Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 121
05-27-2011, 06:59 PM
Welcome back, filbones.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 122
05-27-2011, 07:59 PM
Cheers, it's good to be back, looks like you have been busy.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 123
05-27-2011, 10:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ddommus View Post
If you get a chance, I would like it if you play my mission.

TITLE : "The Winter of Our Discontent"
AUTHOR : ddommus
CODE : ST -HLGAG8JBD
LEVEL : 31+
LOCATION : Rhi System of Alpha Centuri
LENGTH : 35 - 45 minutes
TAGS : FED
DESCRIPTION : A Federation world is the scene of a bloody revolt. A group of separatists will not rest until their world is free from its Federation obligations. Can you and your crew find the targets of their political upheaval or will democracy fall on the planet Renorilliax?

Something that I feel Stark Trek does really well is mirroring current events, and that what this mission tries to do. It stands as a comment on the political upheaval happening in the world today. I find inspiration for my missions...which this is the first, in specific Star Trek shows. This missions plays out for my as DS9 inspired. The name of the planet is a nod to the overly long planet names in Dr. Who.


Thanks!

The Winter of Our Discontent


RATINGS OUT OF 5 - 28/5/11
  • Gameplay 4
  • Trek 4
  • Design 3
  • Difficulty 2
  • Grind 1
THOUGHTS : This mission knocked my socks of. A great diplomatic type mission to join the ranks of Conjoined. This mission is an adventure. Vibrantly designed, well written and great characters. If there is anything wrong with it, it ends. *****/Stars.


Comment:
Absolutely loved it. A great diplomatic mission filled with adventure. |Gameplay 4|Trek 4|Design 3|Difficulty 2|Grind 1| ***** STARS

Critical Analysis

Description – I like the little notes towards Dialog heavy etc... If it can fit it is always nice to put in the mission location in green as well.

Mission Accept Box – Green text amongst the Dialog is ugly. Use the Mission prompt text wisely and separate from the Dialog text. The optional extra bit, should be optional. Use Adv Dialog.

First Thoughts – On the way to the mission I'm excited by the fact that this mission may tickle my Trek bone. Sounds like something a Starfleet vessel would be called to assist in.

1st Door – Helm slow to impulse is not a great door interact text for foundry. Your mission might not be the only one in the players mission list. Using [Mission : Title] or [Enter Renorilliax] is preferable. Pluss the pop up needs more story dialog driven content.

Maps:

Renorilliax Space – Wow great first map. Scan location needed for first interaction in your mission. Preferably a Blinking satellite pod.
Red Mist Tavern – Yah eye candy. The dabo table looks a little out of place and you could probably get away with an atmospheric effect in here too. Red mist .
Renorilliax Ground – The first conflict should be optional. It doesn't advance the story line so it shouldn't be mandatory. Let me decide whether to engage them or sneak around them.
Library – Door looks out of place. Klingon or Romulun would be preferred. Or other suggestions towards federation design need to be implemented.
Renorilliax Ground 2 – Scan location please. No v no Vvvvvvv.
Tunnels – This feels like a federation vessel, rather than tunnels.
Renorilliax Ground 3 – Loved it.

Objectives:
Scan the beam in location - People will immediately press v. Great way to use the players interface/keyboard for doing interactive story elements.
Find the Library – I shouldn't have to open up my map to find the objective. Once again enemies should be optional.
Enter library Basement – Doesn't feel like I'm entering a basement. Enter library should suffice.
Access tunnels – Doesn't feel like a tunnels. Needs more fighting going on. Friendly NPC's would be nice.

Story:
1.I'd put the mission Briefing in the 1st popup dialog box and optional extra content in the mission 1st door map transition box.
2.Dialog is great, however I don't feel a part of the story. Break it up in the Adv dialog design. 1st stream quick and to the point, 2nd optional humor or extra character driven and 3rd more details towards the story.
3.Questioning the prisoner could be a puzzle type popup to make it feel more like an interrogation.
4.Confront the rebel leaders – I have know idea what is going on. One minute something is happening than another and the out come is unsure as towards where the story is heading me or where the next map transition will take me. It feels like I have completed the mission, but I have another map? It's a shame because up until now it's been an amazing ride.

Design:
Transporter pad – Use a trigger to make the light effects appear once I'm on the pad.
Towurnow – If she is to be in the open, put here in the light.
You can also use Map transitions as interact with object. Most of your map Transition dialog feels forced text. This might help.


Note To Author:

I have designed you a banner and plan to advertise this mission at StarbaseUGC. Please let me know if this goes against your wishes. The Winter of Our Discontent BANNER.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 124
05-27-2011, 11:09 PM
JUNE/JULY MISSION REVIEWS

Page 1 2

“Winaprise Ep 3: Arrival” By OptimusLGhttp://forums.startrekonline.com/sho...&postcount=145
Quote:
TITLE : Winaprise Ep 3: Arrival
AUTHOR : OptimusLG
CODE : ST-HHB7FWK7C
LEVEL : Any
LOCATION : Earth Spacedock
LENGTH : 15-30 mins
TAGS : FED, DIP, GND, PZL
DESCRIPTION : Admiral Smith's Starship Reclamation Initiative is in danger of being shut down if he can't find a crew to man the test ship. Just as he's about to call it quits, new information about Utopia Planitia's mysterious visitors could give Admiral Smith just what he needs to continue his pet project.

RATINGS OUT OF 5
Gameplay 2.5
Trek 2
Design 2.5
Difficulty 1
Grind 3
THOUGHTS : Well to a series well started, it now ends with my interest and a ridiculous story as well as plot holes. Author needs a lesson in story telling. His ability to keep his mission interesting is very well executed, but falls short by not giving the player an explanation within script towards his story elements. ***/Stars.
“"Give Peace a Chance"” By Futurecaptain http://forums.startrekonline.com/sho...&postcount=146
Quote:
Title: "Give Peace a Chance"
ID: ST-HEKVFM75X
Author: Futurecaptain
Allegience: Starfleet
Level: 41+
Location: Deep Space K-7 from sector space.
Duration: 20-30 mins
Description: The Gorn have long maintained that much of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants belong to them. While this ideaology has persisted there are some Gorn who wish to see a change. We have planned a peace conference with just such a Gorn to see what we need to accomplish to achieve peace. We have a rare opportunity here, we must take full advantage.

RATINGS OUT OF 5
Gameplay 3
Trek 2
Design 2.5
Difficulty 2
Grind 3
THOUGHTS : This mission is yet another take or rescue the diplomat. Unfortunately due to the Authors intention to do a series, this mission does not stand on it's own, nor influence me to play the sequel. It offers some fun combat and an enjoyable capture the bridge sequence, but other than that it is a grind and finds me wishing this competent author would start with something simple. ***/Stars.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 125
05-28-2011, 01:16 AM
Hi mate,
Would really appreciate your feedback on a mission!

TITLE : Alpha Shock
AUTHOR : P90James
CODE : ST-HRT4YPETV
LEVEL : 43+ (for access to Borg sector)
LOCATION : Sibiran System, Gamma Orionis
LENGTH : Approx 30 mins
TAGS : Fed

There is a previous mission in the chain, Taskforce Alpha also starting in the same location. If you want to run it also it's quite short, 15-20 mins tops.

Thanks!!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 126
05-28-2011, 06:32 AM
Thanks so much for the review. I plan on incorporating your feedback in my next rewrite. As for the banner...thanks so much, feel free to post it. Thanks again.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 127
05-28-2011, 08:12 AM
Hey Filbones, I changed my original mission reveiw request to reflect my newer and much better mission. See post #82 for details.

Thanks.

Commodore_Stipe
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 128
05-28-2011, 08:25 AM
Hi filbones - I saw that you reviewed my mission, "Preservation", in--game, and just wanted to pop in here to say thank you for it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 129
05-28-2011, 08:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zadama View Post
Hi filbones - I saw that you reviewed my mission, "Preservation", in--game, and just wanted to pop in here to say thank you for it.
No problem. It is an amazing mission. I have added it to The Away Team Report now on the main page at StarbaseUGC.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 130
05-28-2011, 12:06 PM
Thank you for your input on our Watcher War series, I was glad you liked part two, it was certainly my favorite to make so far. Our next episode will be Dal'Rok, a bit of nostalgia for you DS9 fans out there.
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