Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,445
# 81
06-27-2012, 02:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - The Great Escape
Author: Zorbane
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN57YTB7C

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent maps, several tough battles and outstanding story dialogue. The variety of the response buttons you used throughout the mission where very well done. I would highly recommend this mission to all players, just not on Elite. :smile:

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Outside the Sherman System: This is a great map design with very well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Captain of the Duthia" dialogue; consider changing "I got the famous [Rank] [NickName] to scan" to read "I got the famous [Rank] [LastName] to scan".

Koval - Deck 2: This is a great map design with excellent dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.

The Sewers: This is a great map design with some nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Factory: This is a great map design with some tough battles and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The console near the munitions store room is away from the bulkhead. Consider using small hidden objects in the consoles that are built into the map. This will allow you use consoles that are part of the map to trigger interactions.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.

B'Rel - Deck 2: This is a great map design with tough battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

B'Rel - Bridge: This is an excellent map design with a very tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Otha System: This is a great map design with very tough battles and excellent story dialogue. It is a great wrap up for this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.

I'll start thinking about optional dialogue especially on the Koval

I have a question regarding the suggestion about using [NickName] vs [LastName].

I had used NickName because I wanted to make sure the player's "Display Name" for a lack of a better term was the one being used. For example if the player was human, the dialogue should be "Captain Picard" (Jean-Luc Picard) while if the player was Bajoran the dialogue would be "Colonel Kira" (Kira Nerys).

That was my reasoning for it anyways.

What showed up for you?
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 82
06-27-2012, 04:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn View Post
I'm two missions?

I'd have expected something more like this: "The next two missions in the queue are Chit by Chat, and Chat by Chit", it'd make more sense. :biggrin:

Or, to follow your own format more closely:



Edit: But if it makes sense for you, I guess I can figure it out

Re-edit: Oops, forgot the . in the last sentence.
My review service is free and if folks cannot figure out what I mean in any of my posts then they need to ask. Otherwise, I'm going to count it as not my problem. :biggrin:

Yes you are next in the queue. Sorry if that is not clear from the post... :wink:
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 83
06-27-2012, 04:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by backyardserenade View Post
^ I don't know, that was kinda unnecessary. A little mistake by evil, blown totally out of proportion. And it took me forever to get what you were actually talking about. :wink:
Thanks for the defense. It is appreciated... :smile:
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 84
06-27-2012, 04:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn View Post
Meh, got a tendency to nitpick about this stuff... :redface:
Come on. You are totally under selling yourself. You're nitpicky about lot's of stuff... Hopefully you apply the same nitpickiness to your mission. :biggrin: I've been pretty lucky so far with the last few missions. The spelling and grammar have all been spot on. The missions weren't bad either. :smile:

Up next in the queue... Exploratory Crisis, by dalolorn.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 85
06-27-2012, 04:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by q403 View Post
Thanks, the lack of stars were intentional. I have been trying to do the optional dialouge triggers. The 'triggers' button no longer shows up on the invisible objects. The tutorials are helpful; I dont know if there is any other way of doing this.

Many Thanks,
Q400
As always I'm glad I could help. Your mission was a lot of fun.

As for the triggers I've found having a small object, like a martini glass, or I use a bottle and place in the console to trigger the interaction. You can adjust the radius of the area of affect as well. It took me a little tweaking here and there to get it right. Just play with them over time. It isn't something that needs to change immediately as it works now I was just thinking it would be a nicer style to change to. :wink:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 86
06-27-2012, 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by q403 View Post
Also, please do not review The Omega Theorm.
Thanks for the new review request. This is a Federation mission correct? Your mission is currently 10th in the queue for review behind chicochavez. :smile:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 87
06-27-2012, 04:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zorbane View Post
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.

I'll start thinking about optional dialogue especially on the Koval

I have a question regarding the suggestion about using [NickName] vs [LastName].

I had used NickName because I wanted to make sure the player's "Display Name" for a lack of a better term was the one being used. For example if the player was human, the dialogue should be "Captain Picard" (Jean-Luc Picard) while if the player was Bajoran the dialogue would be "Colonel Kira" (Kira Nerys).

That was my reasoning for it anyways.

What showed up for you?
My [NickName], which is "Ben" for the character I reviewed the mission with. I called that because in some cases that might work if it is a trusted BOFF who accompanies the Captain on many away missions but in general I would warn against it. The reason is it can be unduly familiar from a military perspective. That would be the retired U.S. Navy Chief in me that feels that way. If the NPC has just met my character for the first time it might be odd to call them by their [NickName] as well.

I hope that helps. :smile:
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn
I'd keep the "I liked the redacted portion" for once you actually see it... :p

Edit: And yesterday's post reminds me... I have a room to fill up in the currently published part of the mission

Re-edit: I expect the mission to be completed an hour or two after I come back from school, minus the blank room. Then again, I might get that done too.

Re-re-edit: Besides, I got plenty of time before I become the 1st player in the queue.

Re-re-re-edit: Wow, I do lots of edits :O Anyway, I'm gonna resubmit my review request now (just gotta scroll back down to it and quote it, with minor alterations), making me the 10th person in the queue - just enough time to get the finishing touches done.

Aaaaand... done!

Name: Exploratory Crisis
Side: Federation
Starting Point:Vulcan System, entered from Sirius Sector Block
Rank: 46+ (features undine and borg in the beginning)
Description: Copy-pasting the static part now... "You have been called to Vulcan for emergency maintenance on your ship before proceeding to the Molera system to participate in the test flight of the U.S.S. Explorer, a new multi-vector assault vessel developed in Utopia Planitia shipyards - but will this be more than a routine mission?", and a review reply thingy where I reply to a review (picked by me if there are multiple reviews since my last update)
Author: dalolorn
Mission ID: ST-HFQQ0AGLP (HF, QQ? wtf? :O)
Estimated Mission Length: 30-120 minutes, finishing up the last
Method of Delivery: Forum Post

P.S. Have fun! And when asked for a Continuity Preservation Code (CPC) on Qo'noS, be sure to say you don't know, might give you a laugh - sure made me laugh when I was typing it

P.P.S. There are 4 different ways to play through, I think they're relatively bugproof as far as continuity is concerned. (that is, assuming you don't intentionally pick the wrong MDC fragment)

Re-re-re-re-re-edit: Huh? How did "I" turn into "U" in "where I reply to a review"?
Federation Mission - Exploratory Crisis
Author: dalolorn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFQQ0AGLP

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with well designed maps and very tough battles throughout the mission. The story dialogue is well written and I noted only a few spelling errors on the first map. The only true issue with your dialogue is the [OOC] dialogue on several of the maps that does not serve the story or mission. Specifically any [OOC] dialogue that explains why the player cannot do something because of the Foundry takes the player out of the mission play and stops your story cold. If there is something you cannot do because of a limitation of the Foundry then write dialogue that takes the player around the problem without them seeing it. That is the challenge for the author to overcome. You just need to have a little more confidence in yourself about your skills with the Foundry. You did a great job with the majority of the mission you just need to fix a few things.

Normally I would definitely recommend this mission to other players but since they cannot finish it and therefore not receive credit for completing it I cannot recommend it. If you fix that issue then I would recommend the mission to others.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Despite the inclusion of the start location in the grant dialogue you should consider adding the start location for the first custom map to the initial task. This will make it easier for the player to find it.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good prompt except for the [OOC] to discuss the reason the "Yes, of course" appears. It appears because it is entered in the map transfer button dialogue field. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue regarding the problems with the Foundry or other elements. It distracts from your story and most players will not hit you for those issues.

MAPS:
Molera System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Well i'm curious about the Explorer" to read "Well I'm curious about the Explorer"
-Consider changing "I'll gladly fill you in.The U.S.S. Explorer" to read "I'll gladly fill you in. The U.S.S. Explorer"
-Consider changing the response button "I'm a bit curious about you.." to read "I'm a bit curious about you."
-Consider changing the variety of enemy forces that attack the U.S.S. Explorer to only Klingons since they are the main antagonist throughout the remainder of the mission. The Undine, Borg, and Hirogen all attacking one right after the other is a little confusing to the story.
-There are two U.S.S. Explorer ships on the map which was a little distracting.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that explains the problem with the Foundry and replace it with story dialogue that works around those issues. The way you are currently using it distracts from the story you are trying to tell.

Player Ship - 1: This is a nice map design with a good battle and some well written dialogue at the end. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding dialogue from the player?s tactical BOFF after the battle that talks about the security teams retaking the player?s ship. It would then mention the U.S.S. Explorer boarding problem and suggest beaming to that ship. Then you initiate the transfer map with the beaming.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that explains what you cannot do in the Foundry due to lack of experience. Your map designs are good you just need a little more confidence in what you are doing. The way you are currently using it distracts from the story you are trying to tell.

U.S.S. Explorer - 1: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map transfer response button "Go to Next Map" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

U.S.S. Explorer - 2: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

U.S.S. Explorer - 3: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Yes you spelled "anesthizine" correctly according to the STO Wiki site. Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that asks if you did spell it right.
-Consider replacing the [OOC] "Placeholder message" in the dialogue with the MDC code that you indicate should be there.

U.S.S. Explorer - 4: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue "Go to Next Map" to read "Proceed to next deck?" and the response button "Go to Next Map" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

U.S.S. Explorer - 5: This is a good map design with a couple of tough battles that are made easier with the help of optional reinforcements. I like the "Commence the attack" trigger. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding an indicator in the optional dialogue with Lieutenant Gero D'hav for talking to the Klingon in the holding cell.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-The turbolift at the end does not line up with the doorway that is there.

U.S.S. Explorer - 6: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I really liked the way you had the player fight the enemy ship from the U.S.S. Explorer Bridge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There is a lot of dialogue at the start of this map after the MDC is entered but the enemy mobs attack before the player can finish reading all the dialogue. Consider adding the "Commence the attack" trigger you used on the other map at the beginning as you did later in the map. Place a barrier between the player and the enemy until the dialogue is complete and the player triggers it with the "Commence the attack" button or remove the dialogue.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

Molera System: This is a good map design and the story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Consider removing the [OOC] and [MissionInfo] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

Qo?noS System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-There is no indication in the dialogue other than what was on the other map that allows the player to finish this map. This forces the player to warp out and drop the mission so they get no credit for playing the mission, but they can still rate your mission. Consider adding something that ends the mission.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission; it just needs to be able to be finished. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 06-27-2012 at 08:13 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 89 Next in the queue
06-27-2012, 08:23 PM
The next two missions in the queue are The Jeroan Farmer Escapade, by Grylak, followed by Kai Hard, by Bazag. I may not get to either mission until next week as I am heading to Los Angles for work on Friday and Saturday. Sorry about the delay and thanks for your patience. :smile:

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 278
# 90
06-28-2012, 12:17 AM
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