A few months ago I made a thread in here called Python Trek, it's archived now. Someone asked me to do the Dead Parrot sketch, but I rather forgot about it until today, so here you go, whoever you were:
Starfleet Officer: *walks into the store on DS9's Promenade* Hello, I wish to register a complaint. *looks down* Hello Miss.
Ferengi Merchant: What do you mean, Miss?
Officer: Oh I'm sorry I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Merchant: Sorry I'm closing for lunch-
Officer: Nevermind that my lad, I wish to complain about this tribble which I purchased not half an hour ago from this very shop.
Merchant: Oh yes, that's the grex Rivera, what's wrong with it?
Officer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Merchant: Nah nah, it's restin, look.
Officer: Look my lad, I know a dead tribble when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Merchant: Nah nah it's not dead it's restin.
Merchant: Remarkable tribble the grex Rivera, beautiful coloring.
Officer: The coloring don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Merchant: No no it's resting.
Officer: alright then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. *holds up cage* Hello Tribby! I've got a nice piece of food for you when you wake up Tribby!
Merchant: *hits cage* There it moved.
Officer: No it didn't! That was you pushing the cage!
Merchant: i did not!
Officer: Yes you did! *pulls out tribble* HELLO Tribby!! TRIBBY!!!! *smacks tribble on the counter* Tribby!! Wake up! *smacks it again and shakes it* Tribby! *lets it drop to the floor*
Officer: Now that's what I call a dead tribble.
Merchant: No no, it's stunned.
Officer: *losing patience* Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That tribble is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that it's lack of movement was due to it being tired shagged out after a long squeak.
Merchant: It's gotta be pining for the fjords.
Officer: Pining for the fjords!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall right on over when I took it back to my quarters?
Merchant: The grex Rivera prefers keeping on it's back. It's a beautiful tribble, lovely coloring.
Officer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that tribble, and I discovered that the only reason it had been sitting so quietly in the first place, was, that it had been nailed there.
Merchant: Well of course it was nailed there otherwise it would've nuzzled up to those bars and VOOM!
Officer: *sets cage down* Look matey, this tribble wouldn't 'voom' if I put warp-plasma through it; it's bleeding demised.
Merchant: It's not..it's pining!
Officer: It's not pining, it's passed on! This tribble is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! This, is a late tribble! It's a stiff! Bereft of life it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the cage it would be pushing up the daisies! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This!...is an ex-parrot.
Merchant: ...Well, I better replace it then.
(not gonna do the rest, I think that's the best parts there)
So, hope ya'll like it, and if you have requests, as long as you don't over do it, I won't mind Trekking up other sketches. And of course, feel free to post your own.