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Originally Posted by KineticImpulser
Sixty years ago, the highest law of the Federation was broken.
Two civilizations were plunged into war on the other side of the galaxy.
You've been ordered to bring them back from the edge of ruin.
But you've got to find them first...
Overture 1: A Rocky Fanfare
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Federation Mission - Overture 1: A Rocky Fanfare
Author: KineticImpulser
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HQHMGBWAE
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Summary: This mission is a great first episode in the series. I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. The combination of great story dialog, map design and battles kept me engaged in the mission as a whole. I highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good story mixed in with investigation and some fighting. I deliberately removed references to specific dialog and battles from the individual map critiques to avoid spoilers.
Below are very few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Those items identified in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. It draws the player in and makes them want to click the "Hail" button. "Come on you know you want to..."

I like the note regarding length and recommending the player stop the ship during dialog. I usually do stop but that is a good note. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialog: I loved the variety of dialog choices in accepting this mission. I reviewed each of them in turn and I think the way you bring them all to a successful conclusion is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.
Mission Task: The task clearly defines the start location for the first map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice and simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling errors.
MAPS:
Andorian Rendezvous: I do like the branching dialog giving multiple ways of responding to the initial dialog with the Captain. I reviewed all the choices and liked the way you bring them all to same conclusion from different angles. That is great writing. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Transwarp Terminus: The dialog for this map is very well written and moves the story forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
USS Republic War Room: The entire dialog for this map is well written and helps drive the story forward. The [OOC] dialog with the chief at the turbolift explaining how to get your crew to stay put while you move off on your own will help new players understand some of the features available to control the away team better. There have been a number of times I’ve used this feature in away missions to pull them out of a fight we didn’t need to be in.

The effects and triggered dialog are excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
USS Republic Bridge: The dialog for this map is excellent in form and execution. In reviewing the entire dialog, including the various branches, several of them made me "laugh out loud”.

I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Triangulation: This is a nice and simple map with good dialog to move it forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
System JYT-3450: The map and dialog makes the story so much more interesting. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Abandoned Base: This is a great map design and the dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Cargo Level: The dialog for this map is very intriguing and really drew me into the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the door way right behind the player at the spawn point to a wall door that does not open. That way it looks as if we came from a turbolift. The current door opens and reveals part of the actual wall behind it.
-The third hologram is behind the rest. Consider moving it on top of the others.
Task Force Overture: This map is a great wrap up for the first mission in the series. The dialog is well written and motivates me to play the next mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am looking forward to playing the sequels to this mission.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/06/2011 on forum posting for:
In depth mission reports upon request.