Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 91
02-14-2009, 02:52 PM
Grat Thalasi, gj
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 92
02-14-2009, 03:00 PM
Well, I do have to give him congrats on the simple fact that regardless of what anybody else has said so far, his story was more interesting than mine.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 93
02-14-2009, 05:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icarus Tyler
Nice

What is quite interesting is that my Piece of text, which I abbandonned after my pc crashes (taking all data with it, including my text) wasn't that different story-wise.

I wonder if other contestants had similar story points, like destroyed moons and extinct civilizations.
tbh mine was from the view of the bridge, of a hazard squad op, a red shirt, but yeah i wondered what other perople wrote as well.

grats Thasasi.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 94
02-14-2009, 05:42 PM
Congratulations, Thalasi.

That said, I do agree with some of the other posters: it's a bit too encyclopedic. No real characters or antagonists, just groups of long-dead people. The one hook related to the Romulans was a little derivative. I also don't understand how a bomb injected into the planet's core ends up nuking the planet's moon (if it was tested on the moon, maybe, but AFAIK few moons have liquid cores, and the Earth's moon does not).

But don't worry about my criticisms: I'm just a sore loser.

I'm hoping the contest people end up selecting a few more writers, and I hope that more of these contests continue. If somebody's a good writer, that usually makes them good at providing beta-test feedback. ^_^
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 95
02-14-2009, 06:32 PM
Congrats! Great story.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 96
02-14-2009, 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veggiesama View Post
Congratulations, Thalasi.

That said, I do agree with some of the other posters: it's a bit too encyclopedic. No real characters or antagonists, just groups of long-dead people. The one hook related to the Romulans was a little derivative. I also don't understand how a bomb injected into the planet's core ends up nuking the planet's moon (if it was tested on the moon, maybe, but AFAIK few moons have liquid cores, and the Earth's moon does not).

But don't worry about my criticisms: I'm just a sore loser.

I'm hoping the contest people end up selecting a few more writers, and I hope that more of these contests continue. If somebody's a good writer, that usually makes them good at providing beta-test feedback. ^_^
Just because the earths moon doesn't have a liquid core doesn't mean that another moon can't. I will have to re-read the story but I thought the weapon was developed on the planet and shot at the beings on the moon.

I agree with the beta tester comment - and Cryptic has already said there will be more contests like this so we will have to wait to see what it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eidolonael View Post
It's called peer criticism and it's part of any artists efforts into shared expression whether it be paint, word, or stone... The very fact that you are responding with this type of namecalling (essentially calling people who didn't like the winning entry or had something to say about it other than "great story!" a baby) shows that you have no idea what it means to submit a novella, short story, or other creative piece of literature to an editor only to have it returned with so much red it looks like someone mopped up a crime scene with it.

You take it in stride and move on. That's what criticism is all about. If noone criticised your work, you would never improve...
This is very true -- and so far no one has attacked Thalasi or his story -- just stated they didn't like how he 'explored' the planets history. It has started some overall good conversation.

The criticism I find odd is the ones that are saying Cryptic isn't keeping true to contest, and cheated some of the other stories. Exploring a planets history is just as important as the planet himself, and he did tell you exactly what it looked like - barren. There isn't anything left but artifacts for the Federation science team to find. It is a waste land, and that isn't easy to write 500 words about so you end up writing about how it became a waste land.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eidolonael View Post
I had no problem with the weapon... I just had a problem with it being about a planet and the planet didn't receive enough attention. The focus seemed to shift from the planet itself, and exploration on that planet, to another object that really didn't evolve the planet at all in the sense of making it explorable and tangible as an in-game resource.

I agree, the weapon has potential, but this was a planet exploration story contest, not a create-a-weapon with a story behind it contest.
There was lots of information about the planet - although subtle. He explained why the debris field was around the planet. Why it was red. The fact that it was barren and used to have life. Lots was offered as planet exploration, including history on the species that used to live there. Just because he didn't use 182 words describing the beauty of the northern hemisphere, or 78 words about the creatures in the jungle, doesn't mean that he hasn't explored the planet. Picard went to many barren planets. some of them used to be class M's and he was considered exploring new worlds. So I ask you if you where a judge would you want to read 1500 similar stories. This was probably a winner because it was well written, and it was memorable - Thalasi thought outside the box.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 97
02-14-2009, 07:20 PM
Congratz but I have tons of problems with that story...

Why would a race try to take another race's MOON? The Klingons might as well take our moon. It makes no sense!
A mine that makes "all" of the magma go to the surface? lol... What? That's ridiculous. Might as well blow up the planet since it would probably take less energy and effort. It mentions ruins but if ALL the magma went on the surface there'd be nothing freakin' left as the whole surface would be magma.
The moon fractured into dozens of pieces? I'd think hundreds or thousands or millions would be more like it. Dozens of main parts maybe but it's not told like that.
The tidal wave part doesn't make any sense. If anything with the moon spread out more the pull would be lessened and since it's a ring around the planet the tide would be pretty much the same all the time.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 98
02-14-2009, 07:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by USS Parallax
Congratz but I have tons of problems with that story...

Why would a race try to take another race's MOON? The Klingons might as well take our moon. It makes no sense!
They could have been two civilizations at war - he didn't really have enough words to explain that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by USS Parallax
A mine that makes "all" of the magma go to the surface? lol... What? That's ridiculous. Might as well blow up the planet since it would probably take less energy and effort. It mentions ruins but if ALL the magma went on the surface there'd be nothing freakin' left as the whole surface would be magma.
True enough - but it could have been that the magma was blow out at such velocity that it was in its stratosphere, and more or less just suffocated the planet, or was shot high enough that by the time it came down it was more or less just like giant rocks and ash covering all -- like Pompeii.

Quote:
Originally Posted by USS Parallax
The moon fractured into dozens of pieces? I'd think hundreds or thousands or millions would be more like it. Dozens of main parts maybe but it's not told like that.
The tidal wave part doesn't make any sense. If anything with the moon spread out more the pull would be lessened and since it's a ring around the planet the tide would be pretty much the same all the time.
I don't know what to say - I think that is far to literal of a reading on a story with a 500 word cap, but yes there are some inconstancies.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 99
02-14-2009, 08:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by USS Parallax
Congratz but I have tons of problems with that story...

Why would a race try to take another race's MOON? The Klingons might as well take our moon. It makes no sense!
A mine that makes "all" of the magma go to the surface? lol... What? That's ridiculous. Might as well blow up the planet since it would probably take less energy and effort. It mentions ruins but if ALL the magma went on the surface there'd be nothing freakin' left as the whole surface would be magma.
The moon fractured into dozens of pieces? I'd think hundreds or thousands or millions would be more like it. Dozens of main parts maybe but it's not told like that.
The tidal wave part doesn't make any sense. If anything with the moon spread out more the pull would be lessened and since it's a ring around the planet the tide would be pretty much the same all the time.
Something tells me their choice wasn't made based on scientific accuracy.

If that was the case choosing star trek may not have been the best choice to begin with.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 100
02-14-2009, 09:58 PM
haha - there is SOME scientific bases in trek, although it is mostly just good entertainment.
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