Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 11
08-10-2011, 12:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by soriedem View Post
Hello everyone. I just posted my entry. I hope you all enjoy it. I welcome all comments. Thank you.
Well, it's definitely an interesting story, if a tad somber.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 12
08-10-2011, 02:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KiraYamato
Well, it's definitely an interesting story, if a tad somber.
I wanted to do something a little bit different with my entry this time around. I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did writing it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 13
08-10-2011, 02:58 PM
Another really good one.

I hate to be nitpicky, it's a pet peeve of mine when I catch myself doing it:
Quote:
Soriedem entered the conference room, walked over to his seat at the head of the conference table,
Try to avoid repeats when you write. Some readers, myself one of them, feel like they are tripping over words, skipped somewhere or slipped a line when these happen.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
08-10-2011, 03:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishStone
Another really good one.

I hate to be nitpicky, it's a pet peeve of mine when I catch myself doing it:

Try to avoid repeats when you write. Some readers, myself one of them, feel like they are tripping over words, skipped somewhere or slipped a line when these happen.
Good catch. Thank you. I try to avoid them as well.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 15
08-10-2011, 03:29 PM
But aside from that: REALLY well done. I'm sorry I giggled while reading, it was somber, just that the start had thrown me off and I thought I was headed for a parody.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 16
08-10-2011, 04:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishStone
But aside from that: REALLY well done. I'm sorry I giggled while reading, it was somber, just that the start had thrown me off and I thought I was headed for a parody.
I see what you mean. I just reread it. The Tobarri tradition of Initiation, something that had been such a happy occassion for the crew, had suddenly become a harsh reminder of the time they failed to protect each other. Yet, the tradition continues on, hopefully with a better appreciation for one another.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 17
08-15-2011, 10:45 AM
I got the first part of what I want to write out, I'll write more later as it was 2am when I wrote it and staying up that late has made me incredibly exhausted.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 18
08-15-2011, 11:47 AM
Hi all,

After taking last round off, I found a little spare time this week. So just added my contribution (though I've been tweaking it pretty much non-stop).

Have to say, I'm not particulalry happy with it. I was aiming for something a little different, but this is what came out. Like everyone else here, suggestions, comments or impressions are welcome.

Happy writing!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 19
08-15-2011, 03:22 PM
Nice to see you back! I liked your story, too!

...but I want MORE! Maybe I should bump us on Twitter and Facebook once more... >.>
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 20
08-15-2011, 04:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishStone
Nice to see you back! I liked your story, too!

...but I want MORE! Maybe I should bump us on Twitter and Facebook once more... >.>
Thanks!

I've been promoting these literary challenges among the members of my fleet--had one contribute a while back. I'll post something again about this round.

I think it's amazing seeing what other people come up with, so the more the better definitely.
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