Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
When I was a little kid I got in this program for kids with social issues. It was for kids without friends and who were depressed. It was basically a psychiatrist for children.

We'd be pulled out of our boring classes for 1-2 hours at a time and play games like the Game of Life with other kids for most of the time. Then do like 10 minutes of "nobody likes me, I have no friends, I'm sad" talk.

Here's the thing... I had friends. I wasn't depressed. People liked me. I faked it to get out of class. I was an evil little kid.

Then like 20 years later I find that there's a Malcolm in the Middle episode where he basically does the same thing. They stole it from me!

In second grade I had to pee really bad. I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. By the time I got there it was too late. Right before the toilet I peed my pants.

What did I do? It was raining. I jumped in a puddle went back to class and said I fell in a puddle. Nobody was the wiser.

*Santa spoilers*
I was a kid who was unusually bound to reality. I never believed in Santa. I knew it was my parents along with the Tooth Fairy and all that. I remember thinking how dumb other kids were for falling for that so... I told them the truth. I told them Santa wasn't real. This was when I was like three and up.

I pee'd off so many parents who would in turn yell at my parents. I think I made one kid cry.

But really, I don't think this is a stupid thing I did. At the time I thought the other kids were stupid for believing in what was obviously fake. I mean it would be physically impossible for Santa to visit so many people in one night. There was no feasible way for it to happen and I realized it when I was young as crap and didn't fall for any of the adult lies (that's what they are!).

Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
02-13-2011, 01:39 AM
I activated a silent alarm in my dads civilian police car making every cop in the state rush to our house.

/end thread
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
02-13-2011, 02:00 AM
At the age of six I challenged myself to see how long I could go without ingesting any form of liquid. That ended well.

When I was eight I decided to activate the fireplace on my own. I ended up not opening the vent so the entire room flooded with delicious, foggy carbon monoxide...or whatever it is smoke gives off. I ended up sitting in it for ten minutes or so, wondering why the world was getting so hazy.

From the age of 13 to 17 I annoyed girls I liked. I remember being madly in love with this one curly-haired girl when I was about 13. I thought a good idea to demonstrate it would be to steal her "sunshine-bear" and hang it from the most decrepit old tree I could find.

When I was 12 I decided to twirl a coat-hanger on my finger round and round. It ended up flying off said finger into a painting worth thousands and thousands of dollars. We had to secretly take it to be repaired.

When I was 10 or so I decided to try and shoot arrows at fish in my pond. I eventually hit one at random, and for a few moments I was stoked with my kill until the burden of guilt finally weighed in.

When I was 21 my friends had me play "never-have-I-ever". As I kept losing my friends neglected to tell me I could stop taking shots once all of my fingers were down. Curse them.

When I was 8 I tried to cook a pop tart. Long story short, I didn't move the toaster from under the cabinet.

When I was 14 I got back from practice one night so I thought I'd ease the pain by using Bengay. Turns out when you open a new tube the pressure difference can cause it to spurt out. Long story short it ended up all over my lap. That stuff burns horribly so.

When I was 3 I found a bunch of 12 guage shotgun ammo. I ended up putting it in a tube sock and flinging it around.

When I was 10 I went to see Shamu. In defiance of my family's urgings I rushed into the splash zone and started banging on his tank, asking for retribution. I practically fell over when the salt water hit me, but I did get on the jumbotron.

When I was 9 or 10 I decided to do what all the popular kids were doing and jump off the twisty slide. Broke my foot.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
02-13-2011, 02:34 AM
I ∆weesed it. All childhood long.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
02-13-2011, 02:37 AM
Oh dear oh dear oh dear... there are so many; a lot of which involve hurting myself.

I have:

1) Shot myself in the foot with an air rifle. Pellet was lodged in my toe for several days before I had a doctor dig it out >.>

See, in my youth I thought hunting was going to be a fantastic hobby for me; and so every summer I'd go shoot birds in the tiny woods behind our apartment. However, upon seeing a bird up on a telephone line... I inadvertently pulled the trigger on the gun which I had been resting, barrel down, on my foot.

2) Split my shin open playing Flashlight Tag at a Boyscout event. There was a stump that had been gnawed on by some creature >.< probably a beaver, that was sticking up out of the grass. I wasn't paying enough attention and... pain ensued!

3) Dropped a lit match down a bottle of rubbing alcohol because I had learned the word "Flammable" meant "Can be lit on fire, and fire is awesome". Third degree burn on my thumb and a huge get of fire out of the bottle for my trouble.

4) Lit the area between the woods and my apartment (and thus all the neighbors apartments) on fire. It was a dry summer, my brother had just been stung by a bee, and being the protective older brother that I am... I uhm, thought it would be a great idea to "burn the heck out of those stupid bees". So I stuck an old sock on a stick to make a torch. What I didn't realize was that this sock was not just cloth, and so it didn't merely light on fire - it melted, fell in the grass (i did mention it was dry right?) and so the fire spread.

I managed to get it under control, but it left a good 15 foot bald patch >.>

5) Nearly lit an old pine tree on fire. I had this 'genius' idea for a BBQ pit; except I didn't know the first thing about BBQing - I just (as you may have guessed by now) liked fire. A lot. So I dug a 3 foot hole under the tree, put a bunch of random crap on it; made a grill out of sticks, and dumped gas on it, then tossed a match in. <._.> Marsh-mellows were had.

6) Shot myself in the head with a BB rifle. I shot a tree, roughly ~15 feet in front of me, the rifle wasn't strong enough to lodge in the bark, and instead ricocheted straight back and hit me between the eyes - enlarging an old chicken-pox scar.

7) When I was ~ 5ish, I nearly broke my arm going down a slide in one of those Playschool cars. (You know the red ones with the yellow roofs? >.>) See, I had this brilliant notion that if I went down the slide (it was a wide slide, big enough for 3 people) fast enough, the car would take off at the end of the slide and I would be able to fly. (Physics - I did not has it.)

Well, I DID fly... right through the non-existent windshield of the car, and landed in the grass ten feet away, on top of my arm at a funny angle. Shockingly it was just sprained!

8) Needed five stitches in my finger and ruined a camp out because - while floating on a creek in a rowboat - thought it would be BRILLIANT to carve a bank pole* with my new pocket knife. Except you know, the whole MOVING BOAT thing - so inevitably the boat rocked, I slipped, an left a wonderful scar from my middle knuckle to my first knuckle on my middle finger.

Better still: my mom panicked, so instead of waiting for everyone to get organized, she took me downstream 2 miles using a napkin to stop the bleeding; then we walked another mile to a farmhouse to use the phone to get my grandparents to come get us >.> (Note that I don't entirely blame her for this, since the other people with us were exactly as useful as mud at that point.)

So yeah, campout called off.

9) Almost impaled one of my friends with an arrow. >.< I - being a genius, had just gotten a brand new compound bow for my birthday. First thing I do? Let the other kids start playing 'sword fight' (you know, with the sticks?) - and then started shooting arrows near them to 'make it feel more real'.

Surprisingly no one died. >.>

10) - Almost forgot this one: I was also in one of those programs like the OP - only I actually needed it. The problem was, I'd been raised to believe psychology was 'bunk'**; so I didn't take it seriously at all. I made up BS stories about obviously untrue things, wouldn't cooperate, and got kicked out.

It took ~14 years before I actually went and got help for my lifelong depression issues; and it took hell, highwater and a lot worse before I actually did it. Worst. Mistake. EVER. (Sadly, not as amusing as the others.)


I could probably keep going, but I'll leave off there >.> Suffice to say I was err... 'enthusiastic' about anything that sliced, diced, burned, exploded, or shot anything of note.

*I live in rural Central IL. It's... kind of redneck here. A bank pole is basically a wooden rod carved out of whatever is nearby that you then attach some fishing line to with a hook and bait. Then you jam it into the bank of the creek and essentially let the pole do the work for you; typically you put out several so you get a good chance of catching something.

**It's not. For all my above stupidity, this is probably the dumbest thing I ever did because I might have saved myself years of problems if I'd not done this.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
02-13-2011, 03:04 AM
when i was fairly young (aroung 4) i nearly cut my tongue, IN HALF, basically the part that holds it to the bottom of your mouth, is what held it together. TO this day, i still have the scars on it, 3 Large X"s
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
02-13-2011, 09:05 AM
On the second day of school when I was four a bigger kid stole my Batman toy, so I stole someone else's plastic dinosaur and hit him in the head with the horns 'till he gave it back. At the time I didn't understand why I got into trouble and he didn't.

I sat on a bee once

When I was seven I decided to play with an Alsation I'd never met before. It bit me on the rear

In secondary school I kept making fun of my anger management counseler until he got real mad and refused to have anymore sessions. (P.S. I'm cool now, I don't have anymore anger issue's, I don't think I ever did TBH)

Throughout my child and adult life I keep breaking my arm falling off things, bicycles, ladders, motorcycles, other people...

Edit: Added a couple of others, ty for the flashbacks >:/
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
02-13-2011, 09:21 AM
Originally Posted by USS Parallax
*Santa spoilers*
I believed everything my parents told me when I was a kid, I was very trusting and couldn't see why they'd ever lie to me. They told me Santa was real, I believed them. They told me to kill some wild rats in the yard because they were bad, I believed them. They told me I would enjoy my first day of school, .... etc.

*More santa spoilers*
Well, Santa was the worst. When I found out Santa wasn't real, I started questioning everything I learned. The first question I asked my parents was "Is God real? The story about Jesus sounds a *lot* like the story about Santa...." They just dismissed the question, but my faith was never as strong after that. I always think of Santa now whenever someone brings up religion and it's very awkward.

I also still regret killing the "evil rats"..... I thought at least our cats would eat them so some good would come of it, but they ignored them. Stupid cats.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
02-13-2011, 10:26 AM
before we get to the amusing injuries, I once burned Jello. (long story short I turned on the wrong burner, so the jello crystals got cooked rather than the kettle)

One time when I was younger my brother was going to make supper, so I turned on a burner for him. I was really mad when he turned it off and used another one. I yelled "you're supposed to use this one" while slapping the burner...luckily I wasn't badly burned.

I was cutting a cardboard box with a swiss army knife, however I failed to follow common sense or knife safety rules, and was cutting towards myself. when the cardboard finally gave way, the knife slashed into the vein between my thumb and index finger.

when I was in grade 3 I went biking around the block when I was grounded because my teacher said to take homework breaks and suggested a bike ride. I was pedalling as fast as I could with my head down. I remembered that there was a truck parked up the block, so I looked up to see how far it was, just in time to smash face first into it...I left a the metal.

My brother, my friend and I used to jump off my friend's garage roof into her neihbour's garden. We did this for an hour until her neihbour came out and told us to stop. (I was about 7 at the time) Luckily nobody got hurt.

When I was 8 I discovered the emergency shut off button on the vaccume cleaner, while home alone vaccuming. I started playing with it, and had my hand in the vaccume cleaner when my finger slipped off the emergency shut off. The vaccume brush, pretty much brushed all the skin off the back of my hand, I still have a scar.

In high school I got an awesome new bike. The breaks worked really well. I wanted to check to see how well. So I pedalled full speed, downhill towards a red light. About a foot away I slammed on the breaks. This is how I discovered physics. I was suprisingly uninjured after flipping over the handlebars, and bringing my entire bike with me (it landed on the road in front of me)

In college I spent my student loan playing Crazy Taxi >_>

Does last year count as still a kid....because not taking my anti-rejection drugs was probably the stupidest thing I ever did...
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
02-13-2011, 11:32 AM
Yeah I believe that the whole Santa lie is actually harmful to kids when they grow up. It promotes stupidity and lies and offers an untrue way to look at the world. A lot of people think kids should believe in magic and Santa and stuff like that as if it offers an experience that is similarly magical. However the effect it has can be quiet destructive and promotes ignorance.

If I have kids I'm going to be truthful with that.

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