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Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,882
# 11
06-28-2012, 03:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Exploratory Crisis
Author: dalolorn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFQQ0AGLP

----------Report Start-----------

1. Summary: This is a good mission with well designed maps and very tough battles throughout the mission. The story dialogue is well written and I noted only a few spelling errors on the first map. The only true issue with your dialogue is the [OOC] dialogue on several of the maps that does not serve the story or mission. Specifically any [OOC] dialogue that explains why the player cannot do something because of the Foundry takes the player out of the mission play and stops your story cold. If there is something you cannot do because of a limitation of the Foundry then write dialogue that takes the player around the problem without them seeing it. That is the challenge for the author to overcome. You just need to have a little more confidence in yourself about your skills with the Foundry. You did a great job with the majority of the mission you just need to fix a few things.

2. Normally I would definitely recommend this mission to other players but since they cannot finish it and therefore not receive credit for completing it I cannot recommend it. If you fix that issue then I would recommend the mission to others.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Despite the inclusion of the start location in the grant dialogue you should consider adding the start location for the first custom map to the initial task. This will make it easier for the player to find it.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good prompt except for the [OOC] to discuss the reason the "Yes, of course" appears. It appears because it is entered in the map transfer button dialogue field. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue regarding the problems with the Foundry or other elements. It distracts from your story and most players will not hit you for those issues.

MAPS:
3. Molera System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Well i'm curious about the Explorer" to read "Well I'm curious about the Explorer"
-Consider changing "I'll gladly fill you in.The U.S.S. Explorer" to read "I'll gladly fill you in. The U.S.S. Explorer"
-Consider changing the response button "I'm a bit curious about you.." to read "I'm a bit curious about you."
-Consider changing the variety of enemy forces that attack the U.S.S. Explorer to only Klingons since they are the main antagonist throughout the remainder of the mission. The Undine, Borg, and Hirogen all attacking one right after the other is a little confusing to the story.
-There are two U.S.S. Explorer ships on the map which was a little distracting.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that explains the problem with the Foundry and replace it with story dialogue that works around those issues. The way you are currently using it distracts from the story you are trying to tell.

4. Player Ship - 1: This is a nice map design with a good battle and some well written dialogue at the end. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding dialogue from the player?s tactical BOFF after the battle that talks about the security teams retaking the player?s ship. It would then mention the U.S.S. Explorer boarding problem and suggest beaming to that ship. Then you initiate the transfer map with the beaming.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that explains what you cannot do in the Foundry due to lack of experience. Your map designs are good you just need a little more confidence in what you are doing. The way you are currently using it distracts from the story you are trying to tell.

5. U.S.S. Explorer - 1: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map transfer response button "Go to Next Map" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

6.U.S.S. Explorer - 2: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

7. U.S.S. Explorer - 3: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Yes you spelled "anesthizine" correctly according to the STO Wiki site. Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that asks if you did spell it right.
-Consider replacing the [OOC] "Placeholder message" in the dialogue with the MDC code that you indicate should be there.

8. U.S.S. Explorer - 4: This is a good map design with several tough battles but your holosecurity squads are a big help in balancing the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue "Go to Next Map" to read "Proceed to next deck?" and the response button "Go to Next Map" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

9. U.S.S. Explorer - 5: This is a good map design with a couple of tough battles that are made easier with the help of optional reinforcements. I like the "Commence the attack" trigger. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding an indicator in the optional dialogue with Lieutenant Gero D'hav for talking to the Klingon in the holding cell.
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-The turbolift at the end does not line up with the doorway that is there.

10. U.S.S. Explorer - 6: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I really liked the way you had the player fight the enemy ship from the U.S.S. Explorer Bridge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There is a lot of dialogue at the start of this map after the MDC is entered but the enemy mobs attack before the player can finish reading all the dialogue. Consider adding the "Commence the attack" trigger you used on the other map at the beginning as you did later in the map. Place a barrier between the player and the enemy until the dialogue is complete and the player triggers it with the "Commence the attack" button or remove the dialogue.
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

11. Molera System: This is a good map design and the story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to have optional dialogue that goes away after it's been accessed by the player.
-Consider removing the [OOC] and [MissionInfo] dialogue that does not contribute to the mission. It only serves to distract the player from the mission. This does not include the dialogue that feeds the player clues or suggestions but those should be short and to the point.

12. Qo'noS System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-There is no indication in the dialogue other than what was on the other map that allows the player to finish this map. This forces the player to warp out and drop the mission so they get no credit for playing the mission, but they can still rate your mission. Consider adding something that ends the mission.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission; it just needs to be able to be finished. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Ok, let me answer this piece by piece...

1. Will probably remove OOC.
2. I wasn't aware that the reach marker objective failed. I suppose I could add an extra step to the "Hail the Bortasqu'" thingy - the instant success from the reach marker set at your spawn obviously didn't work.
3. I guess I'll have to add some extra dialogue to explain the Borg, Undine, and stuff - if I can figure out some proper ST science for the job. I think I've learnt that I need to do a full spellcheck before submitting for reviews. And as for the Explorer, I'll have to make the non-combat version a holographic decoy... or swap the hail objective out for an interact-dialogue chain.
4. Ok, thanks for the idea.
5. Oops, didn't notice that.
6. The OOC on the 2nd Explorer map, where was that?
7. You mean the Vulcan monk? I might do that once Season 6 hits with the instant interactions. As for the OOC placeholder message, I'm guessing you're referring to the optional objective with the holograms - I'm not exactly able to remove those. I originally had the player re-input their MDCs, but I swapped that out for the placeholder. Thanks for the anesthizine spellcheck, by the way!
8. Again, the security hologram commanders and Aoe'ska? As for the Go to next map thing, I can't make that branch according to MDC, so I had to go generic.
9. Ok, so my clue wasn't obvious enough. Gotta fix that. Thanks for the trigger, I'd do it on the bridge, but circumstances blocked me. This time I'm not sure about where is the dialogue, unless you're referring to the various injured dialogues from the Gerus storyline. I noticed the turbolift too, but haven't gotten around to fixing that yet. By the way, it's D'Hev :biggrin:
10. My only option on the bridge would be to add a large invisible wall at the equator (you know what I mean), but I might consider it. As for all the OOC comments you've made, it's just in my nature - can't make it much shorter than that :redface:
11. Not quite sure where the optional dialogue would be, except the Bortas - you can observe a drifting ship as long as you want, can't you? :tongue:
12. As I commented in 2., I was unaware of the issue (it did pop up once or twice during testing, but I thought I fixed it) and will fix it as soon as I get back to the Foundry.

Think I marked the parts that I responded to properly, and thanks for the bridge battle comment - though I could have sworn that I heard an explosion every time I tested - BEFORE the battle.

Edit: By the way, Word's toying with your apostrophes again? Fixed it in the quote above though.
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Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
 

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