Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,038
# 151
05-06-2013, 02:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by squatsauce View Post
R'ath is a very shy Reman and doesn't want that to show in his missive, so he's being careful to play up his Reman stoicism. In truth, his "conversations" with Tarayl are simply him staring and breathing heavily while he works up the nerve to ask her out.

As for Tarayl's thoughts? That is for another story, I think.

EDIT: I renamed the story to The Gripes of R'ath because I like that pun better.
I always enjoy laughing at your characters misfortunes. Thank you ever so much for that greatly-needed dose of schadenfreude.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,062
# 152
05-06-2013, 02:50 PM
@chivalrybean - MOAR!

@zidantribal - MOAR!

Hmm... a pattern ...

@danqueller - I am a fan of Tosik and expect to read more about his exploits! The transition from dread to hope was really great in this piece.

@dominionchris - Welcome to the LCs! Your first post is a good start soI hope to read more of Lovok in the future. As was said, use line spacing to break up the paragraphs and watch your run-on sentences.

Still working on the rest - keep em coming folks
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,038
# 153
05-06-2013, 02:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngazman View Post
Finished my piece. First time I decided to take part in one of these challenges too, woo

Don't know if i'll continue it. I haven't quite decided how T'Mara goes from being rescued by the Reclaw to Virinat.
Very nice piece of work! I do hope you continue to contribute in the future.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Career Officer
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,409
# 154
05-06-2013, 03:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Very nice piece of work! I do hope you continue to contribute in the future.
Thank you, I hope so to! I used to write similar sorts of things a lot but this was the first piece of serious writing i've done in maybe eighteen months - glad to see i'm not as rusty as thought.

I've made a fairly large addition to the post that finishes it up. Now, that is definetly finished for now, since the rest of the story will play out through gameplay
Iconian? A label created by the Dewans to give voice to their destruction.
In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant.
We simply... are.

Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,062
# 155
05-06-2013, 04:27 PM
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 154
# 156
05-07-2013, 08:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@chivalrybean - Moar!
No plans to stop! I started next scene, not enough to post yet.
Chewson Pwan - VA
S.S. Doff Lundgren
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,062
# 157
05-07-2013, 09:01 AM
@squatsauce - R'ath is a great character! the gas line jonsills refered to was definitely funny I want to see more from R'ath soon.

@johngazman - The revision was muuuch better. I'm curious about Soval - I gether he will make a reapearance? Regardless, I look forward to reading future LCs from you
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Career Officer
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,409
# 158
05-07-2013, 09:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@johngazman - The revision was muuuch better. I'm curious about Soval - I gether he will make a reapearance? Regardless, I look forward to reading future LCs from you
Many thanks I've been considering some revisions to the "battle" sequence between the two ships, as, in hindsight, it feels somewhat understated. So we shall see about that.

As for Sorval; i'd love for him to make some sort of reappearance in coming LCs, maybe even as the main character, as he's arguably the most interesting of my STO characters.

Depending on how the coming LC's unfold, i'd like to expand on him and his crew, such as Shanxi, his first officer. Maybe even that well-spoken Gorn, though I have no idea where he actually came from; he's probably some white-quality Doff
Iconian? A label created by the Dewans to give voice to their destruction.
In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant.
We simply... are.


Last edited by johngazman; 05-07-2013 at 09:25 AM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,038
# 159
05-07-2013, 02:16 PM
@aten66 - very interesting story. If you could clean it up a little it would improve readability though. Also, more description. I got a good picture of where your character came from but little feel for who he is.



...


Changing the subject, but any fans of my characters (Frank Grimes in particular) might want to check out what they're up to now in "The Road to Ruin"


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics

Last edited by sander233; 05-07-2013 at 02:17 PM. Reason: plug
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 230
# 160
05-07-2013, 09:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@aten66 - very interesting story. If you could clean it up a little it would improve readability though. Also, more description. I got a good picture of where your character came from but little feel for who he is.



...


Changing the subject, but any fans of my characters (Frank Grimes in particular) might want to check out what they're up to now in "The Road to Ruin"
Cool thanks. This was my first entry, I wanted to get feed back on it.
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