Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 1 Now available! "The Bajoran"
10-23-2013, 04:11 AM
Hello all,
My first story heavy mission is ready for beta testing. If you play it, please reply to this thread if you have the time and let me know what I can do to make it better. Always looking for ways to improve.

The Bajoran

Faction: Federation (Designed primarily for Fed captains)
Mission ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Author: djf021
Level: 31+
Play time: Approximately 1 hour-1 hour and 15 minutes
NOW QUALIFIES FOR FOUNDRY REWARDS

Description:

You are called upon to deliver an accused killer to Cardassia Prime to face his charges. However, what should be a simple trip quickly turns troublesome...and not everything is as it seems!

Remember, this is intended to be mostly a story oriented mission, though there is combat involved. If you reply here, please let me know what I can do better. I realize opinions can differ, but I'd like to hear it all: Story holes, any bugs encountered, improvements to dialogue, ways I could have done a particular effect better, etc. I WANT to get better. Thanks for your time, and please enjoy.

P.S. If you like the mission, please forgo the tip if you'd like. INSTEAD, please tell anyone you think would like it so I can get as many plays as possible.

Thanks to all!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!

Last edited by djf021; 11-01-2013 at 11:36 AM.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 2 CatstarSTO review!
10-27-2013, 03:53 PM
Just got a good review from CatstarSTO! Please check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiAzB...a1nt1vmt7AjjqA

Still looking for plays so I can qualify for Foundry rewards. Thanks!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,628
# 3
10-27-2013, 09:39 PM
I started playing it just now, and I'm going to give you the same suggestion I gave the guy who wrote the "Infinite Realities" series in my reviews: Take a look at my avatar.

My Fed toon is Bajoran, and she should therefore know a lot of the background material about the Occupation already. Some special dialog options for Bajoran PCs would be a nice touch, RP-wise.

EDIT: Also, on the second map you need to move the streaming stars warp field effect forward some. It's barely visible from where I spawned.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 10-27-2013 at 09:44 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,628
# 4
10-27-2013, 10:05 PM
Ok, another issue: Bajorans give their surname first and given name last. If Nas is supposed to be Gelim's family name, as evidenced by his wife being Loryn Nas, he should be Nas Gelim and she should be Nas Loryn.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 5
10-28-2013, 03:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
Ok, another issue: Bajorans give their surname first and given name last. If Nas is supposed to be Gelim's family name, as evidenced by his wife being Loryn Nas, he should be Nas Gelim and she should be Nas Loryn.
Facepalm...I can't believe I forgot to do that. Really tried to do my research and in fact knew that, but must have forgotten to swap them around. Thanks, that will be fixed ASAP!
One thing I never quite understood...Does this mean in CASUAL conversation he would be called "Gelim" or "Nas"?

Thank you so much for playing!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!

Last edited by djf021; 10-28-2013 at 04:07 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,628
# 6
10-28-2013, 07:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by djf021 View Post
Facepalm...I can't believe I forgot to do that. Really tried to do my research and in fact knew that, but must have forgotten to swap them around. Thanks, that will be fixed ASAP!
One thing I never quite understood...Does this mean in CASUAL conversation he would be called "Gelim" or "Nas"?

Thank you so much for playing!
Fortunately I've been watching Deep Space Nine on DVD recently, up through season three. With Kira Nerys the rest of the main cast mainly called her Kira or by her rank. Vedek Bareil, her boyfriend for most of seasons two and three, called her Nerys. I think Odo did, too, once or twice.

So I think it works about the same way among Bajorans as among English-speaking humans: surname for acquaintances and, given name for good friends.

On another note, props to you: I don't think I've ever had a mission script make me that angry before. And good thinking reskinning a Dominion ground squad as Cardassian so you could have them led by a Founder.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer

Last edited by starswordc; 10-28-2013 at 07:36 AM.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 7
10-28-2013, 09:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
On another note, props to you: I don't think I've ever had a mission script make me that angry before. And good thinking reskinning a Dominion ground squad as Cardassian so you could have them led by a Founder.
LOL glad to hear it. Anger is exactly the emotion I was hoping to invoke in some of my readers. As for the Dominion squad, I just hid the Jem'hadar members and used an ensign Cardie squad. Didn't want to have cardies with Jem'hadar abilities.

Glad you enjoyed it. I'm definitely fixing Gelim's name instances, and also brainstorming on Bajoran PC dialogue options. Thanks for your comments, this is what helps me get better.


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,628
# 8
10-28-2013, 04:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by djf021 View Post
As for the Dominion squad, I just hid the Jem'hadar members and used an ensign Cardie squad. Didn't want to have cardies with Jem'hadar abilities.
Huh. I'm going to have to remember that one. What'd you do, stick the Jems in empty space?
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 9
10-28-2013, 06:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
Huh. I'm going to have to remember that one. What'd you do, stick the Jems in empty space?
It was a tip I got from someone else here on the forums. I moved the "actors" to the opposite corner of the map (in this case, the original spawn point room-set to not appear until the Founder of course) and surrounded them with invisible walls to make sure they couldn't run to the player.


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
My newest mission, "The Bajoran", now qualifies for standard mission rewards. Please check it out, I want to get as many plays as possible. Thanks!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
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