Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 11
03-27-2010, 01:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tubabuhda View Post
Hey there folks. Someone brought up the old Jeff Foxworthy "Redneck" one-liners at work this week. It took only seconds for the idea of adapting them to STO to pop into my head. Here for your enjoyment are just a few that I can remember.

...you think the Galaxy Class cruiser is manufactured by Ford.

...setting phasers to stun means you pistol-whip your opponents.

...fighting Klingons involves toilet paper.

...you refit your Danube Class shuttle with oversized warp nacelles.

...you've ever eaten a tribble.

...you think the Enterprise is a rental vessel.

....you have a stihl in Engineering.

...compare Romulan Ale to wine coolers or light beer.

...think Gorn is something you grow in a field.

...you have more than one starship in your fleet that has no items assigned to them.

...name one of your Bridge Officers "Bubba."

...are xenophobic.

...you've hung a pair of fuzzy dice on your main veiwscreen.

...you have to be stopped from wearing camo clothing every time you go on an away mission.

...you take an individual asking for the Federation to grant them asylum to a looney bin.

...you've ever tried to replace your Impulse engine with a big block 350.

...you've ever tired to replace your big block 350 with an Impulse drive.

...you have a starship named for any Confederate officer.

...you believe Moonshine was first made on the moon.

...you think the Prime Directive is some sort of new-fangled computer controled part in your engine.

...you reported to the bridge for the very first time with a fishing pole and bait.

...you were disappointed there was no body of water under the bridge to go fishing in.

...you have more hunting dogs than bridge officers.

FYI folks, this is just for fun and NOT intended to poke fun at, or demean anyone.
I a from EU whats a Redneck???
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 12
03-27-2010, 01:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mhuadib
I a from EU whats a Redneck???
It's a mildly derogatory term for anyone from the back woods of the "South". The South is generally the south-eastern states in the United States, most, if not all, of the states that seceded in the US Civil War.

Google Jeff Foxworthy and "You might be a redneck" for more info. And remember that it's an exaggeration, a stereotype and a cliché. But of course, like any other stereotype, there are a few people that fit it to a "T".

"Redneck" because the men are supposed to have sunburnt necks from being out in the sun all day.


And you might be a Space Redneck if . . .

Your Primary and Secondary hulls are different colors.

Your Primary hull is duck-taped to your Secondary hull because they each come from different classes.

Your Primary hull has the Confederate flag instead of the Federation Insignia.

You have more than one targ lashed to the hull. (One is questionable. Two is certainty.)

You ripped the sleeves off your uniform tunic. And don't wear the undertunic.

You carry your phaser pistol tucked into the waist band of your pants.

You have ever had to visit the infirmary due to a "personal" phaser burn.

Directions to your home planet include "turn out of Federation space . . .".

Admiral Quinn has ever suggested you visit the refresher before going out again.

You have ever detailed an ensign to collect the empties from your bridge. And turn them in for refund value.

Your command chair reclines.

You refer to a Galaxy class as a "triple-wide".

You have Quarks bar on speed dial.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 13
03-27-2010, 07:18 PM
And you might be a Space Redneck if . . .

your ship has a trailer hitch attached to it.

you converted your combadge into a belt buckle.

your ship gets repossessed.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
03-27-2010, 07:26 PM
And you might be a Space Redneck if . . .

The hull of yer ship is painted primer
If you cut the nacelles shorter to make the engines louder
If your standin orders for the mess hall is to serve only biscuits and gravy for breakfast
If you ever asked an admiral to move headquarters to 'bamma
if you pick your exploration by the fishin holes
if your uniform is flannel
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 15
03-27-2010, 07:38 PM
if you can identify the taste of tribble

if you have a holodeck program for nascar

if all of your holodeck programs involve cars guns or cousins

if you've ever cleaned the hyponics bay and found a shuttle

if you think orion slave girls are afine idea

if when greeting a new race you say " take ya shoes off and sit a spell"

if you have a pair of boots and belt made from gorn

if your home is mobile and your ship ain't

if when seein the view screen for the frist time you ask how many channels that thing has

if you wonder if them bajoran boys are a bit light in the loafers

if you've ever hit someting with your ship then beamed it aboard so you could cook it later.

if you think a phaser and a six pack are quailty entertainment

if you read these and nodded alone because you are guilty of doing the same things you might be a space redneck
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 16
03-27-2010, 07:41 PM
And you might be a Space Redneck if . . .

Your starship looks like a Winnebago
Your quarters look like a double-wide trailer
You have a pack of cigarettes rolled up in your sleeve
There is more oil in your hair than in engineering
You requisition your uniform to be made from plaid and denim
You bite your comm badge to see if it is real gold
If your Captain's Yacht looks like a bass boat
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 17
03-27-2010, 07:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JD-Youngblood
if you can identify the taste of tribble

if you have a holodeck program for nascar

if all of your holodeck programs involve cars guns or cousins

if you've ever cleaned the hyponics bay and found a shuttle

if you think orion slave girls are afine idea

if when greeting a new race you say " take ya shoes off and sit a spell"

if you have a pair of boots and belt made from gorn

if your home is mobile and your ship ain't

if when seein the view screen for the frist time you ask how many channels that thing has

if you wonder if them bajoran boys are a bit light in the loafers

if you've ever hit someting with your ship then beamed it aboard so you could cook it later.

if you think a phaser and a six pack are quailty entertainment

if you read these and nodded alone because you are guilty of doing the same things you might be a space redneck
Great Idea, specially if it just for watchin

guilty, what else you going to do with all those dead Gorn?

yup, they do walk a lil funny

guilty? hell somebody invent one, I'll get started on the beer
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 18
03-27-2010, 07:51 PM
Yall might be a space neck if


You gots one of dem dar replimacators in your outhouse convienently located in yer ready room.

Your BO's are required to wear mullets and cut the sleeves off their uniforms cause the air conditioner dont work.

You have a ceiling fan in yer runabout

You have ancient earth stcok car racing stripes on yer nacelles along with your favorite drivers car number where yer registry number goes.

Your female BO's wear tubetops.

When ever you meet other races (whether they speak english or not) you talk slower and louder so they can understand you.

You have a mechanical bull on yer holodeck.......when the holodeck is not in use.

You have a BBQ grill/beer cooler combo in engineering and fire it up everytime they have a staff meeting.

You have ever swerved to hit a tribble while driving the trade lanes.

Baby back targ ribs..............

Your impulse engines emitt a black smog and sound like a 73 barracuda.....IE your ship has the equivalent of no muffler.

Lawn mower races on Risa!

Your exploding moonshine still brought your hull integrity down to 35%....with shields.

Your attrium grows the wacky backy, and you go hunting klingons dressed as a tribble.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 19
03-27-2010, 08:00 PM
You might be a Space Redneck if:

You think the Intermix Chamber is the name of a fancy new Cocktail place

Your First Officer "Sister/Mom" is carrying your child "Brother/Son"

You painted your ship orange, with a big "01" on the side of the hull, and when you go to warp, it sounds out Dixieland

You keep dying on Away Missions because you won't touch all that foreign food.

You consider a tear in the fabric of space and time what happens when you bend over and bust a seam in your trousers

Your home has logged more mileage than your starship

You refuse to visit the bridge of anyone who isn't showing "Smokey And The Bandit" on their main viewscreen

Someone recreated "Deliverance" in the Holodeck, and you thought you walked into a family reunion.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 20
03-27-2010, 08:08 PM
if you ever used the transporters to beam the cap off your beer

if you ever clipped your toenails with a phaser

if you had a kegerrator installed on the bridge

if standard epquiment on your ships involves a spittoon

if you tell the romulans to kiss your ass without taking the cigarette out of your mouth

if your all female is related to you

if your enitre registry number is 3

if your kit includes a starfleet zippo

if your chief engineer has told you more than twice " no this thing ain't got a hemi"

if you still think it has a hemi

if every time your go to warp the computer plays the sounds of hemi

if your tricorder is connected to your belt with a chain

if your tractor beam is a chain

if you have a 01 painted on the side of your ship

if you've ever used the transporter to clean a deer

if your quarters have shag carpet and polyester curtains

if you introduce new races to dueling banjos

if you've ever went into battle after saying " hey yall watch this"

if your galley has a BBQ pit

if the galley has tabasco sauce on every table

if your replicator can produce John Boy and Billy's grillin sauce

if when visiting the temple at DS9 you ask where the shrine to Dale Ernhart is

if the ring tone on your communicator is sweet home alabama

if every member of your crew can sing Freebird

if the bridge has a jukebox and a stripper pole

if you have a rebel flag sticking out of the shuttle bay


edit looks like great minds think alike on some of these and hell i am a redneck so i'm lovin these
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