What do you expect from me ?" to read "What do you expect from me?". At this point I will stop noting specific dialogue and response buttons with punctuation issues and simply note the map it is on.
-Consider changing "He came here to discuss about it with the Fleet Admiral and some of our scientists" to read "He came here to discuss your report with the Fleet Admiral and some of our scientists"
-Consider changing "[OOC]You : I?m ok to stop the map, but the defense grid and the sickbay ?[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You: I can stop the astronomical calculations and engineering protocol, but the defense grid and sickbay relays?[/OOC]"
-Consider changing the "Report to Commander Yuli" to be a communication from the commander once the player achieves the last task. It is mildly annoying to have to run all the way across the map for a single line from the NPC to go all the way back across the map to see another NPC.
-Consider changing "He will answer to your questions" to read "He will answer your questions".
-The President dialogue; consider changing "Unfortunately, this is not a fake" to read "Unfortunately, this is quite real".
-Consider changing "We?ve recieved your report" to read "We?ve received your report".
-Consider changing "Then you must know about the wolf 359 battle, [LastName]" to read "Then you must know about the battle of Wolf 359, [LastName]".
-Consider changing "Mine never saw the USS Enterprise savining Earth shortly after the battle" to read "Mine never saw the USS Enterprise saving Earth shortly after the battle".
-Consider changing "Your task is to rescue the USS enterprise, [LastName]" to read "Your task is to rescue the USS Enterprise, [LastName]".
-Consider changing "We can?t handle more borg attacks now" to read "We can?t handle more Borg attacks".

---------End Report Part 1----------

To be continued in Part 2 of this report.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 03:05 PM. Reason: Format issue with forum posting.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (2/2) ;
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (2/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOTJ5LPYP

----------Report Start Part 2-----------

Paulson Nebula: This is a good map with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues, for example "[OOC]You :[/OOC]"
-The post "Scan Area" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]federation ships have been stolen[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Federation ships have been stolen[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Do not take care of this, we will[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Do not respond, we will take care of this[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Give the borg a history lesson[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Give the Borg a history lesson[/MissionInfo]"
-The post "Destroy assimilated Federation ships" dialogue; consider changing "the borg sent a long range teleportation beam" to read "the Borg sent a long range teleportation beam"
-Consider changing "The priority should be to stop the borg" to read "The priority should be to stop the Borg".
-Consider changing the response button "This is not serious. What about the crew out there" to read "You cannot be serious. What about the crew over there?".
-Consider changing "they might think the borg are responsible about this anyway" to read "they might think the Borg are responsible for this".
-Consider changing the response button "This is a great idea, commander" to read "That is a great idea, commander".
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue response button "Got to Next Map" to read "Energize".

NCC 1701 D - USS Enterprise, Bridge: This is a good map with good battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues, for example "[OOC]You :[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "I?m testing a new head, do you enjoy it ?" to read "I am testing a new head, what do you think?".
-Consider changing "[OOC]I know you have some borg on board[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I know you have some Borg onboard[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "Don?t tell me why" to read "Do not tell me why".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You will have to say them that the borg managed to take control of the main computer to release gas[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You will have to tell them the Borg managed to take control of the main computer and released a gas[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Go to Deck 12 and remove the borg threat[MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Go to Deck 12 and remove the Borg threat[MissionInfo]".

Deck 12: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues similar to other maps.
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs. There are too many high level enemy mobs on this map. It is very difficult on Normal and would probably be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing "The borg started to assimilate the ship !" to read "The Borg are assimilating the ship!".

Paulson Nebula#2: This is a good map with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues similar to other maps.
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs. There are too many high level enemy mobs on this map. It looks as if you added additional mobs that do not count towards the total that have to engage to complete the map. That can be tedious as well. It is very difficult on Normal and would probably be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue; "I think the Enterprise is save now" to read "I think the Enterprise is safe now".

Risa System: This is a short but interesting map design. The story dialogue is very short but intriguing enough to justify it as a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report Part 2----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and part 1. With some changes here and there they will become a great mission. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 03:06 PM. Reason: Format issue with forum posting.
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