Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,248
# 81
02-16-2013, 09:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
Excellent! I'd better get writing, then!
And by all means, from now on, feel free to mentally read all of my posts in Londo's voice.
Yes, you should and welcome!

As for Londo's voice ... awesomesauce
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

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Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 491
# 82
02-16-2013, 11:11 AM
Right, I've gone ahead and posted the first part of my entry. I'll probably go back and add to it, either in the original post or a successive one, whichever is allowed. Criticism and comments are always welcome.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,272
# 83
02-16-2013, 11:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
Right, I've gone ahead and posted the first part of my entry. I'll probably go back and add to it, either in the original post or a successive one, whichever is allowed. Criticism and comments are always welcome.
Loved it Of course, I'm curious as to Nair's species, and the class of the DaVinci but other than that, no other critique beyond it finished too damn soon

PS Welcome to the party
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,095
# 84
02-16-2013, 12:40 PM
I look forward to seeing the rest, and I am also interested in knowing about Nair's species.

In addition, I wanted to point out that from the start, he comes off as someone with a good head on his shoulders and sound command/management training, which I do not always see in fanfics (in any venue). That definitely caught my attention about him.
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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,272
# 85
02-16-2013, 01:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
@ marcus

As usual, ty For the suggestion Looking back over my story, I would definatly have to agree with you that it doesn't quite flow right. Of course I was usually writing these late at night, so that was probably not conducive to my writing.

EDIT: Adding some links for the music I used:

Color the Sky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CveV2gkTj64
The Collector Base: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFf60ECWpzU
The Normandy Reborn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXCM0lZxh4U
Jump Drive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGWYQY-EEnw
In Your Arms: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRQCXPXL4Os
You're very welcome, it was the one thing which didn't quite flow, but other than that, a fine entry I know what you mean though, I've lost count of the amount of times I've written something, then re-read it and seen something that needed revision

On another note, I was wondering if you saw the Academy Days addition I posted last week, and had any thoughts on it? CmdrScarlet had asked about Captain Palmer's near expulsion from the Academy, so I decided to write it up
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,248
# 86
02-16-2013, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
On another note, I was wondering if you saw the Academy Days addition I posted last week, and had any thoughts on it? CmdrScarlet had asked about Captain Palmer's near expulsion from the Academy, so I decided to write it up
I missed this and just finished - Nice! And that explains that.

Hmm. I had not thought to go back and add an entry to the previous LCs ...

Hmmmmmm!
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,272
# 87
02-16-2013, 02:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
I missed this and just finished - Nice! And that explains that.

Hmm. I had not thought to go back and add an entry to the previous LCs ...

Hmmmmmm!
Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that it hopefully showed another side to Amanda Palmer than just a seasoned captain

I was just looking back through the LCs, and saw that while the challenge had passed, people were still invited to add entries, and thought that was the ideal way to address your comment about the unpublished story
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 88
02-16-2013, 06:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
You're very welcome, it was the one thing which didn't quite flow, but other than that, a fine entry I know what you mean though, I've lost count of the amount of times I've written something, then re-read it and seen something that needed revision

On another note, I was wondering if you saw the Academy Days addition I posted last week, and had any thoughts on it? CmdrScarlet had asked about Captain Palmer's near expulsion from the Academy, so I decided to write it up
Yea, I did see it actually. Quite a good read, as usual Which gives me an idea to write an entry on how Bryan and Ibalei met at the academy...
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Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,063
# 89
02-16-2013, 07:10 PM
This one seemed to be more than a pain in the butt than i'd prefer it to be, and if i could have done it longer i would have tried to fill in more. It's not quite what i wanted it to be, so sadly not as victorious as i'd originally thought. I did it in a different style as a first attempt at dialog which i admit was a great suggestion because it kind of switched things up a little more for me. It's not as good as i wanted it to be, but they can't all be winners. I would have loved to add in more good cop bad cop as well as add more to the event in question, but it was already running long.


As a side note, i always write these on writing app then copy them over and i'm still having the question marks pop up although this time it was erratic and didn't replace all of the " and ' but just some here and there. It was a bit weird.


Any ways, as always questions, comments, and feedback are always welcome.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,095
# 90
02-16-2013, 07:13 PM
Well, Wraith, you definitely took my challenge to write dialogue and ran with it!

I could hear the tone of everybody in that room just perfectly (and as individual, distinct personalities), and I think my favorite moment was Wraith finally asking what I'm sure every reader must've had on their mind: how that virulently racist, maladjusted Johnson actually had a job.

I wonder if the evidence of this stunt will get Johnson fired? Which will then lead to his going rogue, which will set up the whole causality loop...
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