Go Back   Star Trek Online > Information and Discussion > Ten Forward
Login

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,597
# 21
06-18-2014, 08:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by worffan101 View Post
Just finished mine. Warning, somewhat dark and contains violence and implied horror.

marcusdkane, the character Gol'dun is a member of that species we talked about. Like you said, the concept was just too cool not to use.

Thoughts, anyone?
This was no worse than what the Cardassians did to Picard, but when D'trel's mission could have covered any number of other scenarios, I would have preferred to read something different, and I will admit, I very nearly stopped reading before D'trel and co beamed down...

On a technical level, it was a well-written, tightly paced piece. I did find the amount of turakil words somewhat jarring without explanations, and not always immediately obvious as to their meaning, so I felt that broke the flow of reading a little, but otherwise, it was a very solidly written piece...
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,252
# 22
06-18-2014, 08:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
This was no worse than what the Cardassians did to Picard, but when D'trel's mission could have covered any number of other scenarios, I would have preferred to read something different, and I will admit, I very nearly stopped reading before D'trel and co beamed down...

On a technical level, it was a well-written, tightly paced piece. I did find the amount of turakil words somewhat jarring without explanations, and not always immediately obvious as to their meaning, so I felt that broke the flow of reading a little, but otherwise, it was a very solidly written piece...
With the turakil words, I was trying to get a bit of flavor without stopping for lengthy explanations. The intent was to have context and such help explain the words as the piece went. If it was jarring...Well, it's something to work on in the future.

On the first part: Yeah, I'm not going to write anything truly awful, but I kind of wanted that scene at the end, which I personally feel went off really well, so I made it about as dark as I'm willing to go and left the precise details out.
Founder and Grand Vizier of the Sovereign Ba'al joke. Hail Ba'al! Our theme song
My official eternal issue: Why no muscle definition slider? Let's have some equal-opportunity sexiness, Cryptic!
PWE: NO to mandatory ARC! At least make it optional!
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,597
# 23
06-18-2014, 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by worffan101 View Post
With the turakil words, I was trying to get a bit of flavor without stopping for lengthy explanations. The intent was to have context and such help explain the words as the piece went. If it was jarring...Well, it's something to work on in the future.

On the first part: Yeah, I'm not going to write anything truly awful, but I kind of wanted that scene at the end, which I personally feel went off really well, so I made it about as dark as I'm willing to go and left the precise details out.
I think because it's a totally unknown culture, it was more jarring than if it was a culture which was understood, but of course, the notion of a first contact scenario does somewhat preclude that.

It wasn't so much the content as the concept... A whole galaxy of possibilities, of things D'trel could have seen, and you write a torture scene... I'm not going to harp on about it, but frankly, I was disappointed.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,252
# 24
06-18-2014, 08:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I think because it's a totally unknown culture, it was more jarring than if it was a culture which was understood, but of course, the notion of a first contact scenario does somewhat preclude that.

It wasn't so much the content as the concept... A whole galaxy of possibilities, of things D'trel could have seen, and you write a torture scene... I'm not going to harp on about it, but frankly, I was disappointed.
--Yeah, first contact is always tricky...

--Mmh, good point. I guess it's a result of my mood; I've been pretty depressed lately at everything from stupid politicians being even more stupid than usual, to the Al Qaeda in Iraq situation, to the fact that that twisted psychopath Assad is still in power...

You get the idea. I bet that if I wasn't so cynical right now, I would've written something else.

But again, that scene at the end with Anderson the filmmaker was worth it, in my opinion.
Founder and Grand Vizier of the Sovereign Ba'al joke. Hail Ba'al! Our theme song
My official eternal issue: Why no muscle definition slider? Let's have some equal-opportunity sexiness, Cryptic!
PWE: NO to mandatory ARC! At least make it optional!
Ensign
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 26
# 25
06-18-2014, 10:05 AM
@worffan101

That was a good piece, I thought it was refreshingly dark, and not at all what I expected when I read the premise for Challenge 2. I think you did an excellent job with the implied badness without needing any graphic gory details. From my perspective, if you had gone much futher it would have been unnecessary and made for a harder read.

It also seems in-line with what we know of the Tal Shiar, and their obsessive desperation to acquire new technology at all costs.

I really liked what you wrote about Gol'dun and his species, and I hope to hear more about their culture in the future. I really love it when authors highlight the differences between these alien cultures and our own status quo.

Also, I thought you captured his alien perspective very well. I hope D'trel kept an unedited copy of that holocam footage, I suspect there may be some repercussions when Gol'dun's people come looking for him.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,252
# 26
06-18-2014, 10:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by proteusrex View Post
@worffan101

That was a good piece, I thought it was refreshingly dark, and not at all what I expected when I read the premise for Challenge 2.
Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by proteusrex View Post
I think you did an excellent job with the implied badness without needing any graphic gory details. From my perspective, if you had gone much futher it would have been unnecessary and made for a harder read.
Yeah, that was my thought process too. The implication is enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by proteusrex View Post
It also seems in-line with what we know of the Tal Shiar, and their obsessive desperation to acquire new technology at all costs.
Indeed. Dorak's a particularly twisted monster, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by proteusrex View Post
I really liked what you wrote about Gol'dun and his species, and I hope to hear more about their culture in the future. I really love it when authors highlight the differences between these alien cultures and our own status quo.

Also, I thought you captured his alien perspective very well. I hope D'trel kept an unedited copy of that holocam footage, I suspect there may be some repercussions when Gol'dun's people come looking for him.
You will, but probably not for a little while; I need to find a way to bring them in.

And yes, D'trel kept a copy. It's only right, after all, to give people's relatives closure.

Thanks for the review, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Founder and Grand Vizier of the Sovereign Ba'al joke. Hail Ba'al! Our theme song
My official eternal issue: Why no muscle definition slider? Let's have some equal-opportunity sexiness, Cryptic!
PWE: NO to mandatory ARC! At least make it optional!
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,934
# 27
06-18-2014, 11:23 AM
That was really good, worffan. Gol'dun had a more alien mindset than is common for Star Trek (always nice seeing people go the extra mile rather than just saying "Samurai IN SPACE!" and calling it a day), and I also liked the interspersing of turakil words. Nice trick for getting across that the other species has concepts for which it's hard to make an approximation.

The first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt for #2 was the Stargate SG-1 two-parter "Heroes". That piece was reminiscent of the episode in a very good way.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,252
# 28
06-18-2014, 11:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
That was really good, worffan. Gol'dun had a more alien mindset than is common for Star Trek (always nice seeing people go the extra mile rather than just saying "Samurai IN SPACE!" and calling it a day), and I also liked the interspersing of turakil words. Nice trick for getting across that the other species has concepts for which it's hard to make an approximation.
I've been reading a lot of Diane Duane and Brandon Sanderson, what can I say? Both of them are great at writing alien and unusual human cultures.

I actually spent multiple days on the turakil. They have a very interesting sort of reverse-sexist society based on inherent sexual dimorphism, and very strong views on proper funeral rituals (which I referenced in Gol'dun's fury at Dorak incinerating a prisoner).

Ungkat is like a combination of Buddhist reincarnation and certain forms of nature worship mixed with aspects of Sumerian mythology and taken up to eleven. It was hard but fun to come up with.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review!
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
The first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt for #2 was the Stargate SG-1 two-parter "Heroes". That piece was reminiscent of the episode in a very good way.
Well, thank you! I have to say that I love "Heroes" as a piece of art, but I can never forgive them for killing off Janet...
Founder and Grand Vizier of the Sovereign Ba'al joke. Hail Ba'al! Our theme song
My official eternal issue: Why no muscle definition slider? Let's have some equal-opportunity sexiness, Cryptic!
PWE: NO to mandatory ARC! At least make it optional!
Ensign
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 26
# 29
06-18-2014, 11:57 AM
So I've been thinking about Challenge 2 and where I want to take it. Part of my plan involves some throw-away names for big name celebrities who I don't care much about at all.

I'm not very good at names, especially alien names, so I'm looking for some help. I'm looking for some 2409 celebrity names that allude to our current Hollywood Celebrities.

What would you name a Klingon Robert De Niro? or an Andorian Brad Pitt? or a Vulcan Jennifer Lawrence?

Oh, and K'im Cardassian need not apply...
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,252
# 30
06-18-2014, 12:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by proteusrex View Post
So I've been thinking about Challenge 2 and where I want to take it. Part of my plan involves some throw-away names for big name celebrities who I don't care much about at all.

I'm not very good at names, especially alien names, so I'm looking for some help. I'm looking for some 2409 celebrity names that allude to our current Hollywood Celebrities.

What would you name a Klingon Robert De Niro? or an Andorian Brad Pitt? or a Vulcan Jennifer Lawrence?

Oh, and K'im Cardassian need not apply...
Brad ch'Pitt

T'lawrence

R'obert of the House of Niro

Best I could come up with really fast...
Founder and Grand Vizier of the Sovereign Ba'al joke. Hail Ba'al! Our theme song
My official eternal issue: Why no muscle definition slider? Let's have some equal-opportunity sexiness, Cryptic!
PWE: NO to mandatory ARC! At least make it optional!
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:40 AM.