Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,469
# 81
04-20-2013, 10:18 AM
@ryan218 - You know ... I like the style used for the conversation. Although it's not filled with the descriptions one would see in a traditional literary sense, for a message baord like this ... it worked. AND you blended in your online character too! Well done

I'll get mine in before the timer is up, but it's been challenging (pun intended).
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,775
# 82
04-20-2013, 11:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Just dropped a little something extra in LC40. Cast list here.
Very nice

It's an interesting question as to if, to an android, there is any functional difference in information programmed in or installed, or information assimilated and learned... Of course, only direct interaction with others would give that ability to interact with others. I rather liked the pathos of Barrister selecting a name to try and get in Jesu's good books, yet only ever irritated him
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,775
# 83
04-20-2013, 12:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickngo View Post
Okay, I think this edit's flowing better-less crap anyhow, and a better subtext explanation as to why things are happening.

I don't think Sa'ana's going to become a toon-at least, not one of mine-but she's got a definite 'voice' in my head, and I THINK her identity's shaping up (finally).
That flows much better, and really deepens Sa'ana's character and her friendship with Leo
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 84
04-20-2013, 01:19 PM
My entry is posted. This quick glimpse into a Romulan engineer's life is probably repeated dozens of times throughout the Empire.

The fact that D'thraan is the most celebrated Romulan researcher is something I made up.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,469
# 85
04-20-2013, 01:26 PM
@superhombre777 - Wow. Short and sweet. It really presented the nefarious machinations of the Romulans. Just a few punctuation issues that plague our work.
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,775
# 86
04-20-2013, 01:40 PM
@ ryan218: An interesting presentation, but an effective one

@ superhombre777: Absolutely fantastic entry, I hope future entries will expand on these scenarios. I trust the banker will be found to have had a strange mishap with the vault door
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,650
# 87
04-20-2013, 03:09 PM
@ryan218 - interesting story, but I think it would be more effective and more readable if you eschewed the screenplay-style and just wrote the action and dialogue out in a more natural third-person format. At any rate, the line about duty to the people superseding loyalty to the Empire struck me as particularly poignant.


@superhombre777 - very nice little piece! I liked the way you set up your character. A bit cliched, perhaps (a research engineer fully absorbed in his work) but the stereotype is certainly accurate enough. But I really enjoyed your unknown operative. (Was he working for the Tal Shiar? Or for someone else entirely?) The ending was a little abrupt, but an enjoyable entry overall.

"The Snowmenz Are Coming! The Snowmenz Are Coming!!"

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 570
# 88
04-20-2013, 04:14 PM
@superhombre777: As others have been saying, fantastic entry. Was the operative working for the Tal Shiar, or was he working for another group... say... Section 31?

...I can't help it, I've gotten to the point where I assume that Section 31 has its hands in several shady deals across both the Alpha and Beta quadrants.
Originally KiraYamato before the Account Linking - True Join Date August 2008

"Close Air Support covereth a multitude of sins." - Maxim 4, The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 89
04-20-2013, 08:14 PM
@ ryan218 - I think this is the first one of your entries that I have read. Great job! I've also thought of Thalaron weapons being used by others. They must be so tempting...

@ marcusdkane - that was a unique way to introduce your officer, and I liked it.

I'll get to the other entries later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@superhombre777 - Wow. Short and sweet. It really presented the nefarious machinations of the Romulans. Just a few punctuation issues that plague our work.
The question marks drive me nuts!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@superhombre777 - very nice little piece! I liked the way you set up your character. A bit cliched, perhaps (a research engineer fully absorbed in his work) but the stereotype is certainly accurate enough. But I really enjoyed your unknown operative. (Was he working for the Tal Shiar? Or for someone else entirely?) The ending was a little abrupt, but an enjoyable entry overall.
I have come close to the overcommitted line more often than I care to admit. In grad school I "had" to go to the lab in the middle of the night to get stuff done. In the corporate world, I had a manager who advised me against staying at work for days at a time since he did that and it didn't help his marriage. But I'm happy to say that I haven't started working with mobsters to send my kids to school. (Or at least I can't tell you publicly.)

Now I have to figure out who is pulling the strings...I will probably tweak the end some to make it less of a cutoff.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 114
# 90
04-20-2013, 09:18 PM
I have updated Dr. Othan's story again, this time with his memories of being pressed into service against the Undine, and how it must have been the unlucky Undine who were forced to impersonate Romulans...

(Hey, I wonder what Divide et Impera will look like from 'our' perspective...)

Edited to add: I really hope I'm not making this guy too bad-ass! He's a veteran, sure, but he's no fighter and hasn't actually been face-to-face in a lot of battles. I may be emphasizing the pretty deep-ingrained Romulan arrogance to play up his many character flaws.

Last edited by cosmonaut12345; 04-20-2013 at 10:11 PM.
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:40 AM.