Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,510
# 91
01-27-2013, 02:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I agree; I think marcus' entry really benefitted from that epilogue.
Thanks, I'm glad it didn't read as something which was simply 'tacked on ' for the sake of it I figured as future LCs might not give the opportunity to explore the exchange between Mayer and S'rR's, it would be worth doing, so people wouldn't think she had simply 'given up'

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I really don't know his characters very well yet, but it made sense that after something so huge--especially after 15 years of writing a character--there should be some sort of look at the emotional fallout from that moment.
As mentioned in an above comment, I felt that Marcus was very much rooted in the TNG era, and it was time for him to retire, so I could start focussing on new characters, and equally possibly further explore Marcus' childhood via flashbacks. I don't know why, but while writing, I found the introduction of Selek the most emotionally charged scene.

Also, in case folks didn't catch the other namedrops I made, other than to the USS Solaris were:
Dr (Drake) Ramoray (as in Friends)

The description of the Renovatio, was of a Whitestar battleship
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 92
01-28-2013, 03:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hfmudd View Post
And posted. As you'll see, I took inspiration from what others have said about the mirror Trill and applied that to my own Joined captain.

I hope this is clear enough from the text, but in case it's not: her pre-Joining name was Sanara Lucel, and per Trill custom (in our universe, at least) she now goes by Sanara Draz.
Very nice.

And it is interesting to see the same story from both points of view... My Jinx symbiont blowing up his MU counterpart because they have gone the way of the parasites, and your Trill Captain contemplating helping your MU counterpart because of the same thing. I could easily see Jinx and Draz working together on this.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,746
# 93
01-29-2013, 10:35 AM
@scottfreeman - Smooth conversation and easy to "see" scenes = Very well done! Looking forward to more from you
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,510
# 94
01-29-2013, 11:57 AM
@scottfreeman: Sorry for the delay in giving feedback, but likewise, I really enjoyed it too, thought it was an awesome entry, and had some great moments of comedy
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 95
01-29-2013, 06:16 PM
@scottfreeman

I'm in agreement with marcus and cmdrscralet, great entry, and I look forward to reading more from you!
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 96
01-30-2013, 08:13 AM
Marcus, I just got round to reading your polished story, wth the epilogue. Superb. It almost brought a tear to my eye, lol.

I do have to ask though... orbital skydiving? Have you been reading my background story? That is something I had Jinx do during the Academy holidays.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,086
# 97
02-03-2013, 07:50 AM
This one took me forever but i was finally able to get something that i was alright with. Hopefully it's a decent read and feel free to give feedback, positive or negative. Also let me know if i missed any ?'s that were in the place of " 's
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,244
# 98
02-03-2013, 02:49 PM
Wraith--just read your entry. Sorry to ask a newbie question, but what species is Crewman Wraith? How, for that matter, did he come by that name? Is he another Devidian in Starfleet, by any chance? (If so, I apologize if I came across as stealing your idea.)

One thing I think I'd like to see more of from you would be the actual dialogue between the characters rather than just narrative. You did so well when you showed your narrator's final words to the mirror Donovan in writing something compelling there. More please?
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)


Sig by gulberat. Avatar credit to balsavor.deviantart.com
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,086
# 99
02-04-2013, 12:21 AM
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1&postcount=22

PIEYOOOOWWWWW!!!

But no worries, he's not devidian, although that is a pretty good idea, so i'm looking forward to reading your story.


As for the name it's kind of a toss up between the screen name as well as the idea of it being a shock thing, so each type of soldier would have been based on different myths due to ability and apearance so wraith looking the way he does as well as being invisible to sensors, it just seemed fitting, so the name would have been the translation of the name written on the tube(think bacta tank or weapon x set up) they found him in.

He as well as the rest of the crew (especially Captain Donovan) have just kind of evolved from their into their own characters as i wrote more.
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 100
02-04-2013, 04:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
He as well as the rest of the crew (especially Captain Donovan) have just kind of evolved from their into their own characters as i wrote more.
Nice entry Wraith

This comment of yours is one of the greatest things about the LCs - Seeing your characters evolve as you keep writing. From a roleplayer perspective, it really lets you get to know your character, and often takes them in unusual directions.
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