Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorbane View Post
Hi Evil70th,

I see you've got a long line of missions looking for your services and I'm adding mine to it! It's my first one so all feedback will be appreciated.

Mission Name: The Great Escape
Author: @Zorbane
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN57YTB7C
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post please in the mission thread: http://forums.startrekonline.com/sho...d.php?t=273379

Thanks
Federation Mission - The Great Escape
Author: Zorbane
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN57YTB7C

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent maps, several tough battles and outstanding story dialogue. The variety of the response buttons you used throughout the mission where very well done. I would highly recommend this mission to all players, just not on Elite. :smile:

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Outside the Sherman System: This is a great map design with very well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Captain of the Duthia" dialogue; consider changing "I got the famous [Rank] [NickName] to scan" to read "I got the famous [Rank] [LastName] to scan".

Koval - Deck 2: This is a great map design with excellent dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.

The Sewers: This is a great map design with some nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Factory: This is a great map design with some tough battles and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The console near the munitions store room is away from the bulkhead. Consider using small hidden objects in the consoles that are built into the map. This will allow you use consoles that are part of the map to trigger interactions.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.

B'Rel - Deck 2: This is a great map design with tough battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

B'Rel - Bridge: This is an excellent map design with a very tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Otha System: This is a great map design with very tough battles and excellent story dialogue. It is a great wrap up for this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Q400
This will be your ninth I guess......

Hunter Killer: Part 2/5
Faction: Federation, with Klingon version coming soon
ID: ST-HAQ4B5K6L
Level Requirment: Any
Estimated Length: 10-15minutes

Description: The Caitian Artox Carrier; bound for the Donatu System, never arrived. The Remaining Starfleet forces are spread thin. The Klingon base is still in the Empires hands - save them, save yourselves.

This will be my last mission that I will have you review for a while. I am working on a mission that will be out by August or September; I realize that it is a mistake to walk away from a series before you are finished making it.
Federation Mission - Hunter Killer: Part 2/5
Author: q403 formerly known as Q400
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAQ4B5K6L

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good albeit short combat oriented mission. The map designs are good with tough but fun combat throughout. The story dialogue is well written. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who like a mainly combat oriented mission with some dialogue in to drive the mission forward.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good, if not short, description. If possible add a little background story to it. Your goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing dialogue but perhaps too short. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and get them to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
System XR-337: This is a good map with a balanced battle. The story dialogue was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Is the lack of stars intentional? I saw dialogue to support the reason for this.

Klingon Base Interior: This is a good map design with several tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue vice NPC's. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-The first "Gather Information" console is slightly off by a few degrees and is not centered in between the two pillars of the passageway. Consider aligning the console with the passageway.
-Consider using smaller objects hidden in the consoles to trigger the "Gather Information" task. This is especially true of the large console in one central room.
-Consider breaking the "Gather Information" tasks up into individual interactions with some story dialogue following each one.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this combat oriented mission with some skip dialogue options thrown in for good measure.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 06-26-2012 at 05:07 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 73 Next in the queue
06-26-2012, 05:12 PM
The next two missions in the queue are Exploratory Crisis, by dalolorn. This mission is followed by The Jeroan Farmer Escapade, by Grylak. I hope to get to at least one of these two tomorrow. Thanks for your patience. :smile:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 115
# 74
06-26-2012, 08:15 PM
I've got my first ever mission up and would love your opinion:

Mission Name: Star Trek: Allegiance
Author: chicochavez
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQSHUM2
Estimated Mission Length: 30+ min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 75
06-26-2012, 10:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicochavez View Post
I've got my first ever mission up and would love your opinion:

Mission Name: Star Trek: Allegiance
Author: chicochavez
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQSHUM2
Estimated Mission Length: 30+ min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi chicochavez,

Thanks for the review request and congratulations on your first mission. :wink: You are currently 9th in the queue behind backyardserenade. I am working on the queue as fast as I can get through it with my real world job and school in between. I will get to yours as soon as I can and post the results here in the forum.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,835
# 76
06-27-2012, 03:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
The next two missions in the queue are Exploratory Crisis, by dalolorn. This mission is followed by The Jeroan Farmer Escapade, by Grylak. I hope to get to at least one of these two tomorrow. Thanks for your patience. :smile:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I'm two missions?

I'd have expected something more like this: "The next two missions in the queue are Chit by Chat, and Chat by Chit", it'd make more sense. :biggrin:

Or, to follow your own format more closely:

Quote:
The next two missions in the queue are Aaaargh, can't find SkyBlue unless I manually type it in, by SameThingWithLime, followed by Some blank text? , by WowIFoundLime. I hope to get to at least one of these two tomorrow. Thank you for your patience. :smile:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Edit: But if it makes sense for you, I guess I can figure it out

Re-edit: Oops, forgot the . in the last sentence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172
# 77
06-27-2012, 06:26 AM
^ I don't know, that was kinda unnecessary. A little mistake by evil, blown totally out of proportion. And it took me forever to get what you were actually talking about. :wink:

"Sometimes you have to do things that you hate, so you can survive to fight another day."
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,835
# 78
06-27-2012, 06:55 AM
Meh, got a tendency to nitpick about this stuff... :redface:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
# 79
06-27-2012, 07:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Hunter Killer: Part 2/5
Author: q403 formerly known as Q400
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAQ4B5K6L

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good albeit short combat oriented mission. The map designs are good with tough but fun combat throughout. The story dialogue is well written. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who like a mainly combat oriented mission with some dialogue in to drive the mission forward.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good, if not short, description. If possible add a little background story to it. Your goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing dialogue but perhaps too short. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and get them to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
System XR-337: This is a good map with a balanced battle. The story dialogue was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Is the lack of stars intentional? I saw dialogue to support the reason for this.

Klingon Base Interior: This is a good map design with several tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue vice NPC's. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-The first "Gather Information" console is slightly off by a few degrees and is not centered in between the two pillars of the passageway. Consider aligning the console with the passageway.
-Consider using smaller objects hidden in the consoles to trigger the "Gather Information" task. This is especially true of the large console in one central room.
-Consider breaking the "Gather Information" tasks up into individual interactions with some story dialogue following each one.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this combat oriented mission with some skip dialogue options thrown in for good measure.
Brian
Thanks, the lack of stars were intentional. I have been trying to do the optional dialouge triggers. The 'triggers' button no longer shows up on the invisible objects. The tutorials are helpful; I dont know if there is any other way of doing this.

Many Thanks,
Q400
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
# 80
06-27-2012, 07:58 AM
Also, please do not review The Omega Theorm.
" Nature Decays, but latinum lasts forever."
Original Handle: @Q400
Join Date: December 2010
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