Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 231
# 581
03-03-2013, 06:04 PM
Thanks so much. This is exactly the type of stuff I was looking for. I have scaled back the fights to make them less challenging. I've also spaced enemies out to give players more time to fight and recover. I have also added a lot of the initial dialogue you suggested. I had already taken a look at some of the UGC Starbase tutorials which gave me a lot of good ideas about triggers that I wouldn't have known about without it.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats
Lieutenant
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 44
# 582
03-05-2013, 10:00 AM
Hi Evil,

Do you give reports missions still only available to reviewers? Or only after they have been approved for general audience? Mine is still in the review stage but if you could give me some feedback on it, either as it is or once it's been approved I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've seen so far your reviews are exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for to improve this and future projects.

Mission Name: Minefield
Author: remairtamec
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGETQAUOO
Estimated Mission Length: ~45 minutes (depending on choices)

The info is also in a thread on this board available here.

Cheers
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 583
03-05-2013, 10:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek93 View Post
Thanks so much. This is exactly the type of stuff I was looking for. I have scaled back the fights to make them less challenging. I've also spaced enemies out to give players more time to fight and recover. I have also added a lot of the initial dialogue you suggested. I had already taken a look at some of the UGC Starbase tutorials which gave me a lot of good ideas about triggers that I wouldn't have known about without it.
Hi Sarek,

Glad I could help. Keep on authoring. It is the work of the Foundry authors that add more depth to the STO experience.

Thaks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 584
03-05-2013, 11:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by remairtamec View Post
Hi Evil,

Do you give reports missions still only available to reviewers? Or only after they have been approved for general audience? Mine is still in the review stage but if you could give me some feedback on it, either as it is or once it's been approved I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've seen so far your reviews are exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for to improve this and future projects.

Mission Name: Minefield
Author: remairtamec
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGETQAUOO
Estimated Mission Length: ~45 minutes (depending on choices)

The info is also in a thread on this board available here.

Cheers
Hi remairtamec,

Welcome to the queue. I am able to see any available mission regardless of review status. You are currently 8th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I will post here once the review is completed.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by skydawnknight View Post
This is a multi-part series. Only two parts so far. I enjoy reading your reviews, so it would be great to get your input on either or both. Thank you!

1st Part:
Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: @Skydawn
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 min

This is my mission thread: Dark Alliance Series
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.

I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.

Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.

Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".

Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: Dark Alliance Series
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Ensign
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 4
# 586
03-05-2013, 02:02 PM
Hey Evil70th!

If you have some free time I would love a review of my first foundry mission:


Name: The Odin

Foundry ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M

Author: Hiigariain

Level: 16+

Allegiance: Starfleet


It is relatively short... probably only 30 mins or so.


Thanks!
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 587
03-05-2013, 10:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pw0010 View Post
Hey Evil70th!

If you have some free time I would love a review of my first foundry mission:


Name: The Odin

Foundry ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M

Author: Hiigariain

Level: 16+

Allegiance: Starfleet


It is relatively short... probably only 30 mins or so.


Thanks!
Hi Hiigariain,

Welcome to the Foundry and my queue. You are currently 9th in the queue behind remairtamec. I am currently working a swing shift for the rest of this month and next month. I work on the queue as my job allows me, which is mostly weekends, and some weekdays if I have time before I go to work. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and will post here when the review is done.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Ensign
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
# 588 Hostile Diplomacy
03-05-2013, 11:46 PM
This mission is the sequel to,
"Mission of Mercy."
The Starfleet Command Council has ordered you back to Earth. With the Psi Velorum Sector at the mercy of the unknown aliens you encountered at Dera II, Starfleet needs to put a plan together quickly. The Council is also deeply disturbed by the actions of Commander H'dean, and his connection to Empress Sela. However, you will have to deal with the unknown aliens before you can go after H'dean.

Name: Hostile Diplomacy
I.D. ST-HQCXC9HXF
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
Author: treky1134

Thnx for reviewing.

Last edited by husker75; 03-06-2013 at 12:33 AM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 44
# 589
03-06-2013, 01:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi remairtamec,

Welcome to the queue. I am able to see any available mission regardless of review status. You are currently 8th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I will post here once the review is completed.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Great I look forward to seeing your thoughts on it. I've just uploaded v1.1 based on some feedback from a friend and some things I noticed from watching them play, mostly typos. All the details I gave before are still valid, just hopefully a few less spelling errors for you to notice

Cheers!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 590
03-06-2013, 06:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Thank you so much. Admittedly when I created that mission, I didn't know about the "Snap to Grid" button yet lol. Great suggestions! I've been using the Continue box to divide the text so that the player doesn't feel like they're reading walls. Now I can see how that in itself can get confusing though. I'll try to improve on it.

Glad you enjoyed it.


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
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