Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,362
# 151
03-01-2013, 07:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
That's basically the gist of it. His parents were merchants. He wanted something rather different, so he signed on to Starfleet. His parents were less than pleased about him not continuing the family tradition. Now that he's marrying a Trill...well...To quote my entry, "Spot head"
Plenty of potential material to explore there if the opportunity arises, and even if it doesn't, at least you'll know what motivates Bryan Equally, it would be awesome if a future LC gives the opportunity to delve more into his past and family Marcus only ever wanted to be an engineer like his father... He only found himself in a position of command by being asked to supervise a shakedown cruise as someone with an engineering background, having worked his way to a rank suitable to command, without meaning to, rather than someone like Kirk, who actively sought command, or someone like Picard, who seized command when circumstances made him the ranking officer of a ship. Amanda, on the other hand, has always wanted her own command, so always took positions with promotions which would steadily bring her closer to that goal
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,457
# 152
03-01-2013, 08:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
They referred to her as a, To quote my entry, "Spot head"
Yeah, I saw that and winced inside only to remember Trills do not really exist (or do they ). So this was a neat invented racial slur. I mean "neat" for the sake of telling a story ... I hope that came out right, but I wanted to express my thoughts and might need another cup of coffee ...
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
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# 153
03-01-2013, 09:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
For me, it's the interplay between what's happening on the bridge and in space. On the bridge, there are several characters interacting not only with other characters, but events happening inside and outside the ship ... then there is the actual actions of the ships themselves. From my perspective, it's a complicated formula I have only tapped into in writing samples on my Fleet website (the LCs have not inspired me to "go there" yet, even though I could have).

So, to answer the question above, it's both Reading other people pull it off is inspiring and gives me a better feel for how it could be done. I guess I'm more inclined to focus on the people in these LCs. A ship is a character too, but it's a differnet type of character, if that makes sense.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I've done it on a much more complex scale in other writings--I had a battle play out over multiple chapters in one work. In a lot of ways, I use the new Battlestar Galactica as my model, because I consider that to be a show where the battles were extremely well choreographed. There are a number of things that I do to make the battle flow the way I want it to.

First, I envision it playing out "on screen" as it were, to get a sense of the exact moves being made, and also of the timing. (For a long or complex battle, I often use a film score or soundtrack to help me with the pacing as well...again the music for the new Battlestar Galactica works well if you seek a fast-paced battle.) I also consider how this will affect the ships involved--am I close to or exceeding any tolerance thresholds, and if so, how will the ship react to being asked to do this?

From there I look at how people will feel as they go into this situation and how they will react to anything that the enemy ship--or their own ship--does during the course of the maneuver or the battle.

Then, as I write, I consider my sentence lengths and paragraph breaks, because in a way that's how I control the camera for the reader. Sometimes a list of several things happening at once, if the word choices and phrasing support a sort of "rapid-fire" list, can make things happen very quickly.

Sometimes I will actually break off at the end of a paragraph, mid-sentence, and go straight into another paragraph, to indicate an abrupt "pan" to something else that has suddenly happened and diverted everybody's attention. (This isn't exactly "proper" English but as a dramatic effect, it can work well if not overused, and if you know what you're doing.)

Other times, a single phrase or sentence may appear in a paragraph by itself--a sequence that plays out more slowly, that I want you to linger on and digest by itself.

These pacing techniques work regardless of what kind of action you're writing, but in battle they are especially important to control how the reader will perceive what's going on.

I'm not sure if that's at all the kind of thing you were interested in, though...?
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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 154
03-01-2013, 01:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
Yeah, I saw that and winced inside only to remember Trills do not really exist (or do they ). So this was a neat invented racial slur. I mean "neat" for the sake of telling a story ... I hope that came out right, but I wanted to express my thoughts and might need another cup of coffee ...
Thanks. I though it would work well for the situation. And, no worries, you got your point across just fine
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,362
# 155
03-02-2013, 02:32 AM
@ carpfisher: Really nice entry, thanks for sharing And welcome
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,457
# 156
03-02-2013, 06:38 AM
@ carpfisher - I agree! This was a fun read and welcome to the Literary Challenges
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 366
# 157
03-02-2013, 02:01 PM
Finally got my entry in. I'm afraid it's mostly character intros and stage directions/blocking, but that's because my basic concept for the scene was pretty simple and clear. I submit that some cultures will have very different ideas about "mercy" and/or "liberation"...
Join Date: January 2011
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,362
# 158
03-02-2013, 04:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hfmudd View Post
Finally got my entry in. I'm afraid it's mostly character intros and stage directions/blocking, but that's because my basic concept for the scene was pretty simple and clear.
Absolutely loved it The intros and descriptions were fantastic, and totally set the scene

Quote:
Originally Posted by hfmudd View Post
I submit that some cultures will have very different ideas about "mercy" and/or "liberation"...
Totally agree, and the Klingon first officer of the Valkyrie felt likewise. The only difference, was that he did not wait for permission to fire, thus sparking other events...
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,117
# 159
03-02-2013, 10:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hfmudd View Post
Finally got my entry in. I'm afraid it's mostly character intros and stage directions/blocking, but that's because my basic concept for the scene was pretty simple and clear. I submit that some cultures will have very different ideas about "mercy" and/or "liberation"...
Kind of why Alyosha, not knowing all that much about Cardassians, was afraid of what reaction he might get from Gul Tassok. He knew some families in some species either disowned or demanded the death of the assimilated, and that would be an extremely, extremely hard order for him to deal with, especially given his beliefs. :-/ (Though fortunately it went better than that.)
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)


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Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 366
# 160
03-03-2013, 10:32 AM
gulberat: I thought you handled the subject very well, and I greatly enjoyed your story.
Join Date: January 2011
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