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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashtaku View Post
Hmmm, since you're backlogged I guess I better get in line now

This is my first Foundry mission, so feel free to pick it apart and show me where I can make improvements!

Mission Name: The Tangled Webs We Weave
Author: ashtaku
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH4IN2WUC
Estimated Mission Length: 30-40 minutes, a bit longer if you explore all the optional dialogues.
Federation Mission - The Tangled Webs We Weave
Author: ashtaku
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH4IN2WUC

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good combat oriented story mission, with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. The options to take the mission in different directions depending on story dialogue choices are well done. The map designs are very well done. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players, although not on Elite level. It is a fun mission to play.

The "Optional Dialogue" using the standard dialogue insertion in the Foundry has always annoyed me. This is not your fault but the developers should add the option to make the dialogue go away after the player interacts. At present the other ways to do that are to make the dialogue part of the story or use triggered dialogue but that does not show up on the map. That is not something you control but something we should all consider asking for the developers to create.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The basic dialogue is well done but you should consider removing the duplicate [OOC] dialogue explaining the Episode type and other information already covered in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Reytan System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Yamato Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Starbase 24: This is a good map with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok Interior: This is a good map with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok CIC: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok Engineering Spaces: This is a good map with some tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a respawn point further into the map.

Transporter Room 2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The door sealing the room is too high and does not look right. Consider lowering it to be more in line with the floor.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/13/2013 on forum posting for: The Tangled Webs We Weave
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
 

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