Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
I am writing a new Sci-fi Novel and I would like some insight from my fellow Trekkies and Sci-fi fans. I'll Be updating the Novel as I finish a days work on it. I've got a good 6 weeks on it with the school holiday. Of course I'm gonna continue playing STO in that time but... ok i'm getting off topic now. Enjoy these first few paragraphs. More will come soon. Constructive criticism is welcomed as are comments.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
07-23-2011, 03:21 PM
Endeavour: Setting Forth

Chapter 1: December 25th 2399 AD. The Invictus Phasmatis Shipyard Facility, Earth.

Overlooking the vast crowds that had been gathering since 7:00 am that morning, the President of the United Earth Federation stepped forward to the podium.
“For the last 25 years humanity has been recovering, both mentally and physically, from the brutal tyranny of the Tlachina. We have had our hardships. We have lost over a third of our brothers to hatred. But it is VITAL that we remember what we have gained, we have gained allies in the Anzani. It is also important that we remember what we have learnt. Over 125 years ago humanity had a question, a question that led us to the stars before; "Is there life in our Galaxy?” We know the answer now; we know we have friends that will stand with us. This facility is dedicated to the construction of starships that will let us find more friends in the heavens. "Invictus Phasmatis" is Latin for "Unconquerable spirit". It is a reminder that we must remain strong, we have survived 100 years of tyranny, and after less than 25 years, we are ready to leap forward yet again. For over 100 years we have waded ankle-deep in the ocean of space, now it's finally time to swim.”

The speech moved the crowds with astonishing success. As President Santonio stepped down from the podium he turned to the Anzani ambassador. “Now, they are ready Mr President.” The Ambassador stated this with all the smoothness of a mallet.

“For what?” The President soon replied.
“To become legends. To unite. To return to the stars.”
“I told you that 6 months ago Ambassador.”

5 Months later

Captain Luke Johnson looked out the shuttle’s transparent aluminium windows to see the new UES Endeavour. The sun shone onto the ship’s gleaming metallic hull giving it a golden, majestic beauty. The Quantum Drive Nacelles stood out from the ship at, from his perspective, seemed like about 100 meters. The Nacelles’ Ion intakes had a blue tint, and the resonator grills had magnificent duratitanium shutters covering the teal coloured sonic containment chamber. As the shuttle came in to land at the lower launch bay, on the underside of the ship, Captain Johnson got his chance to watch the construction teams mount the new Uranium-celled directed plasmatic energy cannons and the hull plating that would conceal them and the torpedo tubes. All he could think about was how for the last year he’d been waiting for this day. The sole purpose of Invictus Phasmatis Ship Yard was to build the Endeavour Class vessels, and now the first of Humanity’s new explorer ships was about to set sail across the vast ocean of space.

“Shuttlecraft San Diego, you are cleared to dock.” The voice sounded out of the comm. unit in absolute clarity. The pilot acknowledged the signal and brought her in, straight and steady. The bay’s landing lights slowly disappeared below the view of the cockpit’s window and the pilot tapped the control for the Ventral landing thrusters to slow the ships descent as he shut down the main Fusion-powered engines and hit the retros to bring all forward motion to a halt.

As he stepped off the shuttle, the Captain was greeted by his new First Officer, and old friend, Commander Drake Edwards. The Commander was wearing a standard issue blue jumpsuit with the Endeavour mission patch on his right sleeve and the UEF Emblem on his left one. The red command stripe stretching across shoulder-to-shoulder did little to disrupt this. Another addition to his jumpsuit was the three-stripe-with-circle rank insignia on his shoulders taken from the old British Royal Navy Officer badges-of-rank system.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
07-24-2011, 01:48 PM
Interesting premise, but might I ask, who are/were the Tlachina? Where did they go? There's not so much of a hint in that excerpt, even if it's just a passing thought by the president, which would also serve to break up that speech, which reads as almost wall-of-text able...

Hope to see more of course, hope this has helped, I love reading works of fiction, so drop me a message if y ou want someone to proof-read your stuff ^_^
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
07-24-2011, 02:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by momiji View Post
Interesting premise, but might I ask, who are/were the Tlachina? Where did they go? There's not so much of a hint in that excerpt, even if it's just a passing thought by the president, which would also serve to break up that speech, which reads as almost wall-of-text able...

Hope to see more of course, hope this has helped, I love reading works of fiction, so drop me a message if y ou want someone to proof-read your stuff ^_^
Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough. Ah what the heck.

125 years ago the Tlachina, an insectoid race, invaded Earth and enslaved the inhabitants. 100 years later the Anzani Republic, an empire just 25 LY from Earth, made contact and assisted humanity in driving the Tlachina from Earth and back to their Homeworld on the other side of the Galaxy, which remains hidden to both Earth and the Anzani. So yeah, kinda important. But thankyou for the comment and feedback. I'm now finishing off Chapter One and it'll be up in a few minutes.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5 Here's whole First Chapter
07-24-2011, 02:59 PM
Endeavour: Setting Forth

Chapter 1: December 25th 2399 AD. The Invictus Phasmatis Shipyard Facility, Earth.

Overlooking the vast crowds that had been gathering since 7:00 am that morning, the President of the United Earth Federation stepped forward to the podium.
“For the last 25 years humanity has been recovering, both mentally and physically, from the brutal tyranny of the Tlachina. We have had our hardships. We have lost over a third of our brothers to hatred. But it is VITAL that we remember what we have gained, we have gained allies in the Anzani. It is also important that we remember what we have learnt. Over 125 years ago humanity had a question, a question that led us to the stars before; "Is there life in our Galaxy?” We know the answer now; we know we have friends that will stand with us. This facility is dedicated to the construction of starships that will let us find more friends in the heavens. "Invictus Phasmatis" is Latin for "Unconquerable spirit". It is a reminder that we must remain strong, we have survived 100 years of tyranny, and after less than 25 years, we are ready to leap forward yet again. For over 100 years we have waded ankle-deep in the ocean of space, now it's finally time to swim.”

The speech moved the crowds with astonishing success. As President Santonio stepped down from the podium he turned to the Anzani ambassador. “Now, they are ready Mr President.” The Ambassador stated this with all the smoothness of a mallet.

“For what?” The President soon replied.
“To become legends. To unite. To return to the stars.”
“I told you that 6 months ago Ambassador.”

5 Months later

Captain Luke Johnson looked out the shuttle’s transparent aluminium windows to see the new UES Endeavour. The sun shone onto the ship’s gleaming metallic hull giving it a golden, majestic beauty. The Quantum Drive Nacelles stood out from the ship at, from his perspective, seemed like about 100 meters. The Nacelles’ Ion intakes had a blue tint, and the resonator grills had magnificent duratitanium shutters covering the teal coloured sonic containment chamber. As the shuttle came in to land at the lower launch bay, on the underside of the ship, Captain Johnson got his chance to watch the construction teams mount the new Uranium-celled directed plasmatic energy cannons and the hull plating that would conceal them and the torpedo tubes. All he could think about was how for the last year he’d been waiting for this day. The sole purpose of Invictus Phasmatis Ship Yard was to build the Endeavour Class vessels, and now the first of Humanity’s new explorer ships was about to set sail across the vast ocean of space.

“Shuttlecraft San Diego, you are cleared to dock.” The voice sounded out of the comm. unit in absolute clarity. The pilot acknowledged the signal and brought her in, straight and steady. The bay’s landing lights slowly disappeared below the view of the cockpit’s window and the pilot tapped the control for the Ventral landing thrusters to slow the ships descent as he shut down the main Fusion-powered engines and hit the retros to bring all forward motion to a halt.

As he stepped off the shuttle, the Captain was greeted by his new First Officer, and old friend, Commander Drake Edwards. The Commander was wearing a standard issue blue jumpsuit with the Endeavour mission patch on his right sleeve and the UEF Emblem on his left one. The red command stripe stretching across shoulder-to-shoulder did little to disrupt this. Another addition to his jumpsuit was the three-stripe-with-circle rank insignia on his shoulders taken from the old British Royal Navy Officer badges-of-rank system. The belt across his waist had numerous pouches for numerous items including his communicator. It also held the holster containing his plasma pistol, much like the Captain’s own uniform, except, of course the Captain had the four-stripe-and-circle rank insignia.

“It’s good to see you again Luke.” The commander didn’t waste much time before trying to make conversation.
“It’s been too long Drake. So what’s been keeping you the last few months?”
“Not much. Tasha started school on Monday and Lucy’s been busy at the Academy. She seems just a bit too eager to get out into space and explore those strange, new worlds.
“Alot like her Father then. So how fast do you think this beauty will go?”
“If we channel Quantum Resonator power to the sub-light engines along with weapons we can reach 3000 meters per second. It’ll strain the inertial dampeners but it’ll keep us going fast enough to outrun anyone trying to follow us until we can open a Jump Vortex.”

The two continued the evaluation of ship systems all the way to the bridge, where they met several of the senior staff. Lieutenant Sarah Chambers, the ships young Communications Officer, Ensign William Smith, the Helmsman, and Lieutenant Commander Jonathon Baxter, Science Officer. The crew was still waiting on Lieutenant Commander Christopher Lucas who was the ship’s Weapons and Security Officer. After exchanging greetings with the bridge crew Luke was called over by his new Comm. Officer. “Captain, I think we have a problem.”

About 5 minutes later. The Captain’s Office.

“You asked to see me Captain?” asked the First officer as he stepped through the threshold of the Captain’s Office.
“Show him what you just showed me Lieutenant”
Sarah stepped towards the wall-mounted monitor facing the desk at the back of the room. She punched one of the touch-screen controls and the UEF flag was replaced by a visual image which appeared to be video footage. There was a ship in the center of the screen, it was at quite a distance but you could make out a gold paint-job, and two Quantum Jump Drive Nacelles.

“That’s gun camera footage.” Drake said firmly and almost immediately.
“Gun Camera footage from an Anzani Patrol Frigate to be exact.” The Captain responded. Suddenly speech from the recording started to invade the almost silent room.

“This is the Anzani Patrol Vessel Thunderchild to unidentified vessel. You have entered Anzani Republic Territory. Please shut down your engines and identify yourselves so we may contact your government.” Almost a second later, red plasma bolts spewed out of the unidentified ship.
“Weapons are down!” This voice apparently came from the Anzani Weapons Officer.
“I can’t activate the energy dispersion armour! All defences are gone!”
“Ramming speed! Stand-by auto-destruct! Jettison disaster beacon with mission logs!”
The Anzani Captain ordered before the camera footage was replaced by static.

“When the Anzani responded to the distress beacon they found wreckage from their frigate, and part of another ship. They recovered a plaque from the wreckage. All it said was ‘Terra Forever’. Captain Johnson said as he broke the silence that had dominated the room for the last 10 seconds.
“What?” The First officer responded in complete shock. “Who were the attackers?”
The Captain and Communications Officer responded with a Cynical stare.

“Oh god. The Colonists. That’s who command thinks is responsible isn’t it?”

“When they left Earth 15 years ago they took all our military research and an entire Anzani cargo-fleet. 2-and-a-half Billion people, vanishing almost overnight, on a personal mission to make the Tlachina pay for what they did to Earth. UEF Naval Command wants us to find them, make contact, and arrest the commander of the ship that attacked the Anzani. Lieutenant, I want you to send a transmission. Shore-leaves cancelled, we launch in 3 days.”

The Captains voice ended right there and Lieutenant Chambers left the room. As Commander Edwards left the office for the Engine Room a few moments later, Luke found himself alone. He walked to the console on his desk and punched a control.
“Computer, open a channel to Fleet Admiral Gregory Nelson, Naval Command, priority level: 2.”
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6 Chapter Two
08-02-2011, 03:05 PM
Chapter 2: UES Endeavour, Invictus Phasmatis Shipyards. Launch Day, 28th March 2400.

“All stations report ready sir” The Comm. Officer sounded almost nervous. Understandable given that this was the first starship to launch from Earth in over 125 years. But then the Captain looked around the bridge, everyone’s faces were mimicking that of Sarah’s. Even the more hardened Tactical Officer seemed to be sweating with anxiety. Captain Johnson eventually acknowledged the young Lieutenant’s report and punched a control on the arm of his chair, which stood dead in the middle of the main bridge, with the briefing room directly behind, and operations directly behind that.

“Johnson to Engineering.”
“Edwards here.” Replied a voice even more anxious than Lieutenant Chambers’ had been only a few moments earlier.
“Is everything alright down there Drake? You sound a little nervous.”
“You try spending 5 hours crawling through conduits, making sure this thing’s hooked up right and NOT being worried it’s gonna blow up in your face!”

Suddenly a giggle came from the Comm. Station. The captain told Drake to stand by and closed the channel. Then he cracked a smile as the entire bridge lit up with a chorus of giggling and s******ing crew members. After things had quietened down he reopened the channel.

“What’s our status?”
“Well, assuming Ensign Smith can get us out of Dry-dock, I can bring the Quantum reactor to full power by the time we reach orbit. Then I can bring the Quantum Resonator Drive to full strength and open a Jump Vortex. As for sub-light, well, that is...gonna take a little longer.”
“How much longer?”
“3 hours, maybe 4.”
“You’ve got 2-and-a-half Drake. Bridge out.”

Over two hours later

Sarah was hard at work at her station. The Captain’s order that the Sub-light Engines be bought online early had risen more than a few kinds of hell with ship operations, and guess who had to relay every single transmission coming across the Inter-com system. Suddenly a high-pitched tone came out of the forward console. She activated a control and the console’s screen came to life.
“Sarah, please inform the captain that I’ve got the sub-light engines operating at 100% with 23 minutes to spare. Thank you, good day. Oh, and he owes me a new uniform.” Drake barely finished his sentence before his image was replaced by a blank screen again. From his tone it was clear that the Commander was frustrated. After a couple of moments staring at the black monitor in disbelief she tapped the control for the inter-com.

“Chambers to Johnson.”
“Johnson here. Go ahead Lieutenant.” The Captain’s oddly calm reply nearly made her s****** before she remembered that she didn’t want to lose her monthly pay check.
“Commander Edwards asked me to inform you that the sub-light propulsion system is online...and that you owe him a new uniform, Sir.”
“Tell him that if we get to Mars without blowing up, I’ll not only give him a new uniform, I’ll give him a raise. Johnson out”

I relay EVERY single message across this ship and I don’t even get decent quarters, let alone a raise. The Lieutenant quickly discarded that thought and returned to work...for 2 minutes before she was called to Operations. She asked Ensign Elworth to take her post and as she stepped through the door between the Bridge and the Briefing room she muttered one or two curses. When she entered Ops she was greeted by Chief Montgomery Trillen. They exchanged data pads before she left back for her station after asking that the Chief transmit the data to her over the computer net in future.

Suddenly the elevator doors to the bridge slid open so as to let Captain Johnson step over the threshold and take his command chair in the center of the circular room.

“All stations report ready, sir. We’ve been cleared by the dock-master to launch.” Chambers said with, again, a sense of nervousness.

“Thank-you Lieutenant. Bridge to Engineering. Are we good to go Drake?” The Captain had only just got in his seat.

“You know it Luke, Quantum reactor’s at 34% and climbing. We have full sub-light capability, and all systems show green.”

“Acknowledged, bridge out. Ensign Smith, clear all mooring beams. Stand-by to engage Ventral thrusters on my mark.”

“Aye sir.” The young Ensign responded. “All moorings cleared, ready to engage ventral thrusters on your mark.”

“Punch it.”

As the rocket thrusters on the bottom of the ship came to life the ship shuddered as she was lifted up off the Drydock floor and clear of the facility. A few seconds later the sub-light engines sprung into action and the Endeavour was sent flying at great speed into orbit. The previously nervous bridge crew breathed a sigh of relief as the Captain stood up and gave the order to proceed to Jupiter. As they left orbit Sarah looked back at Earth on the main screen. She could see the look on her face at that moment was shared by the other crewmen on the bridge. Though Earth was now dozens of miles away she could still make out so many of its features on the enlarged image on the viewer. The wastelands of East Germany, the almost submerged islands of the Caribbean, the craters dominating South Canada, aswell as the beautiful grasslands of Nevada, the valleys of East Africa, and the scars of the Norwegian Straights. Sights she had grown up with and yet, they never looked quite as beautiful or terrifying to her as they did now. Eventually that almost perfect image faded into the distance.

As Endeavour approached Jupiter the crew returned to their nervous, restless state. They all knew what was about to happen. The Endeavour’s Quantum Resonator Drive would soon come to life and open up the jump vortex to the first of three star systems that were to be investigated in order to find the Colonists that had left Earth almost 15 years ago.

“Co-ordinates for the Alpha Detrix system plugged in sir” The young helmsman couldn’t have sounded more nervous if he’d tried.

“Okay Ensign. Bridge to Engineering. Have we got a green light on the Resonator Drive, Drake?”
The Captain, for the first time on this voyage, sounded nervous. Not as nervous as everyone else, but still, quite, nervous.

“Yep, we’re good to go.” Replied the more confident voice of Commander Edwards who, either knew for sure it would work...or wasn’t paying attention to the situation.
“Okay, Ensign, stand-by to engage the Resonator Drive”

“Aye, sir. Standing by.” Ensign Smith responded.

“Hit it.”

The glowing teal slots in the nacelles began to grow brighter and brighter. A high-pitched sound ensued and, after about 10 seconds, bright pulses of blue light were blasted out in front of the ship and a swirling vortex was formed where they met. This special form of Quantum Singularity had nearly no gravitational pull and was no bigger than Endeavour was. As the Captain gave the order to go through, the ship began cruising forward. As the bow of Endeavour made contact with the anomaly the tension of the crew shot up astronomically. As the ship emerged on the other side of the Jump Vortex a small projectile launched from the aft section and detonated in the center of this spiral in space. As the vortex began to collapse gravitational forces began to increase, but Endeavour was already too far away to be affected.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry it took so long to get this up guys. Again, constructive criticism and feedback are welcome. Also, I've put up a contest to design the Endeavour (link in signature) It would help me a lot if you could actually give me an exact look for this ship. You'll be credited in the book (if it ever gets published) and it'll give those of you who entered the DTNE contest another shot at devising a starship.
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