Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 162
# 311
09-14-2012, 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.

The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, [[Rank]], I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".

S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".

Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.

Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.

Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

[Bajoran Temple] This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks, evil, for your review!

I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".


Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.

Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.

"Sometimes you have to do things that you hate, so you can survive to fight another day."

Last edited by backyardserenade; 09-14-2012 at 12:26 AM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 312
09-14-2012, 05:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by backyardserenade View Post
Thanks, evil, for your review!

I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".


Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.

Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.
The Foundry downtime was a little annoying, but I think they learned a few lessons from previous season implementations. In the end it was for the best and probably saved a lot of people?s projects. In previous seasons I heard a lot of people had lost projects during the load. For me it gave me time to start a new character in the game.

As always, I am happy to help. It is a good mission and a lot of fun and I would recommend it to other players.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
# 313
09-14-2012, 07:32 AM
Submitted for your reviewing consideration.

Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.

Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player

Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 314
09-14-2012, 10:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainazzarano View Post
Submitted for your reviewing consideration.

Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.

Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player

Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)
Hi Captain,

Thanks for the review request. I will get into your mission first thing in the morning.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 30
# 315
09-15-2012, 06:23 AM
Greetings...

Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.

Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post

Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainazzarano View Post
Submitted for your reviewing consideration.

Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.

Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player

Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map designs, tough battles, and really good story dialogue. The mission is a lot of fun and I would highly recommend it to all players who like a good combination of good stories and map design with tough but fun battles. You will enjoy this mission.

The use of maps as a story transfer point with minimal dialogue or story points. This is becoming another pet peeve of mine mainly because of the map transfer time and little story value added. I mentioned it in my Evil70th's Best Practices entry earlier in this posting. Some of the key elements; is the map necessary to tell the story? Do the elements of this map support the story? Can maps be combined and still tell the story? That last element is a key ingredient to getting around some of the other short comings all authors know of in the Foundry. For example, the "Sherman System Redux" map could be combined with the "Azure Nebula" map by using a regular space map. You could then add all the elements of the "Azure Nebula" and have them invisible. You would then have the player materialize on the map in warp space. The dialogue could be added from a BOFF reporting you are approaching the nebula. When the player triggers the "Drop from warp" the warp streaks disappear and the Azure Nebula elements appear. The effect for the interaction would be "Coming from warp". Yes this adds a little more work for the author because they have to build the Azure Nebula map but it expands the story and your control over it.

This is not just your mission, so please do not take it that way. The use of puzzles in missions can be fun or annoying depending on the puzzle or the player. Some puzzles are fun and require attention to detail to solve. Others require the player to have knowledge of certain elements or access to resources that will help them solve the puzzle. The attention to detail puzzles are fun but not for all players. In those circumstances I recommend the use of a "By pass puzzle" button. The ones that require certain knowledge or access to resources can also be fun but not to all players. Some players do not like having to do math when trying to play a game. This is another instance where the "By pass puzzle" option would be nice to have. In your case your puzzles did not completely reset to the beginning if you got some of the answer correct and missed one element. That was a nice touch and I liked that. I imagine the tree you used was not a simple one to get that to work right. However you did it I felt it was nicely done.

I noted "Optional Dialogue" used on a couple of the maps. Consider using triggered dialogue instead. This would allow the player to interact with NPCs on that map and once they do so the dialogue option disappears. You can also set it up so if certain story elements are completed then the optional dialogue would disappear as well.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue, but I recommend the initial part of the dialogue be in regular text and keep the "Mission start" information in [MissionInfo] format. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Sherman System: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider removing this map and taking the player directly to the "Station Operations" map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Station Operations: This is a really good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The fractal code was interesting but if you selected the wrong number nothing happened. It only registered a change when you selected the correct answer. Was this intentional? I'll cover a little more detail on this puzzle and puzzles in general in the summary.
-The turbolift interaction. Consider changing the "Accessing Wall Console" animation to something else or removing the interaction all together. It looks odd.

Deck C Holding Bays: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. Some of my BOFFs materialized behind the turbo lift. They were able to get unstuck but it can be annoying to have your BOFFs stuck in a map.
-The same issue as the previous map transfer interaction with the turbolift.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.

Station Ops: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. All my BOFFs materialized inside the turbo lift, but appeared to get stuck inside the turbolift, and could not follow me.

Sherman System Redux: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue the player has to move to a point and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider adding more to this map or removing the map and taking the player directly to the "Azure Nebula" map. I understand the desire to have the ship warp into the nebula on the next map but there needs to be more to the story. I will address this in my summary in more detail. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Azure Nebula: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We may be able to destroy the station be planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor" to read "We may be able to destroy the station by planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor"

Ta'vot Station: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue and interactive mission points were very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Azure Nebula Redux: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. Consider changing the effect that follows the station explosion. The heat wave effect does not really add to the story and limits the player's view of the station destruction. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Sherman System Brief: This is a good map design with nice wrap up dialogue for the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue at the end of the mission that asks for dilithium tips and blames the bugs on Cryptic and the Foundry. It only detracts from your story and adds nothing to the story. If players like your work they will rate you and tip appropriately.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/15/2012 on forum posting for: Star Trek: Odyssey - "War Plans"
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 09-15-2012 at 10:41 AM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 317
09-15-2012, 10:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by k668 View Post
Greetings...

Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.

Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post

Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Hi k668,

You are next up in the queue. I will review your mission here shortly.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by k668 View Post
Greetings...

Any cance I can get a detailed oppinion on my latest "Shuttle Ace" installment? The project is somewhat experimental, awfully tedious to fine-tune in terms of difficulty and also low on story content. Essentially, it says "fun shuttle action" on the tin, and that's really what the missions should convey.

Mission Name: Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Minimum Level: 0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Estimated Mission Length: 15 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post

Thanks for your ongoing valuable insights into what to expect on on the Foundry .
Federation Mission - Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with some nice map designs and challenging but fun battles. The chance to fly around in smaller craft to play a mission is a good hook to help your mission become a daily. Your only drawback to this mission becoming a daily is the location of the custom map entry. Consider moving it closer to a location other players hang out, i.e. ESD, K7 or DS9. It took 10 minutes to get to the location of the custom map. With that said, I would recommend this mission to any player who likes a good challenge and a chance to fly around in smaller craft.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description with clear point about the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue and the follow on dialogue is also well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you indicated the start location for the first custom map in the description and grant dialogue you should also include it in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Abandoned Mining Site near Seedea: This is a great map design with some fun and challenging battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battles are a challenge but the initial one with no support is very tough. Consider either adding in the reinforcements from the start or cutting back the strength of the enemy.
-I did not use it but I also did not notice any indication of a respawn point. If you do not have one further into the map I suggest you add it.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/15/2012 on forum posting for: "Shuttle Ace" - something to do for all you small craft pilots
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 30
# 319
09-16-2012, 11:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Shuttle Ace: Tight Spot
Author: k668
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJUGVTSG9
Thanks for the review! It occured to be me that the first battle might also end up a lot less difficult if I just move the hostile spawn point further away, making it easier to lure the interceptors away from the corvette. Might need some trial & error though.

I'll also give a respawn point further consideration. Moving the initial spawn point closer to the battlesite might also be worth a try, but I'll see.

Thanks again, and have fun with your reviews!
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,764
# 320
09-16-2012, 12:28 PM
Well, it seems my second mission is going to be delayed quite a bit, assuming Cryptic doesn't significantly improve the speed in which they can fix Foundry bugs... I'm being trapped by the lack of multiple dialogue options to spawn objects through.
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