Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,754
# 371
10-25-2012, 01:03 AM
Hi

I have a new mission if you would care to play it;

Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

This is the continuation of the story from;

part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths

House of Cards - Lvl 46 Fed mission

Last edited by captainrevo1; 10-25-2012 at 01:06 AM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 372
10-25-2012, 09:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainrevo1 View Post
Hi

I have a new mission if you would care to play it;

Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

This is the continuation of the story from;

part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths
Hi Captain Revo,

Thanks for the review request and welcome back to the queue. You are currently 4th in the queue behind ScaryGuy. This has been a long week at work. I hope to catch up the queue this weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 373
10-26-2012, 07:28 PM
Logitech007, ScaryGuy, and Captain_Revo,

I apologize for the delay of the reviews. This has been a very rough week at work and I am exhausted. I hope to get back into the reviews tomorrow, but if I am feeling like I do right now I may have to postpone these reviews.

Sorry for the delay, I will get back into the reviews as soon as possible,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,754
# 374
10-27-2012, 12:44 AM
No problem. there is no rush.

House of Cards - Lvl 46 Fed mission
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hello evil70th,

I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.

1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......

You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007

Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.

Thanks.
Logitech007
Federation Mission - Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission concept with good map designs and several very tough battles. Based on the grammatical issues I assume that English is not your primary language. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues that detract from the overall story. The tough enemy mobs spread across the maps do need to be balanced better. With those issues in mind I would still recommend this mission to others but not on Elite level as it was hard enough to get through on Normal.

Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. Consider this dialogue to be the Starfleet Admiral you allude to in the description. Develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept". I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".
-The Veela system is in the Celes Sector of the Regulus sector block.
-Consider moving the initial dialogue identified on the Veela System map to the grant dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Veela System: This is a good map design with a challenging battle. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues. I noted several items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue upon entering the Veela system seems to be better suited for use as the grant and post grant dialogue. You should use the Tactical Officer initial dialogue regarding the transmission from the Deputy Director of Starfleet Intelligence as the initial grant dialogue. The post grant dialogue would be all the remaining dialogue currently located in the Veela System initial dialogue up. You should use it up to the Admiral Kris Gaboury end of transmission. Once the player enters the system you pick up the initial dialogue with Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue regarding receiving the information.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "I will be asking you for a favor" to read "I need to ask you for a favor". Remove the word "actually".
-Consider changing "The favor is for the Director , who asked me to look into finding a lost Federation vessel? " to read "The Director asked me to look into the disappearance of a Federation vessel". No question mark. Then add "That is where you come in [Rank]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]She wants us to track down a Federation vessel that could be or could not be missing[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]The Director wants us to search for a Federation vessel that may or may not be missing?".
-Consider removing the entire last part of the dialogue starting with "[OOC]Sir, with all due respect[/OOC]" and ending with "[OOC]Federation's powerful vessels[/OOC]". It feels slightly arrogant on the part of the player.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "a close personal friend of the Director and she asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing" to read "a close personal friend of the Director. She asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing".
-Consider changing the response button "How is Admiral William Glaceau doing" to read " How is the Admiral doing".
-Consider changing "Admiral William Glaceau is talking a vacation" to read "The Admiral is on vacation".
-Consider changing "Are you joking" to read "Really?".
-Consider changing "I don't think you Starfleet Intelligence people take vacation" to read "I didn't think Starfleet intelligence people ever took vacations".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we don't take vacations" to read "We don't take vacations"
-Consider changing "I am sending you all the information on the Federation vessel, what system it was in and any other information that is needed" to read "I am sending you all the information we have on the vessel".
-Consider changing "Admiral Kris Gaboury out" to read "Admiral Gaboury out".
-The Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue; consider changing "The U.S.S. Zealous mission was to search and locate an planet able to house a new Federation planetside starbase" to read "The mission was to scout planetary systems suitable to locate a starbase".
-Consider changing "The last transmission from the Zealous, indicates that they found the Veela planet to be able to house a new planetside starbase" to read "The last transmission from Zealous indicated a planet in the Veela system was suitable to locate a starbase".
-The response button "What happened" leads to a popup dialogue with a "Federation Console Prop" in the character window and the dialogue "I don't know". Consider changing the character in the window to Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson.
-The post "Scan the Veela System" dialogue. The player asks the same question regarding the U.S.S. Zealous previously asked in the initial dialogue. Consider deleting this and picking up with the Bridge Science BOFF dialogue.
-Consider changing "We just picked up a Federation distress call from the U.S.S. Zealous" to read "We are receiving a distress call from the Zealous".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Set course for the distress call[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Plot an intercept course with the Zealous[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Also, Commander as soon as we are cleared for the nebula, scan the U.S.S. Zealous[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]As soon as we clear the nebula scan the Zealous[/OOC]".
-The post "Scan the battle zone" dialogue; consider changing "We have doubled checked the sensor readings and it is the Breen and the Klingon's that have attacked the Zealous" to read "I have confirmed both the Breen and Klingons are attacking the Zealous".
-Consider changing "Why would the Klingon's attack a Federation vessel with the Breen helping out" to read "Why would the Klingons team up with the Breen to attack a Federation vessel".
-Consider changing "I can understand the Breen but why the Klingon's after we signed the treaty with them a year ago" to read "It makes no sense".
-Consider changing "I don't know, but we are clearing the nebula" to read "I don't know. They are targeting the Zealous".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Battle stations".
-The post "Destroy the attacker" dialogue; consider changing "We are scanning the Federation vessel" to read "We are scanning the Zealous".
-The post "Scan the U.S.S. Zealous" dialogue; "but we have detected several Breen and Klingon Lifesigns on the Vessel" to read "but we are picking up several Breen and Klingon life signs onboard.
-Consider deleting "Also, the away teams are standing by".
-Consider changing "We need to be careful when we are over there, we don't know we are going to find out" to read "Have the away team meet me in the transporter room".

U.S.S. Zealous Deck 10: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the hard return in the post scan dialogue between "detected 9"and "enemy boarding parties".
-Consider changing "Plasma" to read "plasma".
-Consider removing the "Scan Engineering" task and move the associated dialogue to the post "Scan Deck 10" dialogue.
-Consider changing "[Rank], the boarding parties all have been killed on this deck" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider balancing the battles more to get progressively harder as the player advances through the map. You did add respawn points deeper in the map but on one battle alone I had to respawn 5 times to complete the fight. This level would probably be virtually impossible on Elite.

U.S.S. Zealous Bridge: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Let's be careful and take care of these breen" to read "Let's be careful and take care of these Breen".
-Consider removing "Everyone let's go".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we have killed the Breen boarding parties" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider changing "Also, we are been hailed from our vessel" to read "The ship is hailing us".
-Consider changing "from the Breen , the Klingons and from an ally" to read "from the Breen, the Klingons and from an ally".
-Consider changing "Jem'hadar First Vara'aresh out" to read "Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh out".
-Consider changing "[Rank], that is odd and strange The Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessels that is under attack from a Klingon and Breen vessels" to read "[Rank], that is odd, the Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessel that is under attack from Klingon and Breen vessels".
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation out" to read "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation".
-Consider changing "Yes, I do find that little odd and strange" to read "That does seem odd".
-Consider changing "We should download some of the Database from one of their computers and find out what is going on here and I suggest we do it quickly before we become a part of this" to read "We should download the ships database and get out of here as soon as possible".
-Consider changing "[Rank], the database has been downloaded to our vessel's database" to read "[Rank], the database has been downloaded".
-Consider removing "We can access it at any time on your vessel".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Sit down and we will Start the Briefing shortly" to read "[Rank], the senior staff has gathered and is ready to begin the briefing".

Briefing Room: This is a good map design but the dialogue and story needs a little work. Consider adding dialogue that clearly indicates that the player is now in an alternate reality. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Before, everyone gets involved, the away team did bring back their downloaded database" to read "Before we go any farther the away team downloaded the ships database".
-Consider removing "The Captain will go and look at it and transfer it to the Holo projector in the middle of the tables". Change the task for the player to go to the console and load the database to a trigger that appears where the player is seated. The animation can be the same as the one where he sits. Captains should not be ordered by their crew to load anything.
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "Please talk amongst your self till I get back from transferring the data to the projection".
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "So, i have transferred it to the holo projection in the middle of the room".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we had some time to look this information over and found some information that does not much our database" to read "[Rank], we have examined the database you downloaded and found some discrepancies".
-Consider changing "We have also, have the location of the Terrans planet" to read "We have also located the Terran planet".
-Consider changing "We have also, have a couple of systems that were listed key in the database, that we should look at" to read "There are also four star systems that have been identified in the database that we should look at".
-Consider changing "Ok. Before we go any where I want information on the four systems before I pick where to start" to read "Ok, I want to see the information on those systems before we get started".
-Consider changing "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system and are heading this way, we also picking up three more on long range sensors" to read "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system, and are heading this way. Long range sensors are also picking up three more enemy ships inbound".
-Consider changing the response button "Opinions" to read "Options".
-Consider changing "so running is not an opinion, so I say we destroy them before the others call for help" to read "so running is not an option. I say we engage them".
-Consider changing the response button "More opinions" to read "More options".
-Consider changing "I agree with the attack" to read "I say attack".
-Consider changing "Ok. That is settled" to read "Then it is settled".

Veela System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]No, i don't think so[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]No I don't think so[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "[OOC]They dispatched some vessels to destroy the U.S.S. Zealous and they did not report back so they sent more ships to investigate so they sent warships[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]They dispatch ships to destroy the Zealous, when those ships do not report back they send more[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[Rank], if we can reach just inside the nebula then maybe we can get a message to the Jem'Hadar to come and help, because we are no match for 6 warships, we need help and even if they are "our" allies in this reality" to read "[Rank], we are no match for 6 ships. I recommend we call the Jem'Hadar for help. We will need to get just inside the nebula to send the message".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Ok. But I doubt that those warships will let us contact some help. We must destroy them then go contact them[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I agree but I doubt the Breen will allow us to call for help. We will need to destroy them before we can contact the Jem?Hadar[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]We are under heavy attack by the Shadow alliance, we need assistance. We have engaged three battle ships and have three more coming in on the other side of the nebula, and even more on the way, we will not be able to hold out with assistance[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]We have been engaged by Shadow alliance ships. There are several more ships in bound and we need your assistance[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "My vessel will move in to engage these vessels on the other side of the nebula" to read "My ships will move to engage the enemy".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Commander, I want the information on the Orias system, before we get to the system[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Commander, I want any information we have on the Orias system before we get to the system[/OOC]".

Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I noted several grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system, that you have requested, but let me remind, this is the information from "our" reality, not this on" to read "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system you requested, but let me remind you that this is from our reality, not this one".
-Consider changing "[Rank], im scanning the orias sys?" to read "[Rank], I'm scanning the Orias sys...".
-Consider changing "It appears that this system is protected by four beacon that send detail scanning of this system, and when a vessel appears, the Jem'Hadar send a vessel to investigate it" to read "It seems the system is monitored by four sensor satellites that conduct a detailed scan of the system. When a ship appears the Jem'Hadar send a ship to investigate".
-Consider changing "Its also protected by an unknown number of Jem'Hadar vessels" to read "It's also protected by a large number of Jem'Hadar ships".
-Consider changing "This has to be one of the strongest defend area I have ever seen" to read "This has to be one of the strongest defended areas I have ever seen".
-Consider removing "No one risks attack them".
-Consider changing "Also, there is a number of drydocks and mining and factories in this system" to read "Scans also indicate there are a large number of dry docks, mining, and factories spread across the system".
-Consider changing "[Rank], If you have not noticed, we have a large amount of vessels guarding this base" to read "[Rank], if you have not noticed, we have a large number of ships guarding this base".
-Consider changing "This is one of two Major Jem'Hadar base that we have here in the Ahla quadrant" to read "This is one of two major Jem'Hadar bases in the Alpha quadrant".
-Consider changing "Only the Second, Third and I, knows where the second one is located for security reasons" to read "Only the second, third, and I know the location of the second base for security reasons".
-Consider changing "Did you have any trouble located my vessel" to read "I trust you did not have too much trouble finding my ship".
-Consider removing the warp in effect for the Jem?Hadar ships. They continue to warp in, which looks odd.
-Consider changing "Yes, we have the beacon rely all the sensor data back to the command post on the planet then we dispatch vessels" to read "Yes, we have the sensor satellites relay all data back to the command post on the planet. When a ship is detected we dispatch ships to intercept".
-Consider changing "We find it easy way of protecting our base and space" to read "We have found it to be an efficient way of protecting our base.
-Consider removing "I am sorry that it just has to be that way, [Rank]".

Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh Vessel: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Jem'Hadar typing on the console as the player beams in is typing through the console. Consider moving the NPC back slightly to fix this issue.

Jem'Hadar Base: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I found several grammatical issues that need to be corrected. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair onto of the ramp" to read "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair on the command platform".
-Consider removing the required dialogue with the other Jem'Hadar in the command center. The dialogue with them adds nothing to the story. You could make them optional dialogue.
-Consider changing "My fleet is just preparing our vessels to this battle that we know is coming" to read "My fleet is preparing to engage in the battle we know is coming".
-Consider changing "To be honest, [Rank], some believe that we should just leave you guys alone and let you find your own way home, instead of helping someone from another time and place, because we the Jem'Hadar have our own battles and enemies and do not need to be brought into someone else" to read "To be honest [Rank], some believe we have troubles of our own, and do not have the resources to help others".
-Consider changing "Then I explained it, stating that if the Shadow alliance gets your technology or gets any of your vessels or any information from your database that would put all of us at risk" to read "I explained that if the Shadow alliance gained access to any of your technology it would change the balance of power in the quadrant".
-Consider changing "So we all agreed to help but let me warn you, not everyone is happy about it, [Rank] "to read "We all agreed it is necessary but not everyone is happy about it".
-Consider changing "It was only a matter of time before the Shadow alliance would find this base and launch a fleet to destroy this base" to read "I knew it would only be a matter of time before the Shadow alliance found our base and tried to destroy it".

Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs with the friendly mobs. The Jem'Hadar ships were wiped out fairly quickly and I was left to defeat the enemy mobs by myself after being destroyed several times. I would not recommend this mission on Elite level.
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar fleet is heading towards the other Shadow Alliance vessel that are just outside the system" to read "The Jem'Hadar are moving to engage the other Shadow Alliance ships just outside the system".

Deep Space: This is a good map design with a balanced battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs some work on the grammatical issues but overall it was a fun mission. Due to the amount of grammatical issues found in this mission and the length of time I spent cataloging them I will withdraw your second mission from review for now.
Brian

This critique report also filed 10/27/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 376
10-27-2012, 02:52 PM
Hey Evil ^.^ I finally have Ep.3 done and ready for review whenever you get the chance.

Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.

Thank you for all your input xD
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 377
10-27-2012, 05:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by skyline475 View Post
Hey Evil ^.^ I finally have Ep.3 done and ready for review whenever you get the chance.

Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.

Thank you for all your input xD
Hi Skyline,

Welcome back to the queue. You are 3rd in the queue behind Captain_Revo. I hope to get back into the reviews tomorrow morning.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hello evil70th,

I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.

2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?

You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007

Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.

Thanks.
Logitech007
Federation Mission - Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: Due to the length of time I spent on your first mission and the issues I found that are similar in this mission I am going to file the summary for this mission. This is a good mission overall but there are still several grammatical issues across all the maps. The grammatical and spelling issues that range from the use of singular context instead of plural to the use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I". The map where we engage the Shadow Alliance and blind the sensors you used the word "Pulase" instead of "Pulse". The enemy mobs spread across the maps are very tough and I would not recommend a player take this mission on at Elite level. Despite the grammatical, spelling, and battle issues I would still recommend this mission to other players. Overall it is a good mission with a great story.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. As with the other mission you need to develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with the start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to this task to help those who do not have a detailed map and have to rely on the one provided by STO. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs work on the grammatical, spelling, and enemy mob balancing. It need work but is still worth playing.
Brian

This critique report also filed 10/28/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by scaryguycalculon View Post
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.

Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Federation Mission - Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This has the potential to be a great mission but the Fire Caves map has a huge issue. The platforms are the flaw in the map. If you miss a platform you fall into the liquid fire below. Once that happens you are stuck in the fire pit. They have no choice but beam up and reenter the map. They then have to start the map all over. If you are going to leave the platforms then you need to design a way out of the fire pit so the player does not have to start the map over again. I tried to get across the platforms at least 5 times and if you hit the wrong one you fall. If you accidently go too far or not far enough on the jump you fall. After the 3rd time it was very frustrating. I tried twice more and final dropped the mission. I spent an hour and half trying to get across the platforms. I would not recommend this mission for other players until you provide a way up out of the pit that does not involve having to beam up.

Mission Description: This is a nice simple description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good detailed grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "True Way Cardassian terroist group" to read "True Way Cardassian terrorist group".

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Fire Cave: This is a challenging map, with fun battles and good story dialogue. The platforms are a huge issue without a way out of the pit. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good concept and not bad for the first time development. With some work this mission can become a great mission.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 41
# 380
10-28-2012, 05:50 PM
Hello evil70th,

I have completed 2 missions of a multi-part series, and would very much appreciate feedback when you have some time.

Mission Name: A Cubical Mystery(Prologue)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 46+ (hardcoded in game, I say, Min Level: 50)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDUI5CK7B
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour20mins depending on career/difficulty setting
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

My First foundry mission I have made however I have refined it over the last 3-4weeks so it is fairly mature in its making.
It is designed to have fairly challenging combat, but nothing that isn't solo-able even on Adv./Elite
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Mission Name: Mechanical Infestations(Pt. I)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 50
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSOFQFFC4
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour15mins depending on career/difficulty
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Both are relatively combat heavy missions with medium amt. of dialogue

Thanks,
SFHQ
---
"We are the Borg. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile."
Sincerely,
The Cube Assimilating Your Ship Right Now
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