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"Login failed for unknown reason" error
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One thing I think I'd like to see more of from you would be the actual dialogue between the characters rather than just narrative. You did so well when you showed your narrator's final words to the mirror Donovan in writing something compelling there. More please?
I have finished it as well and - for a Captain's Log - it was well done!!
But I agree with gulberat above in that I would be interested to see dialogue from your talent as well.
About one to two days left for this challenge ... any last takers?
The funny thing is i was originally going to have Captain Donovan die in combat which is how wraith would assume command (since technically augments cant join starfleet), but once i started beta testing i kind of had that "well crap..." moment and just let it evolve from there. It really was a fun thing to watch how different it became from my initial look on the crew.
As for section 31, yeah, it's a heavy theme because from my view point a lot of what happens in the shows or films doesn't really seem like it would be something the Federation would want to be making common knowledge, but it lets me go back and explain or play in some creative ways for the challenges. Not every job can be solved with diplomacy and science, and the Crew here is suited for just that.
The dialog how ever i can do, it's the constant line breaks and what not, the technical aspect of writing i tend to be bad at, but i'll keep this in mind for future challenges. I do however change the way i write for challenges depending on the Character dictating the log, it's not much, but hopefully enough to make it feel like it's the character and not just one person doing them all.
I'm looking forward to going through these tonight myself and reading what every one wroth though, and i'll definitely post more feedback for every one else as well. thank you.
Great entry! I have to agree, there are a number of things in the shows that Federation citizens would not take too kindly too, and using S31 to explain how your ship runs certainly gives us a unique perspective on what's happening behind the scenes with the three? four? wars the Federation is fighting right now.
I have a hunch as to what the next one is going to be as well, and tbh, if I'm right, it'll make daily life on the Athena very interesting for Bryan.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I do however change the way i write for challenges depending on the Character dictating the log, it's not much, but hopefully enough to make it feel like it's the character and not just one person doing them all.
I get this and appreciate this because the log IS the character talking about an event from their perspective which is always subjective to varying degrees.
Your decision to write a Log not in the Captain's voice is just a different take on the assignment.
Marcus, I just got round to reading your polished story, wth the epilogue. Superb. It almost brought a tear to my eye, lol.
Thanks Out of curiosity, which piece did you feel had the most emotional impact?
Originally Posted by bortjinx
I do have to ask though... orbital skydiving? Have you been reading my background story? That is something I had Jinx do during the Academy holidays.
I have read some of your back story of the Academy Days, but I have to admit, I don't recall any orbital skydiving... I was actually thinking about the recent RedBull experiment/stunt, B'Elanna's participation of the activity, and the episode of MythBusters where they chucked a pig's carcass out of a helicopter in a bodybag, and how the impact dismembered it (I needed something severe enough to kill an immortal immediately, and that seemed as good a way as any )
This one took me forever but i was finally able to get something that i was alright with. Hopefully it's a decent read and feel free to give feedback, positive or negative. Also let me know if i missed any ?'s that were in the place of " 's
Fantastic entry, I really enjoyed it I don't recall any missed ?s
The discussions keep getting better and better! Thank you all. I can't tell you how much I love seeing it.
I'm unsticking this as I prepare to post #38, but as always, feel free to continue discussion.
Also, if you paste your story into notepad before copying it back to here, you'll avoid those "?". Silly forums.
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