Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,690
# 201
03-21-2013, 03:26 PM
@ Stellardrift: Apologies for not commenting sooner, that was a really nice entry
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,690
# 202
03-21-2013, 04:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@ marcusdkane - I think I need to understnd the concept of "exposition" to be able to use it to better effect.
I might be using the term incorrectly, but I just think that certain plot points can be assumed once set up, so not always necessary to write every single word. Of course, some stuff is just fun to write, and I probably could have written enough to have shown the preparation for the the trip back to Earth, but I just wasn't feeling it as part of that story, which ultimately, I felt was about the resolutions from LC 39: I needed to decide if Eleven really was an assimilated officer, or just an incarnation of the Borg Queen trying to avoid a quick trip through the airlock, as well as the issue of First Officer... I wasn't feeling inspired enough to write a long entry, so tried to focus on the most salient points to 'carry the gaps', if that makes any sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
Having said that, I think my recent entries are ... lacking ... something. Maybe I'm forcing myself?
I really enjoy your entries, but I think I can see what you're meaning... My only suggestion, would be to consider what emotional tone you are trying to convey, in addition to any plot points you want to hit, rather than simply 'having events happen', so you are covering more than one aspect of a story... That's not to say that you're failing to do that, I'm just suggesting it as something to consider to see if it might resonate or give you any other ideas ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
I liked your having two First Officers for the reasons presented. It makes sense to me!
Thanks ^_^ One of the issues I had, was that I wanted to maintain the male-female ratio, so as to not wind up with a 'ship of the valkyries', as Q once termed Voyager following one of Q2's 'accidents', so I knew I would have to create a male character, but as GulBerat reminded me, they had to be a strong enough character to not disappear into the background. That's one reason why I chose not the have Eleven become the new First Officer... I figured that in ToS, Spock was First Officer in name only, and was functionally the Science Officer, so figured to follow that approach, rather than having a Riker/Chakotay-style First Officer, who didn't actually do anything other than talking to the captain...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
For my part, the LC topic inspired me to look at the command structure from my gameplay: I have my absolute XO (the first BOff I got), then as I acquired more I have a ship-based BOff set up and a variant Away Team set up. Since I can only have one Tactical BOff on the ship, Anthi was the obvious choice, and for Ground missions I made Karl the Tactical lead while Kathryn acted as "XO". LC 2 was a chance to briefly explain how that happened.
That makes sense, and I thought that was a good way of giving each officer the chance to take a lead depending on the scenario Equally, I consider ship-board versus away-team positions. For example, in my Doctor Who manuscript, where Marcus and the Endeavour are attending the coronation of the Pentaxian Empress, the officers who accompany him to the surface, are his chief of security, and senior navigator, afterall, no real need for a helmsman on the bridge when the ship is only going to be stuck in orbit for a few days ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
Regardless, Seven of Nine (besides being eye candy) was certainly an easy short cut to a quick end and very convenient. I had a discussion with a friend recently and revealed my favorite Star Trek series "overall" was Voyager and one of the many reasons was because SoN offered many Many MANY differnet avenues to solve problems that otherwise would be tragic for the ship and crew. At the same time, I do remember saying to myself "How will she get Voyager out of this one?"
I can definitely see what you mean ^_^ My thoughts when planning LC 10, were based on the damage to the ship, and the loss of the nacelle, and possibly having a partial evacuation of the crew via shuttles to save on resources. I then thought of the Kelvin, which only had the one engine nacelle, and considered simply having the conn officer roll the ship along it's axis so the nacelle would be 'at the top', but then thought that the field it generated would still be at the wrong orientation, and then got to thinking about the assimilated transport, and how that became modified, and that the easiest option, might be to use Borg engineering skill to make it fly right (even if only at low warp). I didn't want to have Eleven having to use her Borg body to assimilate the ship and simply morph the hardware into existence, as that would be too convenient, so went down the route of suggesting that she act as a consultant instead (I imagine that in the process of making the modifications, Eleven and Meliden would have had some interesting interactions ) That's not to say that she will be remaining on board, but it settled the question of if she was genuinely an officer or not

Last edited by marcusdkane; 03-21-2013 at 04:38 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,690
# 203
03-21-2013, 04:19 PM
@ Shevet: Really nice entry I was wondering if it was going to be a Nagillum situation, but nice to see such a simple twist at the end of how the solution was to simply 'go forth', rather than trying to rush out with warp drive
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 204
03-21-2013, 09:40 PM
My next entry is two short stories because that's the cool thing to do.

Part 1, "Dishonoring the Dead," shows T'Panna's promotion to first officer. It also gave me an excuse to write a combat scene and a news article, which were two things I wanted to do.

Part 2, "A New Name," deals with an important issue - how can I have a Luna-class Odyssey when there is a new ship class (and first of the line ship) with the same name? The answer is simple - the Admiralty stole the name from my ship and gave it to the new one. This story also deals with the fallout from security chief Yair Hillel's encounter with the Prophets (and subsequent less-than-stellar behavior that leads to an assignment change).

Here is a timeline for my stories:

2398
  • Odyssey, a Luna-class science vessel, launched
2408
  • Odyssey qualifies for a ten-year refit. It never happens.
  • April: T'Panna joins the Odyssey crew as second officer / head science officer
2409
  • September: "Backstory for ch'Raul and Jarvis" part 1 (LC 40) - ch'Raul's birthday surprise and attempt to save a wounded Jem'Hadar from suicide
2410
2411
  • February: "Dishonoring the Dead" (LC 40) - first officer Heather Eldredge killed in combat, T'Panna promoted to first officer
  • March: Lieutenant Travis Parker killed by Orion pirates during an archeology planetary visit. This troubles Carter, who had taken a personal interest in Parker's professional development (or lack thereof).
  • April: Carter and T'Panna begin an intimate relationship. "Unwilling Participants" (LC 27) - Section 31 steals the Odyssey.
  • May: "Section 31's Second Call" (LC 33) - Section 31 forces Carter to meet with Romulan informant; "Leaving New Romulus" (LC 35) - Carter discusses divorce with his wife; Section 31 thanks him for his services
  • June: "Mayhem on Deck 13" (LC 36) - crew becomes aware that Section 31 has perfected humanoid cloning
  • July: "Revenge for Lieutenant Parker" (LC 37, Mirror universe) - Section 31 uses Carter to kill Gorn ambassador, then tries to replace him with a clone
  • August: "Miles O'Brien's Funeral" (LC38) - Hillel's encounter with Prophets; "Lost" (LC 39) - Hillel deals with psychological effects from his encounter with the Prophets; "Backstory for ch'Raul and Jarvis (LC 26, Senior Officers)" part 2 (LC 40) - introduce relationship between Jarvis and Carpenter
  • September: "A New Name" (LC 40) - Odyssey is renamed Reaper since Starfleet is launching the Odyssey class vessel; Hillel is now beta shift captain instead of security chief

Crew (still haven't figured out all the casting yet):

Captain Everitt Carter (human male)
  • Mitch Pileggi
  • Age: 57
  • Bald, goatee
First officer: T'Panna
  • Minka Kelly with slightly pointed ears
  • Age: mid-30s
  • Named after Vulcan grandmother
  • Is 1/4 human
Operations: Glotz (Denobulan male)
Helm: Lt. Alastair Simeon (human male)
Lt. Parker (human male)
  • Science officer
  • Rebellious
  • Killed off
Counselor: Commander ch'Raul (Andorian chaan, which is male)
  • Doctorate doctorate in clinical psychology, and a second one in pantheistic religions
Doctor: Evans (human male, British)
Chief Engineer Miguel Jarvis (human male, Hispanic)
  • Dating Amanda Carpenter
Lt. Amanda Carpenter (human female)
  • Gets demoted from Gamma shift acting captain
Librarian: Alice (photonic).
  • Intentionally appears as a teenager
  • Ellen Page
Security: Lt. Cmdr. Hillel (human male, Middle Eastern descent)
  • Middle Eastern
  • Wife Isabella (Olga Kurylenko)
  • 4 year old daughter

Last edited by superhombre777; 03-21-2013 at 09:53 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,517
# 205
03-22-2013, 01:01 AM
@cmdrscarlet -

A very interesting little piece! I've always thought confrontation was more revealing of character than cooperation. You offered several fascinating glimpses into Captain Beringer and her security chief. I look forward to seeing them in action!

@stellardrift -

Ouch. Time travel makes my head hurt.

But I love this multigenerational rivalry you're crafting!

@marcusdkane -

Very well-written as always. I suppose it could be said that when it comes to Captain Palmer, that one should always expect the unexpected! She certainly seems to have a gift for lateral thinking and apply innovative solutions to difficult problems.

@shevat -

Another fascinating piece! I loved your Jolciots, though I'm sure they'd quickly drive my own characters insane. I also enjoyed the bit of Nietzsche that seemed to seep in when Admiral Shohl started to reflect on their predicament.

@superhombre -

Part 1 -

Very good writing! And yeah, when it comes to journalists, some things never change. They were sensationalizing war stories 200 years ago - there's no reason to imagine the same won't be true 400 years from now. I'm also liking the different facets to Captain Carpenter's personality that you display.

Part 2 -

Really enjoyed the little rivalries among the crew in this one! Again, well done.
- Edit: And thanks for the timeline and personnel roster above. It really helped me to assemble your past stories with these in a coherent narrative.

"Look at all the pretty lights!"

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics

Last edited by sander233; 03-22-2013 at 01:03 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,690
# 206
03-22-2013, 08:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My next entry is two short stories because that's the cool thing to do.

Part 1, "Dishonoring the Dead," shows T'Panna's promotion to first officer. It also gave me an excuse to write a combat scene and a news article, which were two things I wanted to do.
Very cool entry I loved Anton Po's article, and the phrase "-a disgruntled officer-" got a chuckle Obviously it was sensationalist garbage which should earn Po a swift beating from some legitimately 'disgruntled officers', but it was really nicely written ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
Part 2, "A New Name," deals with an important issue - how can I have a Luna-class Odyssey when there is a new ship class (and first of the line ship) with the same name? The answer is simple - the Admiralty stole the name from my ship and gave it to the new one. This story also deals with the fallout from security chief Yair Hillel's encounter with the Prophets (and subsequent less-than-stellar behavior that leads to an assignment change).
Odyssey was an atypical name for a Luna-Class, so no reason to not continue likewise Have to admit, I am somewhat surprized by Captain Carter's continued faith in Hillel's capabilities, especially when his internal monologue showed a less than humbled realization of the impact of his (in)actions on Thyssr, under those circumstances, I'm concerned that he might continue to be a liability, unless of course, Carter is simply 'giving him the rope to hang himself' in a future LC...

PS A Quick casting suggestion:

Anton Po - Gilbert Gottfried

Last edited by marcusdkane; 03-22-2013 at 08:03 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,690
# 207
03-22-2013, 08:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@marcusdkane -

Very well-written as always. I suppose it could be said that when it comes to Captain Palmer, that one should always expect the unexpected! She certainly seems to have a gift for lateral thinking and apply innovative solutions to difficult problems.
Thank you very much I think Amanda's prior career path rather lends itself to such things... She was initially Marcus Kane's Executive Assistant (rather than letting her get kicked out of the Academy) which I figure to be a revival of the position of Captain's Yeoman followed by a promotion and transfer to another ship as operations manager when he became Head of Intelligence, before eventually becoming a first officer. I think she's probably gotten quite used to simply 'making things work' and thinking on her feet over the years
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,089
# 208
03-23-2013, 08:28 AM
Definitely not one of my better stories and i wasn't going to post it originally but i don't know when we'd get the chance to revisit the older challenges. I decided to take it back to the style of Captain Donovan Recording a Captain's log because that's really the better way for this to fit at the moment so i apologize if it's a bit cringe worthy technical aspect.


As a side note i have Incursion Scenario Wraith Alpha One written out already as part of his Origin story, but i suppose that's a post for another time.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,764
# 209
03-23-2013, 09:48 AM
Part one is finally done! I went back and overhauled it, hopefully this time its more bearable.

The contents are still pretty wonky though, and like Minase's skepticism, not very scientific in a sci-fi story. But I hope you'd bear with me for a while more as I bang parts 2 and 3 out over the course of the two weeks.

Meanwhile, read and review guys! ^^;
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Comm. Pion
What should I wish upon the endless universe;
To be able to smile and forgive everything;
That's right, if we light up the dream in our hearts without averting our eyes;
We should be able to walk whatever tomorrow comes...

I am V. Adm. Kha Yuung, and I approve of this message.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 210
03-23-2013, 02:34 PM
marcusdkane - I liked your entry. I'm sure there will be no problems integrating the former Borg Queen into your crew...

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Have to admit, I am somewhat surprized by Captain Carter's continued faith in Hillel's capabilities, especially when his internal monologue showed a less than humbled realization of the impact of his (in)actions on Thyssr, under those circumstances, I'm concerned that he might continue to be a liability, unless of course, Carter is simply 'giving him the rope to hang himself' in a future LC...
I am envisioning Carter as stubborn and judgmental, but with a sense of duty to help people. He may be giving Hillel a chance at redemption since it's the "right" thing to do, even though he personally disagrees. Does that make him a hypocrite? Or an ideal leader?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
And yeah, when it comes to journalists, some things never change. They were sensationalizing war stories 200 years ago - there's no reason to imagine the same won't be true 400 years from now.
I was trying to find a theme to contrast against past topics of divorce, cloning, and wounded warriors. I just hope the journalist in my family doesn't ever realize I wrote this! (If Branflakes ever makes a challenge along the lines of "write something sentimental that makes your readers weep for joy," I'm sitting that one out.)

When are you posting something new? No rush, but consider this peer pressure.
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