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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 51
03-05-2010, 05:25 PM
im usually far more supportive of dancing rather than divorce but here is how i see it. My parents divorced whin i was young. My mom got custody of me and proceeded to date every drug dealer in the Tampa Metro area. My Fater remarried, got custody of me and now i have the greatest mom in the world (my step-mom) she is the mother i really needed, not some drug addled nympho. if my father had simply put up with her crap, i probably would be just another dead drug addict gangsta who never made it out of the projects.

On the other hand, ive been married five years, i have a three year old and a two month old. the first two years of our marriage were hell. i wanted to leave. She started having an Emotional realtionship with another guy (Albeit not physical),and simultaneoesly with another Girl (Physical not emotional) he wanted her to move to Reno with him, and she contemplated it. We decided to stick it out and are now happily married, with two wonderful kids and a terrific relationship. I almost left her when she told me waht was up with the wierd guy/girl stuff. BUt, i realized that i had some issues that were not being dealt with, and i had "an empty love tank" and so did she. Investigate the book, the five love languages before you make a decision.

Certainly there are cases where a divorce is called for, but who knows, you may be throwing away a terrific future.

oh and, one of her (Many at that time) complaints agaist me was i spent too much time "Playing games" too.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 52
03-05-2010, 09:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlmiller10 View Post
Thankfully this is the most SANE reason my wife would have. I'm just terribly tired of raising our two children all day, running my business for someone who can't see the big picture, or ever be happy with what she has.

There is a constant tone of negativity in the home when she is around. That I cannot change, that's personal.

-Tim

Tim, life is short. Get a divorce. Just talk to a good lawyer first.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 53
03-05-2010, 09:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlmiller10 View Post
Wife called me gay for hanging out on teamspeak with my fleet, talking about the game.

lol... far from it thankfully. =oP


Yeah, she's just grasping at straws and trying to cause a ruckus.

I would leave, but my kids would end up with psycho lady.

-Tim
Tim, get a good lawyer. You deserve to be happy. Don't stay in a marriage where you have lost all respect for your partner.

You could try asking her to get professional help... good luck.

Me, I am happily married for nearly 25 years - we always talk sweet to each other and support each other. It's not a good marriage if you are constantly at odds. Home should be a haven, not a battleground. Get out, and get the kids if you can.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 54
03-05-2010, 09:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philnblanc
Tim, get a good lawyer. You deserve to be happy. Don't stay in a marriage where you have lost all respect for your partner.

You could try asking her to get professional help... good luck.

Me, I am happily married for nearly 25 years - we always talk sweet to each other and support each other. It's not a good marriage if you are constantly at odds. Home should be a haven, not a battleground. Get out, and get the kids if you can.
I don't know who you are, but I'm buying you a beer. This guy is absolutely correct. I'd usually say talk to a marriage counselor first, but it sounds like there are so many underlying problems with your relationship, the gaming is just a minor issue. Like I said, some people are just incompatible, and no amount of therapy can fix that.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 55
03-05-2010, 09:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonunitAlpha View Post
With all due respect, if this game or any game, or any other purely social activity is casing problems in your relationship, drop the game. Yes, certainly there are deeper issues at work then your game play, but most likely your game play is a distraction from these real world problems, and thus contribute to the downward spiral. She is looking for an affirmation of your love, and sees the game as competition for your attention.

Kids are involved; your priority is to them. You made them; you are responsible to them above all else. Give up the game, do what you need to do to save your relationships. The game will still be here when you have repaired or completed equitable reorganization and reprioritization of you and your children's lives.

*edited for spelling and grammer
I don't disagree with anything you said, yet I disagree with you generally. You see, it's not the game that is to blame. The problems in his marriage are not directly game related.

Why should he give up a game when it's harmless, and bringing him pleasure? His wife (from his report) seems irrational and abusive, and she apparently has a screw loose. You can't let people like that win.

He has rights. Even if he did take a vow of marriage, he didn't relinquish all of his other rights. He has a right to be spoken to and treated with courtesy in his own home, for cryin out loud. Guy's breakin no laws - she should be grateful that she knows where he is!

He could be gambling the rent money away, or spending all his time out on the town with some floozy, and then I would be on her side....but no - he's home, safe and sound, playing a video game!

That is a woman who don't know how to put a finger to her lips and just quietly thank the fates for what she has got. That alone is not grounds for divorce, but what he is doing certainly isn't!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 56
03-05-2010, 09:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonunitAlpha View Post
Whao Daeven, for the most part your a funny guy and I enjoy your posts, but as the Ten-Forward counsler.... you give some way bad advice. This guy needs to go back to the table and ask allot of questions before he makes up his mind to leave a relationship especially when kids are involved. No one said that this $h!t was easy, and just as people can grow apart, so can they grow together, it just takes more work.

OP, the answers you seek will not be found in Ten-forward and I urge you to take any advice you get here with a grain of salt, including my own.
Well said.

It's true this marriage could be saved, hypothetically. I believe if it can be saved they should try. But saving the marriage should not be about giving up harmless pleasures.

A good marriage can accommodate hobbies.

His actual complaints run deeper, and the problems in the marriage are not directly game-related.

The kind of complaints he has with his wife are very serious, and if she doesn't acknowledge her share of the blame and make an equal effort, the marriage is doomed. He should talk to a lawyer first, then he should take that knowledge with him when he throws down the gauntlet and demands change.

She has to change. It isn't all up to him. If she isn't willing to change, then he can't fix the marriage by himself.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 57
03-05-2010, 09:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daevan
I don't know who you are, but I'm buying you a beer. .
Thanks, but the next round is on me! I insist!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 58
03-05-2010, 10:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LasseBlutstroemen
What he said. If you give in to the nagging, it'll be a sign to her that nagging is the way to get you to do things, and she'll be nagging you for the rest of your life. Put a stop to this asap! Whether you make her ask nicely or get a divorce is entirely up to you. In favor of your kids, I'd try getting her to ask nicely first.
Well, I agree. The best way to make people change is to first change yourself.

If you change what you do and how you do it, everyone you interact with has to change the way they react to you.

Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 59
03-05-2010, 10:29 PM
this thread is full of win.

anyone else think chat might be evil?

theres a reason the divorce rate in america is like 75% now, people dont know how to get married right in the first place!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 60
03-05-2010, 10:32 PM
Only the OP really knows the what has transpired to bring his and his wifes relationship to the point it is. Although I think this is a fine place to seek companionship and sympathy; it is wreckless to advise the OP that he should ignore his wifes concerns and abandon a relationship he has had for years. (much less kill her and feed her to sharks, sheesh Sural! ;P)

There is a trap with video games, especially social video games and chat to use it as an escape from RL problems. I have seen it damage and destroy relationships and in rare cases lead to suicide by providing a hiding place for one to ignore the real issues. The lines between fantacy and reality blur.

It is too much to suppose this of our OP by what is evidenced here, however chances are that playing WOW or STO or whatever online franchise is the flavor of the day, is causing a rift in his home life, his kids may be better served with a more attentive father, then the OP may be ultimately better served by stepping away from the computer, taking a hit in his personal pleasure for the benefit of the family he has created.

Before you go out and hire a lawyer, take a few days off of the computer, do some booring stuff around the house, cook a special meal, read to the kids and see if her attitude doesn't change. Anyone that suggests that you do not give up any precious game time to spend time with your family is perhaps speaking of decisions they have made and are trying to justify, not necissarily the best couse of action.

Please let calm and rational minds prevail especially in affairs of the heart. Thats my 2 cents, I am done with this thread. Good luck OP.
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