Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 31
05-13-2011, 06:42 AM
STARFLEET Level 31+

Bad Blood
ST-HCAYTIUVT
by PsychoFish64

"You are called to a diplomatic conference with a new race that might be on its way to become the next member of the Federation. But when something unexpected happens your dress uniform might get a bit dirty."

Final Rating: 3 Stars

Synopsis:
You arrive in the Ponor system and rendezvous with the USS Hadley, where the negotiations are about to take place. You're advised to don your dress uniform and you beam over.

The Hadley's chief of security briefs you, and asks you to leave your officers outside, before you enter the conference room. The first speech is about to start when an explosion rocks the Hadley. Captain Derulo heads to the bridge and you head to engineering to see if you can help out. After helping the short-handed engineering team lock down the problems you find out that the explosion was sabotage, and a shuttlecraft just launched without clearance.

You beam back to your ship and head out in pursuit of the fleeing shuttlecraft, and are intercepted by several fighter squadrons. After dealing with them you tractor the shuttle, but the ambassador beams down to a small moon.

Upon beaming to his coordinates, you find yourself smack in the middle of a large group of enemies. You take care of them and sweep through the base terminating dozens more. You finally encounter the Ponorian Ambassador who confirms that he's a traitor. Another double-sized group of enemies beams down right around you. When the smoke clears you decide to inform the ponorians about the hidden rebel base on their moon.

Problems with the mission: So the ambassador planted a bomb in Main Engineering. See, incidents like this are exactly why you don't allow anyone except the ship's engineering crew into Main Engineering.

Then the Ambassador just hotwires a shuttlecraft and flies away! Who's in charge of security on this bucket?

There were way WAY too many enemies. He has a ton of soldiers that work for him, ok I get it. No I really don't need to fight 4 more groups of them.

And can we please stop beaming me directly into multiple closely packed groups of enemies? And stop beaming multiple closely packed groups of enemies directly around me? It's not fun. It's not a challenge. It's just annoying.

Final Thoughts: Best quote I've seen in a Foundry mission so far, ne of my officers says to me; "A warp core explosion would heavily damage the nearby Ponorian station." Yeah! Not to mention that it probably wouldn't be that great for my health either!

The story itself is good one. Addressing the problems, and adding a little more depth to the story, could definitely bring this up to 4 Star territory.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 32
05-13-2011, 07:56 AM
STARFLEET Level 35+

Ship Happens
ST-HM8MXHWPJ
by SupremeLegate

"During exploration of the unexplored regions many Captains have noticed that many of the recently discovered races are using the same ship designs. This has baffled many, until now. A ship has been found, abandoned, that may hold the answers to that very question"

Final Rating: 2 Stars

Synopsis:
You intercept the abandoned ship and beam aboard her to begin your investigation. It's quickly revealed that the ship was sold in the Drona system, so that's your next stop.

Upon entering the Drona system you're immediately attacked by unidentified hostiles. After dispatching all of them, your scans locate a hidden base, so of course you beam down. After cutting through wave after wave of his guards the orion boss beams out at the last second. You beam back and tell your helmsman to "Follow that ship!"

He drops out of warp in another system where you quickly accertain the need to demolish 5 enemy squadrons. You then approach and board the base in this system. Again you have to cut through wave after wave of mercenaries. Right before the orion's demise, your engineer taps into the conversation with his boss.

You blow that base and head for the system where the orion's boss is. Once there you beam directly in the office of UGC Contact, who monologues briefly before two groups of her guards beam down right on top of your away team. You finish them off and then place UGC Contact under arrest.

Problems with the mission: Wait! Why am I trying to stop this again? Buying and selling starships is not against Federation law! What next? I'm sent to Risa to arrest all of the used car dealers?

I scanned the derelict ship and my science officer tells me, "According to this dozens of races have purchased ships from this base." Really? According to what?

Lots of misspellings.

Beaming two groups of enemies directly on top of the player isn't a challenge, it's "Killer GMing."

As you may have guessed, the Ferengi was named UGC Contact.

Final Thoughts: A simple story with far too much grind and an incorrect premise. Selling Starships isn't against Federation law.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 33
05-13-2011, 08:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia View Post
Seems like you have a huge list to work off.
Can you give us a number or even better a list of upcoming reviews?
My primary list is down to just 9 missions, which I should have cleared out in just 3 days from now.

I added Memory Lane to my review list Bazag.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 34
05-13-2011, 08:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post


Problems with the mission: So the ambassador planted a bomb in Main Engineering. See, incidents like this are exactly why you don't allow anyone except the ship's engineering crew into Main Engineering.

Then the Ambassador just hotwires a shuttlecraft and flies away! Who's in charge of security on this bucket?
OK - The idea was that the Ambassador had access to the main engineering while on a tour with the delegation. Unfortunately I can't show everyone how he sneaks away to plant a bomb somewhere at a console.

How often have we seen some villains hijack shuttlecraft? ... Let's say this is a trained operative. Do you think this makes sense at all?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post

There were way WAY too many enemies. He has a ton of soldiers that work for him, ok I get it. No I really don't need to fight 4 more groups of them.

And can we please stop beaming me directly into multiple closely packed groups of enemies? And stop beaming multiple closely packed groups of enemies directly around me? It's not fun. It's not a challenge. It's just annoying.
OK, that's where my creating problems lie, i think. If you beam to the planet you have two groups in the first room. Do you suggest i cut them short 1-2 men or remove the first completely?

One group in the corridor, one in the big room. Same question as before.

Next: Again one group in the corridor and the boss group. ^^ The boss group isn't supposed to beam in around you. When I set the objective to kill this group to win the mission foundry made them disappear until you hit the reach marker with the dialogue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peregrine_Falcon View Post

Final Thoughts: Best quote I've seen in a Foundry mission so far, ne of my officers says to me; "A warp core explosion would heavily damage the nearby Ponorian station." Yeah! Not to mention that it probably wouldn't be that great for my health either!

The story itself is good one. Addressing the problems, and adding a little more depth to the story, could definitely bring this up to 4 Star territory.
lol... indeed

Thanks very much for the review. I will go back and cut some of the groups short. I fear that the mission is too short. Do you think it needs another chapter or just more dialogue?

Did you find the "hidden" triggers, where you can chat with the security officer in the conference room or get some advise not do stupid stuff in engineering? I added them just for fun and for people who like to explore, they are not important parts of the story. Do you think there have to be hints for people to find them?

Some people complain about the Nausicaan groups I used. Since the enemies you're fighting are "some aliens" i could user other basic enemies. Do you have an opinion on that?

Enough for now .. ty again
PF
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 35
05-13-2011, 09:24 AM
I was wondering, when you had the time, if you would review mine as well.

"The Second to Last Outpost"
Project ID: ST-HTY7R9LA2
Federation
Level 35+
Duration: Approx. 2.5 hours

It's a long one, with lots of dialog.

If you are able to add it to the list, great! If not, I'll catch you eventually to give it a run.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 36 Revision to 'Eyes Only'
05-13-2011, 11:27 AM
If any one has time to try the revised version of my mission 'Eyes Only' ST-HU312TQOO, it should now be avialable for play.

thanks
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 37 Review Request
05-13-2011, 02:24 PM
Author: Kuhr
Title: A Day For The Assassin
Project ID: ST-HNDDNZF3B
Allegiance: Starfleet
Level: 31+

This is a 2 or 3 part series. Part 1...You are ordered by Starfleet to stop and detain a Ferengi ship that is delivering Romulan Ale to different Romulan astroid colonies set up by the Federation due to the Hobus event. This ale is making many Romulans sick. Your mission is to stop the next delivery....


Look in search & make sure your setup for reviewing in order to find it.

This mission should take about half an hour to play through or a little more. Didn't want to make too long since it's my first one.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 38 A KDF mission for review!
05-13-2011, 02:38 PM
Hey Peregine_Falcon!

I would like you to review my mission.
Title: The Desert Voles
Author: K.Kaitan
Faction: KDF
Level: Any

I'll appreciate your constructive critique on this. It is only my 2nd Foundry made mission, and although I'm still learning the ropes in the Foundry, I do want to get better to point that my missions do feel like a Star Trek episode. I don't mind a low score, just as long as the reasons are sound, and will help me improve greatly.
Thanks a bunch and Qapla'!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 39
05-14-2011, 02:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64 View Post
OK - The idea was that the Ambassador had access to the main engineering while on a tour with the delegation. Unfortunately I can't show everyone how he sneaks away to plant a bomb somewhere at a console.
No, but what you can do is say something like; "I think that ambassador must have planted that bomb during the tour we gave them of Main Engineering yesterday." See that way you not only explain what happened, but you also explain how it makes sense, all in one quick sentence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64
How often have we seen some villains hijack shuttlecraft? ... Let's say this is a trained operative. Do you think this makes sense at all?
Yeah ok, fair enough. I was going to mention the implausiblily of him taking down the security guy earlier too, since you'd mentioned it, but didn't because I remembered that he was probably a Red Shirt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64
OK, that's where my creating problems lie, i think. If you beam to the planet you have two groups in the first room. Do you suggest i cut them short 1-2 men or remove the first completely?
You should never have the enemy camping the spawn point, especially not two groups at once. Remember, people aren't doing Foundry missions for the challenge, we have STFs for that. Spread them out and keep them away from the spawn points.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64
Thanks very much for the review. I will go back and cut some of the groups short. I fear that the mission is too short. Do you think it needs another chapter or just more dialogue?
A lot of enemies is no substitute for story. Did you ever see Kirk and Spock (or Picard and Riker) kill 20 - 50 guys in a single episode? No? Then why does it makes sense to require the player to do that in a Foundry mission?

In Star Trek almost every fight had a meaning. They attacked guys who were guarding something they needed, or to advance the plot. Even with Worf and O'Brien, you never saw them running down hallways, chewing through group after group after group of bad guys.

If removing the "wave after wave" of enemies makes your story too short then you can either go into more depth with your story or just accept that your mission is short. Short missions are ok too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64
Did you find the "hidden" triggers, where you can chat with the security officer in the conference room or get some advise not do stupid stuff in engineering? I added them just for fun and for people who like to explore, they are not important parts of the story. Do you think there have to be hints for people to find them?
I don't think I found them all, no. I don't see any reason to add hints. People who like to explore will find them, people who don't care won't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoFish64
Some people complain about the Nausicaan groups I used. Since the enemies you're fighting are "some aliens" i could user other basic enemies. Do you have an opinion on that?
Yeah, when you're not set up for ground combat then Nausicaans are tough. I am so I didn't even notice they were reskinned Nausicaans until one of them did that electric wrist shackle thing on me.

Meh. At least they're not broken one-shotting Darhar Masters.


I added The Second to Last Outpost by OldLordSkull, A Day For The Assassin by Kuhr and The Desert Voles by K.Kaitan to my list. Eyes Only by Zarrax has been added to my replay list, so it will be awhile until I can get to it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 40
05-14-2011, 03:25 AM
I have two that I would like to request a review for :

"Spy Games"

and

"Playing Vulcan"

Thanks
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