Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 962
# 61
04-07-2013, 08:21 AM
Glad everyone liked my entry. I like to try and keep things real. While the Sentinel was able to hold off the fighters with ease, a pair of heavily armed cruisers would pack more of a punch.

I'm intending to start writing short stories based on my crew outside these LC's as well, so hopefully the crew will have more adventures for you guys to enjoy.


As for Stunshock's Species, he's a Jeroan, from the planet Jaroa. I haven't built a massive amount of backstory for the species yet, except a few insults (my favourite being "Throwlan's Ear!" the equivalant of "Bloody Hell!") stemming from their creation myth, the inability to eat fatty foods due to their high metabolism quickly absorbing the fat into their blood, thus clogging arteries within a matter of minutes, and their clothes all being blue and yellow, as those colours are very important to them culturally. I intend to explore more on the species as I write the stories.
*******************************************

A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 62
04-07-2013, 08:03 PM
My entry is now posted. It was thought up while flying most of the way across the country and reading a book about an assassination attempt. That may be reflected in the story. I have also updated the timeline with links to old posts in case anyone has trouble sleeping at night.

I have been meaning to do something like this for a while.

@ cmdrscarlet - good job. I liked how Kathryn's character was called into question (was she acting out of revenge?), and in the end we still don't know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickngo View Post
Well set-up, and nice to have backstory to reference, I see a few entries that tell me I've got a LOT of work to do to make it into the upper tiers on these challenges.
You did a good job showing that your captain is bitter and mad. I'm not sure what actually happened though besides the cousin being sent into vacuum.

Don't get discouraged by other people's entries. It seems like the best way to improve at writing is to write consistently and read a variety of things regularly. You don't need to have a lengthy entry to have a good one. (Of course, take everything I say with a grain of salt...or two, or three.)
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,255
# 63
04-07-2013, 08:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My entry is now posted.
Great piece! I loved the Tarantino-style "Let's start at the end" opening scene.

Your timeline was very helpful - I used the links to catch up on some of your LCs I'd missed and they where very useful in helping to explain Carter's motivations, as well as those of the Gorn. (Attacking a Federation research post seemed like an odd play for them, but assassinating their ambassador would provoke exactly that sort of surgical but brutal response.)

Can't wait to see where this goes next!


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,690
# 64
04-07-2013, 09:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
(Attacking a Federation research post seemed like an odd play for them, but assassinating their ambassador would provoke exactly that sort of surgical but brutal response.)
Or they heard that Drake was there. In which case, I might assist the Gorn...
-------------------------------------------
I'm old enough not to care too much about what you think of me --
But I'm young enough to remember the future, the way things ought to be...

- Rush, "Cut To the Chase", Counterparts
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,353
# 65
04-08-2013, 10:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My entry is now posted. It was thought up while flying most of the way across the country and reading a book about an assassination attempt. That may be reflected in the story. I have also updated the timeline with links to old posts in case anyone has trouble sleeping at night.

I have been meaning to do something like this for a while.
Awesome entry

[Edit to add]
Scrub that thought, I just re-read, and there's no way T'Panna could be the assassin... Maybe a cloaked agent (or better yet a crew member... ) or even a photonic agent with their parameters set to outside the Human visual spectrum

Last edited by marcusdkane; 04-08-2013 at 11:11 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,764
# 66
04-08-2013, 07:06 PM
Thanks for the comments!

Updated my post. I thought I might just throw in some pewpew with the shipborne Sevens.

As Picard found out a little late, this is why you have safety restraints!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Comm. Pion
What should I wish upon the endless universe;
To be able to smile and forgive everything;
That's right, if we light up the dream in our hearts without averting our eyes;
We should be able to walk whatever tomorrow comes...

I am V. Adm. Kha Yuung, and I approve of this message.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 67
04-08-2013, 07:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Awesome entry

[Edit to add]
Scrub that thought, I just re-read, and there's no way T'Panna could be the assassin... Maybe a cloaked agent (or better yet a crew member... ) or even a photonic agent with their parameters set to outside the Human visual spectrum
Thanks! At this point I'm not sure who I want the assassin to be. Maybe we will never find out.

Anyway, I enjoyed your entry. I particularly liked Palmer's cool demeanor - as soon as Enterprise shows up and it's clear everything will be fine, she goes back to the ready room, presumably to remember that bath house again. Nice.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,764
# 68
04-08-2013, 10:45 PM
I'm on a roll today! Updated again.

I'll do the rest of the shooter on rails thingy later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Comm. Pion
What should I wish upon the endless universe;
To be able to smile and forgive everything;
That's right, if we light up the dream in our hearts without averting our eyes;
We should be able to walk whatever tomorrow comes...

I am V. Adm. Kha Yuung, and I approve of this message.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,353
# 69
04-09-2013, 04:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
Thanks! At this point I'm not sure who I want the assassin to be. Maybe we will never find out.
Even better, that makes it a real mystery It would be cool to find out who it was, but equally, a nice little thread of uncertainty for any future LC that any of the crew (barring those with Carter) could potentially be a 31 Agent under deep cover

Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
Anyway, I enjoyed your entry. I particularly liked Palmer's cool demeanor - as soon as Enterprise shows up and it's clear everything will be fine, she goes back to the ready room, presumably to remember that bath house again. Nice.
Thanks, I view her as something of the anti-Monica... All Monica's pazzaz and organizational skills, but none of the desperate need for other's approval or self-doubt... I think having just got the ship out of spacedock, and what should've been a diplomatic mission, getting a beating from the Klingons probably exeeded her BS quota for the day, so it was time to lock herself in her room and have a little "FFS!!!" moment
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,353
# 70
04-09-2013, 06:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by khayuung View Post
I'm on a roll today! Updated again.

I'll do the rest of the shooter on rails thingy later.
Sharp action, and some quirky humor, nice polishing
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