Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,350
# 31
04-05-2013, 01:19 AM
@marcusdkane - Another brilliant piece of work! Great interlude there with Bowen and Rebecca Kane's tricorder . I never thought about it but I guess ones personal tricorder would become basically like our laptops or tablets today - business tools that we personalize and stuff with personal files and photos and music. Excellent battle sequence (loving the cool competence of T'Natra.) Kinda wish the Valkkyrie could've killed the klinks with science (viral matrix, maybe, if a gravity well is too implausible?) instead of the Big 'E' warping in to the rescue.


@maverickdude05 - Good story. Would've liked to see your characters fleshed out more. I really liked the "three ships" ending. Nice work!


"I won't try to hide behind the Law if what I stand for is what's Right."

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,764
# 32
04-05-2013, 03:20 AM
And I've posted! As usual, this is a work in progress due to time and saving constraits. Hopefully I'll actually finish this piece and not leave it hanging...

This is the latest of all my chapters. It coincidentally plays right into the End Season Upgrade that Kha was going to get, so hopefully it won't be too much of a jump-card for you, as I've got a whole timeline written out but no time to turn it into a real series of LC posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Comm. Pion
What should I wish upon the endless universe;
To be able to smile and forgive everything;
That's right, if we light up the dream in our hearts without averting our eyes;
We should be able to walk whatever tomorrow comes...

I am V. Adm. Kha Yuung, and I approve of this message.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,456
# 33
04-05-2013, 08:15 AM
@ sharpie65: A really nice, concise entry No frills, no overkill, just straight down to business

@ amurorx0: As above comments, to have the main battle left out was just unfair on the reader (although I totally agree with your rationale behind doing so ) A really solid entry though
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,456
# 34
04-05-2013, 08:23 AM
@ asardetemplari: I actually didn't mind the idea of the Vulcans creating bio-weapons... I really like the idea of the un-named captain, and rather like the cut of their jib, it'll be interesting to see how future LCs expand on their character Also, having a rather warped sense of humor, I did chuckle at the MACO hanging themself in sickbay...

@ patrickngo: I can't really add much to what Sander233 has already said, absolutely fantastic characters and language, I really enjoyed reading that entry
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,456
# 35
04-05-2013, 08:28 AM
@ cmdrscarlet: Fantastic entry as always. I really liked the action sequences and the use of the stealth suits, as well as the flirtationship between Kathryn and Daikar

@ maverickdude5: Awesome characters, I can't wait to see them again in future LCs

@ khayuung: Awesome entry, but "Aaaaaarrgggg!!!!" at the 'to be continued...'
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,456
# 36
04-05-2013, 08:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by takeshi6 View Post
A very interesting entry there, Marcus.

And wow, a weapon that destabilizes a star's gravity... that would be POTENT.

I'm still trying to hash out potential details for any entry I would make. I definitely know what the Technology I'd be protecting would be, though...
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it In Andromeda, they're called Nova bombs, and are pretty much the Highguard's Nuclear Deterrent to force the unruly to seeing things their way... I always envisaged Andromeda simply being in the distant future of the Trekverse, so decided to show the research which potentially led to the development of the Nova bombs (Gustav's explanation was lifted from the wiki, and just tweaked to read as dialogue, as I couldn't've re-written it to say the same thing differently...)

I hope you'll be able to work out some concepts so you'll be able to put in an entry
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,456
# 37
04-05-2013, 08:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@marcusdkane - Another brilliant piece of work!
Thank you very much, your feedback is always much appreciated

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Great interlude there with Bowen and Rebecca Kane's tricorder . I never thought about it but I guess ones personal tricorder would become basically like our laptops or tablets today - business tools that we personalize and stuff with personal files and photos and music.
I wanted to introduce a couple of elements, and that scene seemed the best way to do so... I wanted to introduce the tricorder for S'rR's' use in such a way as she wouldn't simply start using it and having a Save the Day piece of technology, without it simple 'appearing' and being unexplained... Of course, it is inspired by Captain Jack Harkness's Time Agency vortex manipulator, and my own personal theory as to how the user interface might function. The music was a reference back to the earlier piece I did where Marcus was playing his mother's favorite piece of music on her birthday

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Excellent battle sequence (loving the cool competence of T'Natra.)
Thanks, I wanted to give her a bit more to do than just say "Aye, Captain," and press some buttons, so decided to show that she has some serious skillz when it comes to piloting, hence the need for a large enough Klingon ship for her to start 'hull flying', and I'm hoping to develop her character more as the LCs progress

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Kinda wish the Valkkyrie could've killed the klinks with science (viral matrix, maybe, if a gravity well is too implausible?) instead of the Big 'E' warping in to the rescue.
I know exactly what you mean there, and I kinda got myself boxed in by what I wanted to include... I could have simply concluded the entry at the point where the assault team beams over to the observatory, but I really wanted to show what a badass Chanos is in a one on one situation, as well as give T'Natra the chance to show off her piloting skills, so that meant extending the entry, but I couldn't have them repeat the same trick of beaming over a warhead. Equally, I didn't want the Valkyrie to get its ass kicked back to spacedock again, so figured the best route was to have them at a standoff where the Valkyrie hasn't got the power to take down the Negh'Var, and where the Negh'Var is just too big to pin down the Valkyrie... I'd originally planned to have both the Enterprise and the Chi'toka involved, and make the entrance at the end, but I felt that might be writing GulBerat into a corner for their own entry, so decided to just use the Enterprise to settle things, without making Amanda and crew come across as incompetents who needed rescuing

Last edited by marcusdkane; 04-05-2013 at 10:41 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,922
# 38
04-05-2013, 09:25 AM
Somebody in this LC is a StarCraft fan.

Possibly more specific - possibly a Protoss fan.
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Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,654
# 39
04-05-2013, 09:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
@ cmdrscarlet: Fantastic entry as always. I really liked the action sequences and the use of the stealth suits, as well as the flirtationship between Kathryn and Daikar
Many thanks!

Action is a problem for me as i tend to be very detailed with my descriptions of what the character is doing (I think) but moving scenes can get bogged in the details. If the scene came across in your mind's eye well then I may be getting a little better at it.

But really, gulberat's advice for space combat is sitting with me and I gave it a small shot (no pun intended) in this piece. Obviously I left out the beginning and middle of the fight between ships because ... well ... that wasn't the point to the story. So I decided to describe the end Again, if the scene works, then the advice I was given may be working

On the steath suit - I'm a little loathe to the idea that I'm trying to force my schtick's into the overall lore of Star Trek. So I'm thinking this will be the last time it gets used - it served a purpose to get the action done, but I can't have this one-of-a-kind item become a gimmick for the future. I think it's comfortable to say that any research on personal cloak technology could be done on a lone station like Regula-1, without making a big deal in the grand scheme of things ... especially if it stays in R&D for the duration of a fictional universe
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,842
# 40
04-05-2013, 10:16 AM
Usually once the idea has occurred to me, I can knock a story right out, and wait impatiently for the next LC - but this time I'm glad it's staying up for so long. This week has been spring break, so I've been dealing with two kids, one of whom is a seven-year-old with ADD and a Cars video game on the Wii. Not exactly conducive to getting a lot of writing done...

Thankfully, that all clears up come Monday, so I may have a bit more time available. I'm working on another tale of Grunt and the USS Bastogne - the time isn't yet ripe for my crew to abandon the Bastogne for the heavy cruiser Hadrian, as they already have in game.
-------------------------------------------
I'm old enough not to care too much about what you think of me --
But I'm young enough to remember the future, the way things ought to be...

- Rush, "Cut To the Chase", Counterparts
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