Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 366
# 531
02-14-2013, 06:40 AM
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 532
02-14-2013, 04:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zaynar View Post
First Evil let me say, I did not think your comments were harsh. They were in fact helpful, and cleared up a misunderstanding I apparently had.

Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.


Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Hi zaynar,

I will try to re-review your mission this weekend and post the review here when done.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 533
02-14-2013, 04:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedarky View Post
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Hi bluedarky,

You are 2nd in the queue behind zaynar. I hope to get to the mission queue this weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Turp
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by zaynar View Post
First Evil let me say, I did not think your comments were harsh. They were in fact helpful, and cleared up a misunderstanding I apparently had.

Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.


Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Klingon Mission - By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission for your first time using the Foundry. The map designs are good and the battles are tough but glorious. The story dialogue is well written. I would recommend this mission to other Klingon players.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: You should add the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
N'Ett'A: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered dialogue that happens after a couple of the satellites at random. It would make it a little more interesting rather than just flying from satellite to satellite.

Research Outpost: This is a good map design with several tough, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Access Files" dialogue; consider changing "We can't letany of them escape" to read "We can't let any of them escape".

Battle!: This is a good map design with tough but glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job reworking this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedarky View Post
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Federation Mission - Return to Armageddon
Author: Bluedarky
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQN0569L5

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: It is a nice, mostly combat oriented mission, with good map designs, several tough battles, and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. It is a good follow-on story to a TOS mission. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes a mostly combat oriented mission, with tough battles, and well written story dialogue. Although I would not recommend it on Elite level due to the tough nature of the battles.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report or other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): The meeting with Linnea to be told to go to K-7 space station seems unnecessary to the mission. Consider moving it to be follow-on dialogue for the Grant Mission Dialogue.

Eminiar System - Vendikar Orbit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Eminiar System - Eminiar Trading Station:This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial dialogue; consider changing "escort you to a disintigration chamber" to read "escort you to a disintegration chamber".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "More ships on an intercept course captain" to read "More ships on an intercept course Captain".

Eminiar Trading Station: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Check your enemy mobs. A couple of them are showing up as "Orion Enforcer".

Eminiar System - Vendikar Return: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Open Communications" to read "Open communications".
-Consider changing "you will come with us to be disintigrated" to read "you will come with us to be disintegrated".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "We can beam down on your orders Captain" to read "We can beam down your order Captain".

Vendikar: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from a BOFF directing the player to reach the Ambassador. They can also warn of several enemies between them and the Ambassador.
-Consider adding additional re-spawn points deeper in the map
-The post "Reach the Ambassador" dialogue; consider changing "have to report for disintigration" to read "have to report for disintegration".
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Medical Bay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ambassador is facing backwards on the medical bed.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/16/2013 on forum posting for: Return to Armageddon
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 481
# 536
02-16-2013, 05:20 PM
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.

Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 537
02-17-2013, 07:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegeta50024 View Post
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.

Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Hey gameboy,

Thanks for the review request. I hope I can help and I will keep in mind the immersion factor you are going for. You are next up in the queue.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 115
# 538
02-17-2013, 11:00 AM
Hey evil, I'm back with part three of my series. Already getting good reviews but would love to read your take on it.

Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.

Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.

Cheers.
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 539
02-17-2013, 11:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicochavez View Post
Hey evil, I'm back with part three of my series. Already getting good reviews but would love to read your take on it.

Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.

Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.

Cheers.
Hi chicochavez,

Thanks for the review request. I will try to get to this before the weekend ends but I may not get to it until next week.

I have not been paying attention to the dilithium coming in for my reviews. I use my Vice Admiral character to do most of the reviews and the "Investigate" daily has not been available. I do not know if that is by design or just the option has been removed. Anyway I do not do the reviews for the dilithium. I do it to try and help authors, which makes the game player better.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegeta50024 View Post
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.

Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Federation Mission - Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: gamerboy100
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map designs, fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to all players. Your estimate of 20 minutes mission length is more like 45 minutes to an hour with the dialogue, which is not bad with a good story like yours, but you should consider putting in the option to skip dialogue and provide a summary to the player. I have seen this in other missions and used it myself.

In an immersive story the use of the response button "Continue" takes the player along as a passenger vice a participant. Consider drawing the player into the mission by adding more interaction from the player. Realizing that the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations, the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing and well written description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Terrans do for the federation" to read "Terrans do for the Federation".
-Consider changing the "Note" section to [OOC] to make it stand out.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The task consider changing "Rendevous with U.S.S. Dirac" to read "Rendezvous with U.S.S. Dirac".

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to include the sector.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Rhi System: This is a nice simple, but short map with well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "IThe Dirac is hailing us sir" to read "The Dirac is hailing us sir".

Dirac Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Terran Hostiles: This is a good map design with a fun battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Edge of Rhi System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Starbase 93: This is a nicely designed map but maybe a little short and I am not sure if it is needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Starbase 93 conference level: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Check out lounge" task seems unnecessary. I understand the purpose of this is to get the player out of the other room while you change it up, however the player does not seem to serve a purpose in the conversation that takes place. I'll cover this in the summary above, regarding use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger that has Tormek beam in. Also consider moving Tormek?s position so that the player walks right in where you currently have Tormek.

Rhi Rumble: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Following the "Hold back ships" consider changing the "Interact" button to read "Report" or something along those lines.

Lexington Ready Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 02-17-2013 at 11:50 AM.
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