Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 222
# 31
02-07-2013, 08:58 PM
finally got mine up, Spent a couple days paring it down though. originally was going to have the Powhatan over NYC giving covering fire while Captain Evans got her family out, then realized why bring a starship to a gunfight, when you can just beam everyone out before the bad guys showed up?
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 46
# 32
02-07-2013, 10:25 PM
What's gonna happen with all those tons of stories?
Survivor of Remus
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 359
# 33
02-08-2013, 12:36 AM
Updated some lines for extra smoothness and legibility. I think this one's done now. Please read and enjoy! Or not. I cannot make you.

http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...21&postcount=9
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,678
# 34
02-08-2013, 04:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
You and I seem to have run into opposite issues with our entries. You had to figure out how to expand yours--and I had to figure out just how pared-down and minimalist my entry could be, in order to achieve my objectives and do honor to those in the time period traveled to.
I really liked that simplicity of your entry, and it was your decision to participate which made me do so, as I really wasn't feeling the topic as a short entry, as I felt it was something which I as a writer, could only cover in a longer story to give enough of an explanation, so I really liked how you were able to do so with such economy I decided to chop the story after the meeting with Stark, because the method of returning to the 25th Century had already been discussed, and what would have happened after the meeting, the waiting for the frame to be constructed, the fitting, the return to orbit, was all pretty safe to assume happening. I didn't want to make it too specific that the crew were present for Woodstock, and figured I'd leave Stark's distaste for the hippies to suggest what was going on, rather than having to have Palmer swipe Hendrix's guitar before leaving

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I liked your entry.

Just one question...if I recall, Meliden is a Cardassian who was adopted by human parents. Do you think her parents would be upset, if she chooses not to reverse the procedure? :-/
Thanks, and likewise, I really enjoyed your entry, as it really showed Alyosha's connection to Earth and his Humanity, and the reasoning that they simply had to wait for time to restore the crew to their correct time was a nice change. I simply figured that subspace folds was something else which could be explored, and gave me the opportunity to write my favorite Vulcan female I was tempted to write Tony Stark as a child in the office with Howard, and having Meliden chastising him for drinking in front of his son, but I'd already got one guest star in, so didn't want to go overboard...

Yes, Meliden was adopted by Human parents, but unlike Worf, who had already lived part of his life in Klingon culture, Meliden was adopted as a newborn after the hospital she had been born in was bombarded by the Dominion, so she has literally only ever known Human culture, and was bullied as a child for being Cardassian, so her parents would be well aware of her desire to appear Human, but likely never had the connections or resources to have such a procedure done privately. Starfleet, on the other hand, routinely performs surgical alterations to such an extent that the altered officer is externally indistinguishable from the target species, so for Meliden, this would literally have been a lifelong dream come true

Last edited by marcusdkane; 02-08-2013 at 04:20 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,678
# 35
02-08-2013, 10:30 AM
@ Shevet: Wow, best entry yet Really nice little mystery story there, I was engrossed all the way through, never once scan reading A couple of points though... Firstly, I think Amanda Palmer and Tylha Shohl would have an interesting debate on the ethics of replicating money Secondly, I'm guessing from his name and religious exclamations, that Pete was Irish-American, although his use of 'Miss Teela', sounded rather African-American, but that is my only real point of critique. A well-rounded character, and the little cross-cultural confusions read smoothly and well, rather than obvious and clumsy
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,714
# 36
02-08-2013, 11:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I really liked that simplicity of your entry, and it was your decision to participate which made me do so,
Awww...I'm glad you joined in.

For where my crew ended up, simplicity was really the only approach. I had tried other approaches, and even with no "action" taking place, they felt wrong. The additional dialogue and material just detracted from the true focus of the piece: which was that they stood upon hallowed ground.

Quote:
as I really wasn't feeling the topic as a short entry, as I felt it was something which I as a writer, could only cover in a longer story to give enough of an explanation, so I really liked how you were able to do so with such economy I decided to chop the story after the meeting with Stark, because the method of returning to the 25th Century had already been discussed, and what would have happened after the meeting, the waiting for the frame to be constructed, the fitting, the return to orbit, was all pretty safe to assume happening. I didn't want to make it too specific that the crew were present for Woodstock, and figured I'd leave Stark's distaste for the hippies to suggest what was going on, rather than having to have Palmer swipe Hendrix's guitar before leaving
I loved Stark's reaction to Woodstock...truly awesome! I thought the story ended very well.

Quote:
Thanks, and likewise, I really enjoyed your entry, as it really showed Alyosha's connection to Earth and his Humanity, and the reasoning that they simply had to wait for time to restore the crew to their correct time was a nice change.
Thanks. In spite of Aloysha's extreme differences from our species, and the fact that biologically he "should" be at odds with humans (and other humanoid species), Earth is where he feels he belongs. He would be flattered to know you considered him to have some form of "humanity."

As for the fact that they just had to wait...I considered other possibilities but they all felt unsuitable for the time frame.

I reasoned that since we've seen more advanced technology in the 25th century, there were items that are now standard issue for crew that could sometimes allow for such a solution, depending on the type of the anomaly. (I am specifically looking at personal shields, perhaps used in conjunction with tricorders and communicators.)

Quote:
Yes, Meliden was adopted by Human parents, but unlike Worf, who had already lived part of his life in Klingon culture, Meliden was adopted as a newborn after the hospital she had been born in was bombarded by the Dominion, so she has literally only ever known Human culture, and was bullied as a child for being Cardassian, so her parents would be well aware of her desire to appear Human, but likely never had the connections or resources to have such a procedure done privately. Starfleet, on the other hand, routinely performs surgical alterations to such an extent that the altered officer is externally indistinguishable from the target species, so for Meliden, this would literally have been a lifelong dream come true
Maybe so. And yeah, I can see where it wouldn't be easy being grey after the Dominion War. :-/

That said, Meliden was exactly the sort of child I would have sought out to be my friend, because often those with differences were the most able to accept me for who I was and not bully.

I just wonder, though, if by changing herself, it doesn't mean the bullies won. I would have hoped that by the 24th century educators would have done a better job in intervening where bullying was taking place--especially on species grounds. Unless they were participating in it...

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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,714
# 37
02-08-2013, 11:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Secondly, I'm guessing from his name and religious exclamations, that Pete was Irish-American, although his use of 'Miss Teela', sounded rather African-American, but that is my only real point of critique.
If Pete was raised in the South (and that's quite possible regardless of his ethnic background), it would not seem out of place on someone of any race. It's a regionalism rather than something restricted to any particular race or ethnicity.

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Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,192
# 38
02-08-2013, 11:27 AM
@shevet - woah ...

I just realized I missed a couple somehow so bear with me. I'm also still crafting mine as well while at work ... SHSHSHHHH!
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Survivor of Remus
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 359
# 39
02-08-2013, 11:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Secondly, I'm guessing from his name and religious exclamations, that Pete was Irish-American, although his use of 'Miss Teela', sounded rather African-American, but that is my only real point of critique. A well-rounded character, and the little cross-cultural confusions read smoothly and well, rather than obvious and clumsy
My own family history presents two things you need to keep in mind:

1) Many Irish immigrants ended up as sharecroppers down South. The city of Columbus, MS, for instance, has a large population of Irish descent.

2) Referring to a grown woman as "Miss" anything is not "African-American." It's a Southern thing. I myself do so quite often and I don't much if any recent African ancestry. It's also entirely possible that it's a common enough thing in any US population comprised mostly of the traditionally impoverished due to the horrible thing that is classism.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,678
# 40
02-08-2013, 01:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
Awww...I'm glad you joined in.

For where my crew ended up, simplicity was really the only approach. I had tried other approaches, and even with no "action" taking place, they felt wrong. The additional dialogue and material just detracted from the true focus of the piece: which was that they stood upon hallowed ground.
Thanks, and likewise, it was a fun piece to write. I could've written more, but couldn't shake the feeling that I was writing the scenarios to fit the brief for the challenge, rather than letting them develop completely naturally: As mentioned above, Captain Palmer's actual reaction to the scenario (assuming the ship remained in orbit, rather than trying to crash land itself) would have been to immediately initiate a temporal vortex and return to the 25th Century with zero interaction with the planet. It was only 'being in the situation', which was why she went along with the plan to outsource the needed part, with the "Do it before I change my mind"

Absolutely, I think that was why it worked so nicely, it let the 'unsaid' come through.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I loved Stark's reaction to Woodstock...truly awesome! I thought the story ended very well.
Thanks, I went off Obidiah Stane's line to Tony Stark in Iron Man that they had built the arc reactor "to keep the hippies quiet...", and I just figured that, despite his alcoholism, Howard would have been a pretty stoic guy who wouldn't have appreciated Woodstock or the peace movement

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
Thanks. In spite of Aloysha's extreme differences from our species, and the fact that biologically he "should" be at odds with humans (and other humanoid species), Earth is where he feels he belongs. He would be flattered to know you considered him to have some form of "humanity."

I think the Starfleet charter sums up my approach to Alyosha (and other non-humans) perfectly: To seek out new life... I just think it's a shame that the English language doesn't have a better way of expressing 'humanity'. Decency/kindness etc come close, but still don't convey the sentiment behind the expression...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
As for the fact that they just had to wait...I considered other possibilities but they all felt unsuitable for the time frame.

I reasoned that since we've seen more advanced technology in the 25th century, there were items that are now standard issue for crew that could sometimes allow for such a solution, depending on the type of the anomaly. (I am specifically looking at personal shields, perhaps used in conjunction with tricorders and communicators.)
I think you made the perfect choice, as there was nothing to overpower the spiritual aspects of the encounter. I think you're probably right about the more advanced technology as well, it would make sense that their equipment would be able to better tune into temporal phenomenon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
Maybe so. And yeah, I can see where it wouldn't be easy being grey after the Dominion War. :-/

That said, Meliden was exactly the sort of child I would have sought out to be my friend, because often those with differences were the most able to accept me for who I was and not bully.

I just wonder, though, if by changing herself, it doesn't mean the bullies won. I would have hoped that by the 24th century educators would have done a better job in intervening where bullying was taking place--especially on species grounds. Unless they were participating in it...
To be fair, the bullying was more down to her youthful 'webcam shenanigans' and another girl's jealousy, rather than purely being racially motivated, but I think mostly, given the upbringing Meliden had, it would have been more a kind of body dismorphia, and wanting to align her external self with her inner self, rather than wanting to appear Human to simply 'fit in with everyone else', if that makes any sense?

Last edited by marcusdkane; 02-08-2013 at 01:24 PM.
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