Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Deja Vu: Time's Cape
03-05-2012, 04:08 PM
Hi all,

I have created my first mission, Deja Vu: Time's Cape. It's short but sweet, borrowing heavily from a certain storyline. I've tried to make it as polished as possible, and if you've got a spare 10-15 minutes, I'd appreciate some feedback.

If all goes well, I've got a few other ideas for rehashes or intertwining plots based around classic storylines, which I can use to build a series of Deja Vu missions.

Thanks, hope you enjoy it.

(I only have one review so far, so you'll need to be a reviewer to see it)
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Valill
I'd appreciate a critique. This is my first foray into the Foundry, so it's a bit short, but I've tried to make it a fun 10 minutes.

Mission Name: Deja Vu: Time's Cape
Author: Valill
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HPTOURGRW
Estimated Mission Length: 10-15m
Method of Report Delivery: Forum

It's designed for a runabout, but if you encounter the optional space enemies, they're a bit tough. It's the weakest spawn I could find (fighters), but they still overpower my runabout
Federation Mission - Deja Vu: Time's Cape
Author: Valill
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPTOURGRW

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really good mission with great map design and tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. The story seemed familiar too. I would highly recommend this mission to any player that love a great story wrapped up in good map design and excellent and intriguing story dialogue. The mission is not 10 to 15 minutes. Itís closer to 30 minutes.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" on almost every map dialogue. As most anyone who has asked for my review will tell you that I recommend some sort of response other than "Continue". This is especially true when one of the playerís BOFFís gives a report of some type. There are other circumstances where "Continue" will work, like reading a log or other similar items. IN those circumstances I usually recommend using "Ö" instead. Yes Cryptic is a big one for using "Continue" in many of their mission dialogues, but I havenít gotten around to evaluating those missions just yet.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you clearly indicate the start location for the first custom map in both the description and grant dialogue, you should also include it in the initial mission task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
The Voyage Home: This is a good map design but the enemy engagements are way over powered for a runabout to go up against. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "at the agreed rendeavous coordinates" to read "at the agreed rendezvous coordinates".
-The use of the response button "Continue".

USS Aeolus: This is a good map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Romulan Warbird: This is a really good map design with tough battles. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-You need respawn points deeper in the map.

Pause. Resume. : This is an interesting map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The top two response buttons do absolutely nothing so consider removing them.

Rewind. Adjust. Resume. : This is a good map design. The story dialogue was very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Keep up the great work. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work n the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/11/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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