Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 21
04-05-2011, 06:37 AM
Elksium and Outlaw - will add you to the list. Might be tomorrow for you two since I already have two up for tonight. If they are short I'll try to get yours in, too.

Exporting out some key story elements and storyboarding would be an excellent idea. A lot of people would catch the little nit-picky errors themselves if they were able to see their story in a different context.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 22
04-05-2011, 08:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by boglejam View Post
Bob,

Good stuff. Liked a lot of it. Here is the list of the stuff I didn't like:

1.) I have a pretty diverse bridge crew. Sadly, Tonto, Tarzan, nor Frankenstein were available, though. Twice you had my BO's speaking Tonto-ese

"Ready to enter Kinjun System?" can I get a "the" in there? Unless you meant it to not have a question mark - in which case the BO is just reporting status. Still could use a "the".

BO popup at first forcefield "There should be console close by". Can I get an "a" in there? Go large. Buy a vowel.

2.) Log summary by BO - "over throw" should be overthrow.

3.) One of the BO's said my "hacking skills may need to be required". Eh? Just say may be required. the need to isn't needed.

4.) One of the questions to the prophets was "When did the Obsidion Order Reform?" Are there Orthodox Obsidion Order members and Reformed Obsidion Order members? Don't think you need the capital R in reform. If they are a religious sect it would probably need to be "Obsidion Order, Reformed."

5.) BO asks in ref to the prophets statement "What did they mean." Use a question mark, not a period.

Other than that it was good, clean fun. Hope the nit-picking helps.
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 23
04-05-2011, 09:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philoso_Raptor
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
He gave me three stars, though.... For a few typos, I consider that a pretty rough score.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 24
04-05-2011, 10:44 AM
You make me want to finish my mission faster and have you review it. Were all hypercritical jerks. It's the creative purpose. Besides, all criticism is good criticism and better than none. It's how the Author responds to it that makes him or her a good Author. Keep up the good work. A couple more of these threads and I will consider putting togeathur some sort of board so we don't have to all be playing the same missions at the same stage of development.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 25 The Trimble Conspiracy
04-05-2011, 11:08 AM
You are ordered to the Trimble system to patrol the area. Starfleet has a top secret science facility there that is developiong a new warp core that will make transwarp conduits obsolete. soon you realize someone may have opened the door for Klingons to attack the the facility unhindered.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
I need reviews. Got 3 reviews so far with 1 comment. Tell me what you think about the story, combat and dialogue.

Note: there is some kind of foundry glitch in the third map wait 33 seconds for the server to respond.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 27
04-05-2011, 12:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philoso_Raptor
LOL really? This is your 'hypercritical jerk" review? Seemed pretty mild and normal to me. Looks like you have tried to be nice in response to some of the replies in this thread, which completely defeats the purpose of your original post. Oh well.
His mission was pretty good. Hard to be hypercritical of what was basically some misspellings and one or two grammar mistakes. Now, if he had some huge plot defect or some crazy bizarre storyline, that would be a totally different issue.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 28
04-05-2011, 12:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SolidNuetronium
I need reviews. Got 3 reviews so far with 1 comment. Tell me what you think about the story, combat and dialogue.

Note: there is some kind of foundry glitch in the third map wait 33 seconds for the server to respond.
Added to the queue. I never take off points for issues that are beyond the authors control.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 29
04-05-2011, 01:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by boglejam View Post
Tears are the fuel that keeps my criticism engine running, afterall.
The phail is strong with this one.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 30
04-05-2011, 03:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heezdedjim
The phail is strong with this one.
haha. /10char
Reply

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