Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 21
03-30-2011, 12:45 PM
Trembler 2 is now live. Level 31+ Starfleet. However, put it at the bottom of your to do list. I'm waiting on some reviews to see if BOffs are getting stuck on the second ground map (ironically, the one mostly Cryptic-designed).
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 22
03-30-2011, 02:07 PM
Thanks for the review, Peregrine. Through reading the review, I thought you were going to be harsher on the mission than you already had.

I'm not sure what made you think that the characters aboard the transwarp conduit were all delusional. Certain characters did have ulterior motives: Daniel, for instance, is a pacifist that has taken his cause to an extreme, while Amia ... somewhat subtlety ... is experiencing a little bit of Florence Nightengale syndrome and has fallen for her Gorn patient (who by no means returns the favor). The other characters are either being humorous or are conflicted in their feelings. Brell, for instance, is the classic example of one of the engineers who's having trouble choosing between Daniel or Helna. Who's right? Who's wrong? I wanted the player to be weighing this in their head just as much as Brell was.

Unfortunately, Brell sides with the wrong one, but redeems himself in the end.

Also, there's Orion and Gorn on the Klingon ship because those guys are soilders in the KDF, after all.

Beyond that, I've taken some of your advice and tweaked the mission. It now tells you to go to Risa in the mission box, for instance.
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# 23
03-30-2011, 02:08 PM
STARFLEET

Songs of the Deep Azure Sky
ST-HM792ESM2
by Shingi

""Return to the SS Azure for an all new adventure!""

Final Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis:
Starfleet relays a request by DJ Zuza in Club 47 to speak with you. Once you get to Club 47 he explains that an item of sentimental value was on the Azure and requests that you help him find it. Instead of asking what it is you simply agree to help him and he beams up to the ship.

You fly to an Andorian monitoring station in order to get their help finding the Azure. Along with the Azure you find a ship that belongs to the Cardassian Mining Guild. They invoke salvage rights and demand that you leave the area at once.

After informing the CMG ship that they do not have salvage rights in Federation space they reveal their true colors as a number of True Way ships decloak and attack. You destroy them, beam aboard the SS Azure, quickly retrieve 'the item', and beam back to your ship. So far so good.

Then you have to navigate through the debris field before you can go to warp and naturally you're ambushed on the way out.

Right before you're able to make your escape an entire True Way battle group warps in, followed seconds later by Starfleet's 151st Tactical Wing. Though it's never clear who called them.

Once the enemy is destroyed you're contacted by the 151st's CO, Captain Bryan. She wants to know what you did to cause the True Way to send that many ships after you. Only then does it occur to you to ask the DJ what it was you just retrieved from the SS Azure.

And that's when you find out that you just helped DJ Zuza steal a priceless Cardassian art treasure. You and Captain Bryan laugh it off and then warp out of the system.

Problems with the mission: In addition to helping a DJ start an international incident by stealing a priceless art treasure, the entire mission requires my character to catch The Idiot Ball and then cart that sucker around all the way til the end.

Even worse is the fact that if the Cardassian captain had just told me what 'the item' was I probably would have been required by Starfleet regulations to give it to him. So I wasn't the only one carrying the Idiot Ball.

Instead his continuous referral to it as 'the item' made it obvious that the author was trying to conceal the McGuffin's true nature until the end of the mission.

Capitalization of the first word in a sentence is not optional and random words in the text should not be capitalized. Punctuation in the pop-up response bars isn't mandatory, but it needs to be consistent.

Once again I'm not told where to go after accepting the mission. What happens if I get distracted? What if I have to go AFK because my kids light something on fire? Or what if I just have to log off? When I come back to the mission I will have no idea where to go, so I'll have no choice but to drop the mission.

There were far too many dialog windows. It really isn't necessary to make me click "Ok.", "Uh huh." and "Yeah, ok." after every single sentence. Consolidate some of that text and then let me make 1 or two choices and/or clicks.

DJ Zuza should have said something like; "I'll beam up to the ship once my shift's over." Having him saying he'd beam right up and then not beaming up made no sense.

Going to Andoria to find the SS Azure also made no sense. As I approached the system I could see the Azure, why do I need to go to Andoria to find it again?

The author did a good job with the effects inside the Azure, but beaming over to it made no sense either. Why am I going to beam over to the Azure when the Cardassian True Way ship that started this whole mess is sitting there within weapons range? Any officer suicidal enough to try that should be immediately relieved of his command.

The Cardassian ship should not have been named "Alien Cruiser." I think we've all blown up enough Cardassian ships to recognize them on sight.

I was told to get clear of the debris field and then I'd be able to warp out. Instead I had to roam around and park my ship in this tiny portion of space in order to get the mission to advance.

And finally, the 151st Tactical Wing can't be commanded by a captain. It has to be commanded by a commodore or rear admiral.

Final Thoughts: In-game I gave this mission 2 stars. After reviewing the screenshots and my notes, I realized that was a serious mistake on my part, but the game won't let me change that now.

While you can see there's a good story buried in there somewhere, the problems with this mission are legion. A complete rewrite, with particular attention to the correct use of capitalization, that removes the "surprise twist ending" that wasn't would go a long way toward improving this mission.
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Posts: 120
# 24
03-30-2011, 02:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Havraha View Post
I'm not sure what made you think that the characters aboard the transwarp conduit were all delusional.
The human and the trill that you meet at the control panels say weird, nonsensical stuff. Then later I met a Caitain who was staring at a button on a wall and talking to himself about pressing it. After that I ran into two people standing in a corner of a room. One of them was dancing around wildly while another person was chiding her for not having been more careful with the superglue.

These strange actions, coupled with their non-responsiveness when I attempted to speak with them, convinced me that they were delusional or at least hallucinating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havraha View Post
Certain characters did have ulterior motives:
I noticed that. These were the "minor side plotlines" that I was referring to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havraha View Post
Also, there's Orion and Gorn on the Klingon ship because those guys are soilders in the KDF, after all.
Yeah, but they weren't dressed as KDF soldiers, they were dressed as Orion civilians.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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# 25
03-30-2011, 02:25 PM
Hey, Peregrine. If you have the time I'd appreciate your feedback on Chronotons and Klingons - ST-HQFXXK5EY. Lvl 31+. On Holodeck. Thanks
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
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# 26
03-30-2011, 02:40 PM
Thank you for the review

In regards to having to travel to Andoria, I found myself with technical problems, mainly the fact that the SS Azure doesnt have a "door" in sirus sector space. Earlier versions had you beaming out of ESD and appearing directly in your ship in the remade "Asure space" map. I followed a suggestion from Kirkfat and picked a "door" near the actual location to travel to rather than just beaming out.

It also hadnt occured to me that the "item" could be seen as culturally important to the True Way. My intent was to try and have the DJ shown as trying to preserve it from being destroyed. However, I do agree that I appear to have failed to convey that well.

I'll take to heart the commentary on excessive dialogue boxes, and look at ways of conveying what I wanted to be said in them in shorter terms and less boxes while still trying not to hit people with a wall of text, which I find most people tend to skip over too much.

I'm also glad that the concept behind it did get across, and was aware of the potential for shortcomings in my ability to get it across well and with ease. I'll be taking the mission apart and trying to re-work it to avoid the pitfalls it currently has and to improve my own sloppy approach to punctuation and capitalisation (Damn if my English teacher wasnt right all those years ago XD)

again, thank you for taking the time to both play and review my first attempt at mission making, and thank you again for the advice and honesty.
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Posts: 120
# 27
03-30-2011, 02:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post
The human and the trill that you meet at the control panels say weird, nonsensical stuff. Then later I met a Caitain who was staring at a button on a wall and talking to himself about pressing it. After that I ran into two people standing in a corner of a room. One of them was dancing around wildly while another person was chiding her for not having been more careful with the superglue.

These strange actions, coupled with their non-responsiveness when I attempted to speak with them, convinced me that they were delusional or at least hallucinating.


I noticed that. These were the "minor side plotlines" that I was referring to.


Yeah, but they weren't dressed as KDF soldiers, they were dressed as Orion civilians.
The Human and Trill are referring to their confusion about why you beamed down and got yourself trapped their. Brell explains how Helna promised everyone you wouldn't, that you were smart enough not to get trapped, but you did anyway. That's why they're mocking you for not being very smart.

The Caitian is strange. He's called "the strange Caitian" for a reason. But the other two engineers were working in the corner, and one glued his foot to the ground. The "strange dance" you referred to was the "foot is stuck" animation. It all made perfect sense: these people are going about their lives on the transwarp conduit so far, to somewhat humorous effect.

And I don't follow you about not being dressed as KDF soilders. PLENTY of Orions working in the KDF wear typical Orion clothing. if you think the Orions that have been attacking you throughout the game are "civilians", something ain't right!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 28
03-30-2011, 05:43 PM
STARFLEET Level 31+

Saving The 4th Fleet - Babel ep1
ST-HCX9L98WS
by Bladeriel

"The staging area for the 4th Fleet is under attack by the Borg. You need to save the fleet, near Wolf 359 and deal with some uninvited guests as well!"

Final Rating: 4 Stars

Synopsis:
You receive priority orders to head to system 4561 Alpha and link up with 4th Fleet, which is about to strike a Borg incursion fleet. As you approach you, sensors show the fleet engaged with the Borg and in disarray.

You warp into the system and directly into a large battle. It ends with most of the Borg as floating debris and much of 4th Fleet heavily damaged. The Admiral gives you a quick status report and then orders you to scan a couple of Borg derelicts and then to help the USS Helios.

The first puzzle has you routing power to various systems in a frantic attempt to save the Helios' warp core from exploding. After saving the Helios you detect life signs on a Borg cube and move to investigate.

You beam down right into a fight between the Borg and a squad of Klingons. After you mop up you start scanning everything, trying to find out what's going on. It appears that the Klingons have removed a piece of Borg technology and you detect a faint Starfleet combadge signal.

The second puzzle has you working out the correct sequence to hack into a Borg control node so that you can lower force field that's between you and the hostages.

Afterward you find a high-ranking Klingon officer who's been assimilated. With this comes the warning that the Borg must have gathered some valuable information. (I think episode 2 has just been foreshadowed.) Moving on, you disable a few more Borg devices, including some Borg drones and their warp core, then you rescue a pair of Starfleet's finest.

Once back aboard your ship the Admiral orders you to investigate a nearby ion cloud, on the theory that the Klingon ship is probably hiding in it. He's wrong though, there's actually two Klingon ships hiding in the small patch of charged particles. After destroying those two sensors pick up a faint trace of a third Klingon ship. You launch a probe to investigate further and the mission ends with the Admiral promising to keep the Borg at bay, which sets things up quite nicely for episode 2.

Problems with the mission: Once again it was not completely clear where I had to go. When I first hailed Starfleet I was told to, "Head to System 4561 Alpha near Wolf 359 in the Sirius Sector Block." That was great! But once I accepted the mission the mission text said, "Save the 4th Fleet near Wolf 359." In this case I actually did have to go AFK for a few minutes. Guess what happened? I got back and didn't know where to go. Near Wolf 359 just wasn't that helpful. I checked my screenshots and I saw that I was supposed to head to system 4561 Alpha. Ok, great! Oh, wait! There is no 4561 Alpha!

I finally just decided to go to Wolf 359, fortunately that worked.

The puzzles, while well done, were a bit confusing at times.

The mission had a lot of pop-ups, especially from the Caitain Admiral. Here I am sneaking around a Borg ship and I can't get him to shut up!

Final Thoughts: I really liked the puzzles, but a lot of people don't. I'd recommend informing the player about them before they accept the mission so that they don't down-rate the mission because of it.

There were a couple of misspellings and a few jarringly incorrect word choices. When he requested I review the mission the author mentioned that he's not a native English speaker, so considering the sheer amount of text involved, and the complexity of much of the technobabble, I was impressed. I only wish that much German was as good as the author's English is.

With a bit of work this could easily be a 5 star mission.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 29
03-30-2011, 11:03 PM
Review Request:
Name: Frontier Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HHCH7436S
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+

Description: Starfleet has intercepted a transmission of unknown origin in the Beytan System. The signal is very weak and Starfleet would like you to investigate further.

Thanks in advance!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 30
03-30-2011, 11:56 PM
Review Request (Mission now on Holodeck):
------------------------------------------------------
Mission Name: "A Relic's Return"

Project ID: ST-HRGENW9BK

Faction: Starfleet

Minimum Level: Any

Description: Kintara Prime, a newly discovered UFP applicant world that mines and supplies dilithium for the Federation war effort, has requested diplomatic assistance. The Orion Syndicate have taken a 150 year old relic of great cultural signifigance, and the Kintarans want it returned.

Has zero plays on Holodeck as of this request, so it's still under the 'Review Content' most likely. (20 people had played the Tribble version, and it got decent ratings there.) I'm honestly curious what you think because you're fairly thrurough in yyour reviews to date. I did a playthrough after Publishing, so I am certain it's up and working. - Thanks.
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