Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 366
# 1 Return to Armageddon
02-06-2013, 08:02 PM
Hi, I've just published my first Foundry mission and am looking for reviews. The mission itself is a sort of sequel to A Taste of Armageddon from TOS and it's called Return to Armageddon.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,418
# 2
02-09-2013, 07:24 AM
Sounds like a facinating premise. I will be sure to give it a play.

P.S. You missed a stage on your signature: "Don't you remember how bad things used to be before the patch?"

@greendragoon
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 366
# 3
02-11-2013, 06:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreendragoon1 View Post
P.S. You missed a stage on your signature: "Don't you remember how bad things used to be before the patch?"
Unfortunately I'm only allowed 5 lines for a sig so I tried to roll it into step 4 :p
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedarky View Post
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Federation Mission - Return to Armageddon
Author: Bluedarky
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQN0569L5

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: It is a nice, mostly combat oriented mission, with good map designs, several tough battles, and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. It is a good follow-on story to a TOS mission. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes a mostly combat oriented mission, with tough battles, and well written story dialogue. Although I would not recommend it on Elite level due to the tough nature of the battles.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report or other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): The meeting with Linnea to be told to go to K-7 space station seems unnecessary to the mission. Consider moving it to be follow-on dialogue for the Grant Mission Dialogue.

Eminiar System - Vendikar Orbit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Eminiar System - Eminiar Trading Station:This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial dialogue; consider changing "escort you to a disintigration chamber" to read "escort you to a disintegration chamber".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "More ships on an intercept course captain" to read "More ships on an intercept course Captain".

Eminiar Trading Station: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Check your enemy mobs. A couple of them are showing up as "Orion Enforcer".

Eminiar System - Vendikar Return: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Open Communications" to read "Open communications".
-Consider changing "you will come with us to be disintigrated" to read "you will come with us to be disintegrated".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "We can beam down on your orders Captain" to read "We can beam down your order Captain".

Vendikar: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from a BOFF directing the player to reach the Ambassador. They can also warn of several enemies between them and the Ambassador.
-Consider adding additional re-spawn points deeper in the map
-The post "Reach the Ambassador" dialogue; consider changing "have to report for disintigration" to read "have to report for disintegration".
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Medical Bay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ambassador is facing backwards on the medical bed.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/16/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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