Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 311
06-01-2011, 08:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Hey Boglejam, still taking mission review requests? I like that your reviews are so specific. I'm mostly interested in getting things picked out that could be better executed or done differently so that the overall feel of the mission is improved.

Mission: Two Cloaks, One Dagger
Starfleet, I believe it's level 41+
Congrats, a 4 star mission. Very few nitpicks. Very clean text. I liked the story and thought it was well thought out. Here are the very minor nitpicks:

Two Cloaks, One Dagger / 4 stars

Mission granting text: Perfect. Destination even listed in mission tracker.

OK, you gave a story reason for the camera shake, but man does it get annoying after a few minutes.

Would be nice if the Orion mobs on the ship moved around a bit. Seems like they are just waiting to be killed.

Admiral popup regarding Imaga II: "has a trade a greement" agreement is one word.

Nice touch with the blink patterns and artificial background.

A very very clean and well constructed mission. Nice job.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 312
06-01-2011, 09:40 AM
Awesome Bogle, thanks for the review. I'm glad you could nitpick out a few things!

Regarding camera shake.... it's funny, I tried to make it seem like there is simply some turbulence and that sort of thing, but whenever I play the mission it seems like it's barely perceptible, so I'm always like, "MOAR CAMERA SHAKE!" but maybe it's not necessary.

I'll take a look at those other issues and perhaps make a couple tweaks.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 313
06-02-2011, 06:12 PM
Descent Into Madness / FutureCaptain
Plato's Requiem / Raptorwalker
Franklin Drake Must Die / syberghost
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
The Hunt For Peace / Pinecone3
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 314
06-02-2011, 08:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FutureCaptain
Hi Boglejam!

Please add "Descent into Madness" to your list!

Thanks a lot for the detailed reviews!
3 stars. Very close to that 4th star. I think I mentioned in one of your earlier missions (if not yours, sorry - somebody's) that I don't think it is very immersive to enter a system and not have a dialog popup that sets the scene. When I entered Cestus, all I had was a destintion to go to on the map and a goal in the tracker. I hate that. Its supposed to be a story, not a console shooter, right?

anyway, here are the nitpicks:

Descent Into Madness / 3 stars

Mission Granting text: Fine. Mission tracker could say what sector block just in case
someone forgets.

Also, not that it is a huge issue or anything, but since any system can be used as a
mission door, why do authors make us travel so far to start missions? Some take the
approach of making their mission doors close to ESD, and explain it away with transwarp
and such. Others make you go to Defara, or Gamma Orionis. Again, not a flaw and not something
I grade down on - I just hate the dead travel time. Since I play a lot of foundry missions, I get sent to
Pi Canis just to have to go all the way back to Defara. Would really suck for players who
don't have slipstream.

Enter Cestus: Need a BO popup to put me in the story. Otherwise I'm just looking at the
mission tracker and a circle on a map. The sci officer saying he has found the ship and
suggesting we approach it makes it more of a story and less of a check-the-box mission
like some console shooter.

And an explanation for why as soon as I get close to the ship the nebula interference
effect kicks in would be nice. Something comforting from the Sci guy again reassuring me
that beaming isn't going to kill me dispite the fact that sensors aren't working maybe?

I'm not beaming to a transporter room - so why don't I just beam into the conference room instead
of the other side of the deck? Its a different form of dead travel time.

Post briefing BO popup: layed in for Cestus III should be laid in.

Guard towers are cool, but I can't get my drops. Daddy wants his drops.

Modify tricorder and Activate tricorder are a bit hard to trigger. Might be better to maybe have
some consoles to interact with? Lift a keycard off the injured gorn instead?

"Its too quiet." nice.

sublevel two is a very good map. Very creepy in its Borgness.

The "Base" began to move as I was destroying it. I know its a ship parked on the planet to simulate
the base, but can you make it sationary?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 315
06-03-2011, 09:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by raptorwalker View Post
Boglejam, I've got 2 follow ups to Plato's Grandchildren:

Plato's Requiem
Plato's Abrogation
I reviewed Plato's Requiem

3 stars. Good mission. Little on the short side. Not much in the way of mistakes at all. Just didn't suck me in all that much. This is pretty much par for the course for the part that leads to a finale thou. The story has been good and consistant, which is sometimes lost over multipart stories. Looking forward to the next one if you want it reviewed.

Nitpicks:

Plato's Requiem / 3 stars

Grant Mission text: Fine. You never say in what system block the Watran system is in
thou. (Regulus Sector block, Celes sector)

I like the domes on the asteroid. Looks very cool.

Doctor P'klon: finely? Think maybe you meant finally?

I have a captains lounge? OK. Thing is, I fly a Defiant. So it doesn't make sense in my toons world to have a captains lounge. And honestly, there wasn't a story reason for a map transition there. The final part there could have been handled via communications without creating a room on my ship.

Or maybe make the meeting with Whyn take place back in the rehab center and include one of the doctors or the administrator? The third character can add some other reason to the list of why we need to proceed to part III.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 316
06-03-2011, 01:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by syberghost View Post
"Franklin Drake Must Die" has had its final major tweaks until Foundry tech provides new options, and is ready for review please.
3 stars. I liked the story. I liked your use of the tools. I didn't like how chattie my captain was. I didn't like the banter with Drake. Didn't like how my captain interacted with the crew. This is one of those things that is tricky with UGC because authors feel the need to provide dialog for the player toon. I prefer the author to make my toon say just enough to advance the story, without giving my toon any personality. Players have an idea of how their toons talk/behave, and when authors give the player toon too much dialog, you replace the player toons personality with the personality you provide. I know authors don't like to have dialog that ends with "continue", but sometimes (especially with player toon dialog) less is more.

Other than that, just a couple of nitpicks.

Franklin Drake Must Die / 3 stars

Mission Granting text: Fine. Destination fully listed in the tracker.

Admiral chat: 23rd Century doesn't need to be capitalized. Courts martial doesn't need
to be plural. Court martial is fine. Courts martial is the plural form, meaning several
military courts.

"And tell that no-account doctor of yours that he still...." I don't like things like
this in missions. Who is to say my doctor is a he? You can argue that maybe there is
more than one doctor on my crew and you are referring to one of the others, but for a
player, their immersion is based solely on their toon and their BOs, not some faceless
person that you want me to accept as some unseen member of my crew. It doesn't pull me
any more into your story (unless I happen to have a Doctor character that is a he).

Another gripe - and not one I count off for, but I just like to gripe about it - is what
is with all of the dead travel time foundry authors like to subject everyone to? I was
in Regulus when I took your mission, so I had to go to Alpha Centuri. Now you are
sending me to Pi Canis. Since any system can serve as a door to your story, why do I
have to spend 10 minutes going one way and then have to backtrack over the same ground I
just covered and then go even further to Pi Canis?

In your specific case, why couldn't Drake have gone thru his rift in one of the systems
in Alpha Centuri and exited the rift in klingon territory? Then I wouldn't have to cover
two sector blocks, I could go thru the door in the same sector block I picked up the
mission in and then you can map transition me to the klingon area you want me to end up
in. Its a magic time rift anyway, right? Lets make it a magical space/time rift, too.

Bridge BO popup: "...addressed to your eyes only." addressed to only my eyes? My eyes
have a separate address? Maybe it would sound better as "addressed to you, marked as
your eyes only."

Awww crap. You didn't make me do all of that travel I was whining about? Disregard my
earlier rant. Haha.

Entering the Korvat system: I'd like there to be a popup. I don't like just a mission
goal in the tracker and a marker on the map. This is a story, not a console shooter.
Just a cheesie BO popup saying "we're here. Sensors say the rift is over there. We
should go check it out...". Think like its a TV episode. We are coming out of
commercial and we would either be getting the captains log voice-over setting the scene
or someone would report to set the scene, right?

The klingon "squadron" by the rift was just one ship. Is that really a squadron?

Fight with Klingon Boss in base is a little crazy. Three klingons totally worked my
group over.

Approach the rift again could use some setup
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Old Past, New Future / antman9173
Alpha Shock / P90James
The Hunt For Peace / Pinecone3
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 318
06-03-2011, 01:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by boglejam View Post
3 stars. Very close to that 4th star. I think I mentioned in one of your earlier missions (if not yours, sorry - somebody's) that I don't think it is very immersive to enter a system and not have a dialog popup that sets the scene. When I entered Cestus, all I had was a destintion to go to on the map and a goal in the tracker. I hate that. Its supposed to be a story, not a console shooter, right?

anyway, here are the nitpicks:

Descent Into Madness / 3 stars

Mission Granting text: Fine. Mission tracker could say what sector block just in case
someone forgets.

Also, not that it is a huge issue or anything, but since any system can be used as a
mission door, why do authors make us travel so far to start missions? Some take the
approach of making their mission doors close to ESD, and explain it away with transwarp
and such. Others make you go to Defara, or Gamma Orionis. Again, not a flaw and not something
I grade down on - I just hate the dead travel time. Since I play a lot of foundry missions, I get sent to
Pi Canis just to have to go all the way back to Defara. Would really suck for players who
don't have slipstream.

Enter Cestus: Need a BO popup to put me in the story. Otherwise I'm just looking at the
mission tracker and a circle on a map. The sci officer saying he has found the ship and
suggesting we approach it makes it more of a story and less of a check-the-box mission
like some console shooter.

And an explanation for why as soon as I get close to the ship the nebula interference
effect kicks in would be nice. Something comforting from the Sci guy again reassuring me
that beaming isn't going to kill me dispite the fact that sensors aren't working maybe?

I'm not beaming to a transporter room - so why don't I just beam into the conference room instead
of the other side of the deck? Its a different form of dead travel time.

Post briefing BO popup: layed in for Cestus III should be laid in.

Guard towers are cool, but I can't get my drops. Daddy wants his drops.

Modify tricorder and Activate tricorder are a bit hard to trigger. Might be better to maybe have
some consoles to interact with? Lift a keycard off the injured gorn instead?

"Its too quiet." nice.

sublevel two is a very good map. Very creepy in its Borgness.

The "Base" began to move as I was destroying it. I know its a ship parked on the planet to simulate
the base, but can you make it sationary?
Thanks for the review! Yea the base was a concern because it's a battleship I surrounded with a bunch of walls to keep it from leaving the atmosphere. Keeping that thing still at all was not easy and it sounds like I'll have to work on it some more.

Every mission makes you travel through sector space. Even to different systems. If I want a foundry mission to be on par with Dev quality I wouldn't use a shortcut to start the mission. Just my opinion there, but I understand what you are saying.

The nebula effect kicks in late because I wanted it there, but I didn't want the player to have to go through a large distance of it to get to the ship.

Consoles at the compund entrance I wanted to avoid since I wanted there to be no obvious way past the forcefield. Thanks for the review and I'll think about how I can make it more immersive based on your feedback!

Thanks again!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 319
06-03-2011, 05:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by boglejam View Post
Awww crap. You didn't make me do all of that travel I was whining about? Disregard my earlier rant. Haha.


Quote:
The klingon "squadron" by the rift was just one ship. Is that really a squadron?
I can't control how many of the ships the game chooses to spawn in that; it's supposed to scale to several ships. Not sure why it doesn't.

I'll keep your notes handy next time I'm updating it, thanks!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 320
06-03-2011, 09:49 PM
Final episode in the series:

Plato's Abrogation
Reply

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