Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,906
# 71
04-09-2013, 11:24 AM
@khayuung - I hope you can appreciate that I'll provide feedback when your piece is finished?

@grylak - Fast paced! Admittedly, I had a hard time keeping up with the characters in the scenes, but I think that's my problem because of the amount of characters involved. I can't say that's a bad thing - but it's challenging to me.

@superhombre777 - Thank you for the feedback! I think Kathryn is due for some explination because I'm wondering if her secret past is becoming old-hat. Also, I want to have her crew on her side versus at odds with her personally. I may have made the crew ambiguously loyal to the Captain or maybe starting to make them more estranged from her than being a part of her team. Does anyone else get that impression as well? Regardless, yours is next in queue so expect a follow-up once I finish it.
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,455
# 72
04-09-2013, 11:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@khayuung - I hope you can appreciate that I'll provide feedback when your piece is finished?
Same here. I struggle trying to read works-in-progress.


"I won't try to hide behind the Law if what I stand for is what's Right."

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 73
04-09-2013, 11:57 AM
(Finally) Done with mine. I was really hoping to be able to do a proper "battle" scene for the 1st, and I hopefully delivered.

A few things to note:
First, yes, this was based loosely off of the in-game "Starbase 24" fleet action. I had done it shortly before beginning, and figured that this would make for an interesting variant on what is (in my opinion) one of the most epic battles in STO today.
Second, the fleet I'm in in STO is called the 1st Assault fleet. And any (named) captains and ships in the story are based off of my fleetmates
Third, with regards to Justin, the reason he seems a little...drill-sergeanty (is that even a word?) is because that's how I've written his character. He is a bit (okay maybe abit more than a bit) hard on his people when in combat, but otherwise he's mostly a rather quiet and reserved person.

Anyway, lemme know what you guys think!
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,585
# 74
04-09-2013, 01:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
I think Kathryn is due for some explination because I'm wondering if her secret past is becoming old-hat. Also, I want to have her crew on her side versus at odds with her personally. I may have made the crew ambiguously loyal to the Captain or maybe starting to make them more estranged from her than being a part of her team. Does anyone else get that impression as well?
I wouldn't say her secret is old-hat, but, it would be interesting to see an origin post which explains her past at least to us... From the entry in Ten Forward where the crew were gossiping about her, I would say that while there are some members of the crew who are totally loyal to Kathryn, there are others who are beginning to question her, and they may become a troublesome element if her past is not somehow explained to the crew as a whole...
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,585
# 75
04-09-2013, 01:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
(Finally) Done with mine. I was really hoping to be able to do a proper "battle" scene for the 1st, and I hopefully delivered.

A few things to note:
First, yes, this was based loosely off of the in-game "Starbase 24" fleet action. I had done it shortly before beginning, and figured that this would make for an interesting variant on what is (in my opinion) one of the most epic battles in STO today.
Second, the fleet I'm in in STO is called the 1st Assault fleet. And any (named) captains and ships in the story are based off of my fleetmates
Third, with regards to Justin, the reason he seems a little...drill-sergeanty (is that even a word?) is because that's how I've written his character. He is a bit (okay maybe abit more than a bit) hard on his people when in combat, but otherwise he's mostly a rather quiet and reserved person.

Anyway, lemme know what you guys think!
Battle delivered I really liked the entry all round, but one thing which caught my attention, was that Athena had changed the appearance of her holographic avatar... I hope you won't mind my decision to similarly upgrade the Valkyrie's computer. Even though Claire hasn't made a 'personal appearance' yet, I imagine that her choice of appearance, would be the most statistically common Human appearance I have to admit, Justin did seem a bit more 'on edge' than normal in berating his staff, but IRL people have different moods, good days and bad days, and often a different 'work persona' to how they are when at home, so I wouldn't've said the shift in his behavior was unusual
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 106
# 76
04-09-2013, 02:13 PM
Sorry for not posting sooner! Things are incredibly busy on this side, but the finished story's coming soon (probably tomorrow, maybe later tonight if a miracle happens). I look forward to reading everyone's entries as soon as it's done.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 77
04-09-2013, 02:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Battle delivered I really liked the entry all round, but one thing which caught my attention, was that Athena had changed the appearance of her holographic avatar... I hope you won't mind my decision to similarly upgrade the Valkyrie's computer. Even though Claire hasn't made a 'personal appearance' yet, I imagine that her choice of appearance, would be the most statistically common Human appearance I have to admit, Justin did seem a bit more 'on edge' than normal in berating his staff, but IRL people have different moods, good days and bad days, and often a different 'work persona' to how they are when at home, so I wouldn't've said the shift in his behavior was unusual
You can go ahead and use the idea if you want. The way I see it, we're all really just borrowing ideas from everyone else so, I don't really mind that much.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,585
# 78
04-09-2013, 04:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
You can go ahead and use the idea if you want. The way I see it, we're all really just borrowing ideas from everyone else so, I don't really mind that much.
That's true, but I didn't want you to feel I was stepping on your toes, as Athena is rather unique It just seemed that as the computer cores would have to be re-formatted following Eleven's re-writes, it would make sense that the AI technology become more available Out of curiosity, what prompted her change of appearance?
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,585
# 79
04-09-2013, 04:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklysoldier View Post
Sorry for not posting sooner! Things are incredibly busy on this side, but the finished story's coming soon (probably tomorrow, maybe later tonight if a miracle happens). I look forward to reading everyone's entries as soon as it's done.
Looking forward to reading it
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 80
04-09-2013, 04:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
That's true, but I didn't want you to feel I was stepping on your toes, as Athena is rather unique It just seemed that as the computer cores would have to be re-formatted following Eleven's re-writes, it would make sense that the AI technology become more available Out of curiosity, what prompted her change of appearance?
Well, previously, I hadn't really had an "avatar" for her yet. I thought it might lead to some interesting interactions with the crew. Rather than talking to her over the intercom, I thought it would give her a unique perspective, with her not only being the ship itself, but also now seeming more like a member of the crew as well. I believe where I wrote the retrofit for the ship-wide holo projectors in the supplement I wrote to my Lone Drone entry. I'd have to check to be for certain. Anyway, as I said, feel free to use my idea I'd take it as more of a compliment than anything if you were to do that.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
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