When I graduated from the Academy, what I wanted was a nice, big cruiser with nice personal staterooms offering all the amenities befitting a Starfleet Officer. When I heard of my impending assignment to shipboard duty, I was glad to finally have a chance to explore the universe. I imagined I'd make friends aboard my first ship and that We'd enjoy some hot cocoa and friendly chat in the crew lounge. That is what I wanted.
What I got was a Sao Paulo class escort assigned to Alpha Squadron, a front-line combat fleet currently engaged in operations against the Klingons. This ship has Huge, thunderous Phaser cannons, and small cramped living quarters. The ship is tiny. The crew is gruff and vulgar at times. Everything aboard the ship is either scorched, or patched or hastily repaired. The turbolift is constantly off-line because the ship is frequently at battle stations. I am so tired of deck-to-deck ladders, hatches, tight passageways and manual operation of almost everything.
In spite of these conditions, I have made some good friends here, but three of them have already fallen in combat against the Klingons.
We have no hot cocoa in the crew lounge on the USS Boxer. We have bitter coffee, swearing and occasional plasma fires on the bridge instead.
We don't do much exploring, unless EVA ship repairs and uncivilized drinking at Drozana Station counts for it.
The officer in charge of our Weapons department is an absolute Andorian tyrant named LCDR Zhukarak du Yutmakiat Shulkee.
LCDR Zhukarak is a violent, war-mongering curse. When I asked him if he would allow me to attempt peaceful negotiations during a recent Klingon encounter, he dismissed me from the bridge. He shouted at me, telling me not to return until I had located and attached some human male genitalia to myself. Vulgarity.
This ship stinks from plasma fires and damage-control replicators.