Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Mission: The Siege
12-22-2010, 08:55 PM
Well I have just published my first mission by myself.

"The Siege" Recommended difficulty = Normal

The war along the Klingon front lines rages on. You and your crew have been tasked by Starfleet Command to aid an embattled Starfleet Marine Squad. The ultimate goal: to hold a vital system for the Federation.

The Siege will take about 15 minutes or less if you read dialogue fast. Also, among some things I wanted to stay away from was, objective a-b-c and kill random spawns inbetween. I more want to give the player a reason why he has to engage in combat, even if I have to give a reason for each 'spawn' of enemy you might come across.

please comment, rate, appreciate. Please answer the following questions to better help me do future missions.

Did you enjoy the mission?
Was it too short, too long or just right?
What would you like to see more of?
Which aspect of the mission did you like?
Was the dialogue of your crew too personal? Or was it objective enough not to distort your sense of your crew's personality?
What do you like?
What you don't like?
What could be done better? Foundry/technical wise or story wise

Please rate more according to story, and give feed back on the implementation, if you found it fun enjoyable and a good story that's my aim

It is 1 a.m. Here is my blog:

http://stofoundry.blogspot.com/

The first mission I wrote called "The Promise" has not yet been completed/published as I did that in conjunction with my friend -ONE-.

This will be the first of maybe a series of five for holodeck once the Foundry is live next year. In the mean time I will write the scripts etc.

These will be the only two I will publish for now. My blog details my main wishes for my missions and where I wish to see others go and some of the innovations I wish to see moving forward with the Foundry and missions in general.

All might not be prevalent in The Siege, and some will be included in The Promise, but The Promise isn't done yet.

The Siege will take about 15 minutes or less if you read dialogue fast. Also, among some things I wanted to stay away from was, objective a-b-c and kill random spawns inbetween. I more want to give the player a reason why he has to engage in combat, even if I have to give a reason for each 'spawn' of enemy you might come across.

Alot of Cryptic missions (yes I know they are getting way better), fill time by putting in mindless spawns inbetween objectives. It's like go here and do this, but nothing is mentioned about why enemy would be there or why you shouldn't possibly avoid them. So groups of 5 or 5/5 is the end result that you have to go through to fill time and make the mission longer.

You won't find such in my mission, and every spawn will have an 'objective' against you, and you will likewise have your own objective against it.

I will post the word file script I worked from later on, basically I wrote an idea out in like pseudo Foundry code, you go here you do this you interact with this guy, help this guy, etc, then I converted it to a script with the characters, the dialogue, the action, the set pieces. Script goes through alot of tweaking.

Also since it is my first creation myself, I had to work around the limitations of the Foundry as compared to how I had it in my script, but it will better enable me to adapt future scripts to the Foundry since I cannot do vice versa.

The script still have to serve as a main guideline and help things flow and be prepared instead of making up a mission as I use Foundry. Even though on the go you see things you have to add once you get into the tool.

"The Siege"

The war along the Klingon front lines rages on. You and your crew have been tasked by Starfleet Command to aid an embattled Starfleet Marine Squad. The ultimate goal: to hold a vital system for the Federation.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
12-23-2010, 06:54 AM
Update:

Without spoilers...the difficulty has been adjusted. I thought I had it perfect, but it's been adjusted. Should be fine now. Please try again if you had issues.

Hints: It is a good idea to assist your allies as much as possible in combat. Using all the powers you can, you tip the balance.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
12-23-2010, 02:43 PM
come on guys, at least one person. The mission is about 15 minutes long depending on how fast you read dialogue.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
12-23-2010, 03:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
come on guys, at least one person. The mission is about 15 minutes long depending on how fast you read dialogue.
I was in the process of playing this mission, when the Tribble server was taken down for maintenance. I will finish the mission once the server is back up, then leave the review here.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
12-23-2010, 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
come on guys, at least one person. The mission is about 15 minutes long depending on how fast you read dialogue.
I am on mobile broadband until Jan 17th. I am keeping my holodeck and tribble activities to almost dead zero now. the only times I log on to tribble is to check if i got any new reviews for my mission. a 2 minute job max.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
12-23-2010, 06:06 PM
Ok. The Tribble server is back up, and I've finished the mission.

Did you enjoy the mission? Yes, absolutely.

Was it too short, too long or just right? IMO, it was just right, for the kind of mission it is. In a battlefield situation, it's not always 'engage 5 enemies here, repel 5 enemies there'. Defending the base on 2 different fronts was a nice touch.

What would you like to see more of? Interaction with the NPC's. I would have liked having Captain Anderson asking for more tactical advice, since he has 'heard of my battlefield experience'. Also, the doctor seemed just a bit 'incompetent' in that, he didn't want to treat the squad until I ordered him to. He actually seemed reticent to do his job. In most battle situations, the doctors first priority is his squad, making sure they are 'battle fit'. If they are not, they are discharged. Period. Doctors on the front lines can't afford second-guessing themselves.

Which aspect of the mission did you like? The base was nicely laid out, using the natural terrain of the forest. Well done. Also, the Crewman Connor.. seems to be a promising young officer. Would like to see him in future missions, to watch how he 'matures' in his Starfleet Career. Also, the part where my ship contacted me, seeking my permission before going off on a secondary mission. Very cool. And, the way they kept in contact with me. Made me actually feel like I was in command. Not my BO's.

Was the dialogue of your crew too personal? Or was it objective enough not to distort your sense of your crew's personality?IMO, the interactions with my crew was just right.

What do you like?Story-based missions. And, this mission fit the bill perfectly.

What you don't like?Not being able to see enemies that I'm fighting. I'll explain in the next section.

What could be done better? Foundry/technical wise or story wiseThe last several squads that I fought, I couldn't see them, at all. A set of crates sat between them, and me and my crew.
Try not using a known exploit of the Foundry, when setting enemy spawn points. Knowing that I could shoot through the crates helped in fighting, but I would like to be able to 'see the whites of their eyes', so to speak.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
12-24-2010, 01:33 AM
WOW! awesome, thank you SO much for your feed back....

way better than I had hoped for....great encouragement for me to continue. Please encourage your friends/fleet mates to play the mission.


Did you enjoy the mission? Yes, absolutely.

Was it too short, too long or just right? IMO, it was just right, for the kind of mission it is. In a battlefield situation, it's not always 'engage 5 enemies here, repel 5 enemies there'. Defending the base on 2 different fronts was a nice touch.

What would you like to see more of? Interaction with the NPC's. I would have liked having Captain Anderson asking for more tactical advice, since he has 'heard of my battlefield experience'. Also, the doctor seemed just a bit 'incompetent' in that, he didn't want to treat the squad until I ordered him to. He actually seemed reticent to do his job. In most battle situations, the doctors first priority is his squad, making sure they are 'battle fit'. If they are not, they are discharged. Period. Doctors on the front lines can't afford second-guessing themselves.


I take your point and agree wholly. I will adjust the dialogue, by the time it is ready to launch it will be a perfect 'first' mission. My only problem is testing, I wouldn't want to publish 10 missions on tribble, too much work to re-do them for holodeck. In the future I want other peoples opinion, like yours before publishing, I need testers who can play through a mission at least once, easier said than done though.


Which aspect of the mission did you like? The base was nicely laid out, using the natural terrain of the forest. Well done. Also, the Crewman Connor.. seems to be a promising young officer. Would like to see him in future missions, to watch how he 'matures' in his Starfleet Career. Also, the part where my ship contacted me, seeking my permission before going off on a secondary mission. Very cool. And, the way they kept in contact with me. Made me actually feel like I was in command. Not my BO's.

This is among many feelings I want to achieve. Like sometimes on away missions you might need help, and your ship is in orbit, so why can't they beam in some red shirts? When the Foundry adds the ability for friendly reinforcements to spawn based on a trigger, this will be better, right now you can only add friendly npc groups from the beginning which are always visible. I always want to take care of perceived 'plot holes' which means plot holes in general and perception that something IS a plot hole even though it isn't. Keep the star trek feel there.

I fully intend to re-feature my characters in continuation of the 'series'. And possibly in future series. I have noted their descriptions and names and personality. Hopefully if enough people like and look forward to my missions then I can build a 'fanbase' who will come to know the characters well.

Was the dialogue of your crew too personal? Or was it objective enough not to distort your sense of your crew's personality?IMO, the interactions with my crew was just right.

I try not to inject too much personality, because this has been a complaint of some people with their crew having 'conversations' that it doesn't fit their perception of their crew that they had in mind. So I try to keep their comments factual and professional, something any starfleet officer would say regardless of personality.

What do you like?Story-based missions. And, this mission fit the bill perfectly.


What could be done better? Foundry/technical wise or story wiseThe last several squads that I fought, I couldn't see them, at all. A set of crates sat between them, and me and my crew.
Try not using a known exploit of the Foundry, when setting enemy spawn points. Knowing that I could shoot through the crates helped in fighting, but I would like to be able to 'see the whites of their eyes', so to speak.[/quote]

I've learned of this bug, it's actually a mistake on my part. I have to adjust the placement of the spawn a bit or move the walls out a bit further so they do not spawn behind the walls.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
12-24-2010, 01:27 PM
As promised here is the original un edited script that I wrote before I knew anything about how the Foundry works.

The Siege

http://www.2shared.com/file/WCbt55dE/The_Siege.html

Obviously the final product differs alot but it still helps to have the script. I find after you've written a story you can go back in while writing and reading it over, and add elements which better link the conversations, the story,make things more concise and precise and enhance the impact of certain things.

My next script should be far closer to the end product now that I know how Foundry works.

I go through three processes, a pseudo script, a script and then create it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
12-24-2010, 02:10 PM
Did you enjoy the mission?

yes i did enjoy it. i was just getting slightly bored of the running around at the start. i felt like i was running in circles. id make that shorter in future, or at least cut out some of the talking to contacts, and just have them as pop ups like im using my combadge.


Was it too short, too long or just right?

just about right, but i would not mind a space section.

What would you like to see more of?

again the one thing you did not add. a space section.

Which aspect of the mission did you like?

inspecting the defences was very cool, i dont often see stuff like that

Was the dialogue of your crew too personal? Or was it objective enough not to distort your sense of your crew's personality?

could be more race neutral. some of the dialogue might have to be spoken by a vulcan or a klingon for example so just be mindful. i did not mind it personally but just dont over do it.


What do you like?

keeping the mission fresh, mix combat and dialogue, ground and space. you did pretty well.

What you don't like?

too much running around. the large number of mobs could be an issue on elite, especially if the npc allies die too quickly. i only played on normal and it felt just right but people on higher difficulty could run into a problem, if the 4 mobs one shot the npcs and then leave you to face 4 mobs.


What could be done better? Foundry/technical wise or story wise.

remember to put the location in the mission description. you only put the location k7 in the opening pop up. if i faile to read it or forget where to go i have no idea what to do. either set a reach marker up at the beginning to say Go to K7, or pu it in the mission description.

the first continue button said 'take us in' this pops up before you get the dialogue so go for something more neutral. 'Begin: The Siege' is a good start if people have more than one mission at k7, so they know whose mission they are starting

also put the full stops at the end of the continue dialogue. if your captain is speaking then it send the punctuation. if its a story command like 'Beam down to planet' or 'Begin: The Siege' then you dont need it.

overall i gave it 4 stars. it was a decent mission and i had fun playing it. some minor tweaks would help but a good mission.

Hope that helps
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
12-24-2010, 02:46 PM
Did you enjoy the mission?

yes i did enjoy it. i was just getting slightly bored of the running around at the start. i felt like i was running in circles. id make that shorter in future, or at least cut out some of the talking to contacts, and just have them as pop ups like im using my combadge.

Good idea, I'll cut out the running back to Captain Anderson, and just have you use your communicator, the other guys you need to go to because you have to do stuff with them. Also there is no spawns at all in the beginning which is why the running around, usually in ST you would see lots of story first then a big end sequence. I am not going to change it now, since I want more feed back on how it is. But I have saved all this feed back to read again before I publish it to holodeck.

Was it too short, too long or just right?

just about right, but i would not mind a space section.

One will be included in the Holodeck version. I have it written already. - Cruis.In

Which aspect of the mission did you like?

inspecting the defences was very cool, i dont often see stuff like that

Was the dialogue of your crew too personal? Or was it objective enough not to distort your sense of your crew's personality?

could be more race neutral. some of the dialogue might have to be spoken by a vulcan or a klingon for example so just be mindful. i did not mind it personally but just dont over do it.


What do you like?

keeping the mission fresh, mix combat and dialogue, ground and space. you did pretty well.

What you don't like?

too much running around. the large number of mobs could be an issue on elite, especially if the npc allies die too quickly. i only played on normal and it felt just right but people on higher difficulty could run into a problem, if the 4 mobs one shot the npcs and then leave you to face 4 mobs.

Elite is currently bugged, cryptic has to fix the one shotting thing, for now I recommend normal play. But your friendly AI should get 'elite' status too when playing on elite. -Cruis.In

What could be done better? Foundry/technical wise or story wise.

remember to put the location in the mission description. you only put the location k7 in the opening pop up. if i faile to read it or forget where to go i have no idea what to do. either set a reach marker up at the beginning to say Go to K7, or pu it in the mission description.

Noted I had begin at first but was afraid someone would think it is not immersive. -Cruis.In

also put the full stops at the end of the continue dialogue. if your captain is speaking then it send the punctuation. if its a story command like 'Beam down to planet' or 'Begin: The Siege' then you dont need it.

Neither here nor there with me, ill see what others say. Full stops take up a character space and you have 25 characters limit on a continue button -Cruise.In

overall i gave it 4 stars. it was a decent mission and i had fun playing it. some minor tweaks would help but a good mission.

Hope that helps


Thanks for playing my mission please tell your fleet mates and friends to try it!
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