Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 111
12-10-2011, 01:08 PM
OK. All minor issues of typos and dialogue images have been buffed out. Also shortened up some travel paths for mission flow. Thanks again, Brian.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 112
12-10-2011, 02:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt.PFDennis
OK. All minor issues of typos and dialogue images have been buffed out. Also shortened up some travel paths for mission flow. Thanks again, Brian.
No problem, glad I could help. Thanks again for authoring.
Brian
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 113 Orion's fate
12-10-2011, 07:37 PM
Could you review Orion's fate. No-one's reviewed yet and I wanted an opinion on it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 114
12-10-2011, 07:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by trekkie1994 View Post
Could you review Orion's fate. No-one's reviewed yet and I wanted an opinion on it.
I'll take a look and get back to you shortly.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trekkie1994 View Post
Could you review Orion's fate. No-one's reviewed yet and I wanted an opinion on it.
Federation Mission: Orion Series - Orion's fate
Author: trekkie1994
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUS5T9WTI

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission and a nice wrap up to the series. The map design is nice and simple with good battles spread throughout. I would recommend this mission for those that like a straight forward mission with good map design, great battles and very little story dialog. There are a couple of items I mention below but I want to discuss them in a little more detail.

The use of the gate was a nice idea but you need to work on the trigger point for the "Map Transition". Try moving it further into the gate area so the ship is into the effect when the transition is triggered. The fact that the ship turns away on the map is a STO limitation based on not having you fly through objects. In all the missions Iíve reviewed I have seen that feature work and Iíve seen it not work. You happened to pick a map that it works on so youíll need to work on the trigger point. Itís not a show stopper but I figured youíd want to look into it.

The use of the "Map Transition" text is okay but you need to refine it a little. The best use of this Iíve seen would be as described in the examples I gave below for the specific maps. This text and the button can be used to serve the story and drive it forward to the next map. I wanted to bring this up because I noted a few places where the dialog prior to map transition seemed to be more appropriate for the transition text.

The use of effects is good but there are a few things you can do to make them even better. For example, when the player destroys the "Omega Weapon" as the explosion happens you should set the weapon objects behavior to "Invisible" once the interaction and explosion goes off.

The story got a little off track when returning from the "Mirror Universe". On the "Otha III Brig" map you mention "returning to our universe and destroying the gate". However after we return to our universe the next task is "head to Zaria II". So on "Otha Space#2" map I suggest adding a task to "Destroy the gate" and then use the space explosion effect along with making the gate become invisible as described in the previous paragraph.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This write up is not bad. It could use a little more. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a little more detail without giving too much away. What you want is to motivate the player to pick your mission. Give them a good reason to click the "Hail" button.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good grant mission dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the U.s.s. Iowa" to read "the U.S.S. Iowa".

Mission Task: This is a good and to the point tasking. I noted only one thing to consider changing:
-Consider adding the sector to the end of the tasking to ensure all players can find the location of the "Otha" system. Not every player has a star chart on one screen to refer too.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "enter the gate" to read "Enter the gate".

MAPS:
Otha Space: This is a good map design. The dialog is simple but well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Find the gate" dialog; consider changing "There's the gate,[Rank]" to read "There's the gate, [Rank]".
-The Map Transition button; consider changing "Find the Prison Astroid" to read "Find the Prison Asteroid".
-The warp out effect caused the ship to turn away from the distortion which is a standard STO response when there are objects in the way on some maps. Try to move the interact point for the warp out closer to the distortion to help mitigate that issue.

Mirror Otha Space: This is a good simple map and the warp entry lines right up with the distortion effect you used for this map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Finding the prison" dialog; consider changing "Approaching the prison,sir" to read "Approaching the prison, sir".
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "We're in the prison" to read "We've locked onto an isolated cargo area, [Rank]". Then change the button to "Energize".

Otha III Brig: This is a very well designed map with good battles. The dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The first group of guards are sehlat's. Was that intentional?
-The "Free Neelax" dialog; consider changing "Ah, Starfleet at last, I need your help" to read "Ah, Starfleet at last. I need your help".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's get you out" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing the response button "return to the ship" to read "Let's get back to the ship" or something along those lines.
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "Let return to our universe" to read "We have a lock on you, [Rank]".
-Consider changing the response button "Return to your universe" to read "Energize".

Mirror Otha Space#2: This is a nice map design. The dialog is simple but good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Return to your universe" dialog response button "Return to your universe" to read "Take us through" or something along those lines.
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "Lay in a course for our universe" to read "[Rank], course plotted for our universe".
-As mentioned on the "Otha Space" map above the same issue with the ship turning away from the distortion happened. I would give the same suggestion as previously.

Otha Space#2: This is a good simple map and the warp entry lines right up with the distortion effect you used for this map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The mission task; consider changing "head to Zaria II" to read "Destroy the gate". Then have us turn and trigger some interaction effect followed by a "space explosion" effect which causes the gate to disappear.
-For the "head to Zaria II" task I recommend it follow the destruction of the gate. Also it needs to be a lot closer to the spawn point. It is too far away for just the warp Zaria II task.
-Consider changing the dialog "We have to head to Zaria II, [Rank]" to read "[Rank], we're ready to head to Zaria II on your order".
-Consider changing the response button "Head to Zaria II" to read "Make it so" or something along those lines.
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "Helm Lay in a course for Zaria II" to read "Course to Zaria II plotted and ready, [Rank]".

Zaria II Space: This is a good simple map and the warp entry lines right up with the distortion effect you used for this map. The battles are good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Defeat Klingon Squadron" dialog; consider changing "[Rank], Sensors are picking up" to read "[Rank], sensors are picking up".
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "There's the Klingon base. Its being guarded by two Squads" to read "[Rank], we're picking up at least two Klingon squads guarding the base on the planet".
-Consider changing the response button "Engage Klingon squadrons" to read "Letís get down there" or something along those lines.

Zaria II: This is a nice well designed map and the battles are tough but not impossible to beat. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Klingon Omega Weapons Base: This is a good map design with some tough battles and nice simple dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post "Defeat the guards" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "That is too much power" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing "With that much power this destroy a sector block" to read "With that much power they could destroy a sector block".
-Consider changing the response button "Destroy the Klingon Omega weapon" to read "Let's destroy this weapon".
-Consider adding additional dialog that reports the presence of "Captain Mípok" prior to the "Arrest Captain Mípok" task.
-Consider changing the response button "Arrest M'pok" to read "You are now my prisoner" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing the platform and Borg device to something that fits a little better in the room.
-Consider making the device disappear during the explosion.
-The "Destroy the Omega Weapon" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Agreed" or something along those lines.
-The "[ShipName] to away team" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Acknowledged".
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing the character to the Ship Engineer Bridge Officer and the dialog "Away team to [ShipName], get us out of here, now" to read "Away team we have a lock on you".

Zaria II Space#2: This is a good simple map design and a nice wrap up to the story and the series. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "U.S.S. Drake" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you Captain" or something along those lines.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I hope my critique report helps. You did a good job with this mission and the whole series. Your technique has improved as youíve progressed through the series.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 116 Omega Directive Revisited
12-12-2011, 05:30 AM
Greetings Brian,

I hope you are having a wonderful Holiday Season! I would like to request a mission review on an older mission of mine if possible. It was my first mission that originally had 2 parts, but I found that the first part
(Being my first foundry attempt), was lacking in some areas and as such rewrote and redesigned the more popular 2nd part to encompass the entire mission. The mission details are as follows, including a link to the
post for my Ad on StarbaseUGC. It also introduces one of my main characters from my Spawn of Medusa Series. There has been one "glitch" in the mission that a few individuals have experienced. For some players (maybe 1 out of 8), the interior of the wormhole has been extremely bright and blinding. I do not know why this occurs as it is fine when most and myself have played it. It may be the individual settings, I just don't know.
I hope you can find the time to give it a try. I would like your opinions on how to polish it up a bit before I go through it and republish a final re-edited version. Thanks again for all you do for the Foundry Community.


Name: Omega Directive Revisited
Author: Duke-of-Rock
Minimum rank: Level 31+
Alliegance: Federation
ID #: ST-HKMPMUMUZ
Estimated Length: 1.5 - 2 Hours
Starting Location: Console outside Main Transporter Room, Earth Space Dock
Review type: Forum post


StarbaseUGC Link: http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/unc...ted-recreated/
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 117
12-12-2011, 04:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
Greetings Brian,

I hope you are having a wonderful Holiday Season! I would like to request a mission review on an older mission of mine if possible. It was my first mission that originally had 2 parts, but I found that the first part
(Being my first foundry attempt), was lacking in some areas and as such rewrote and redesigned the more popular 2nd part to encompass the entire mission. The mission details are as follows, including a link to the
post for my Ad on StarbaseUGC. It also introduces one of my main characters from my Spawn of Medusa Series. There has been one "glitch" in the mission that a few individuals have experienced. For some players (maybe 1 out of 8), the interior of the wormhole has been extremely bright and blinding. I do not know why this occurs as it is fine when most and myself have played it. It may be the individual settings, I just don't know.
I hope you can find the time to give it a try. I would like your opinions on how to polish it up a bit before I go through it and republish a final re-edited version. Thanks again for all you do for the Foundry Community.


Name: Omega Directive Revisited
Author: Duke-of-Rock
Minimum rank: Level 31+
Alliegance: Federation
ID #: ST-HKMPMUMUZ
Estimated Length: 1.5 - 2 Hours
Starting Location: Console outside Main Transporter Room, Earth Space Dock
Review type: Forum post


StarbaseUGC Link: http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/unc...ted-recreated/
The holidays are looking pretty good. I'm starting on my Bachelor of Science in Information Technology this Friday so I have some home work to do there.

Not to worry though, I'll take a look at it and may have to spread the actual playing over the next couple of days. I'll post it here when I'm done.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 118
12-13-2011, 01:08 AM
Heya Brain;

I was wondering if you could check out my Klingon mission when you have some time.

Enemies of the Empire by Bazag.

About an hour and combat heavy
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 119 Mission Review Request
12-13-2011, 01:18 PM
Hello, please review my mission:

Mission Name: Balance of Reason
Author: Elvane
Minimum Level: 16+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HF9F3QGG6
Estimated Mission Length: around 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 120
12-13-2011, 06:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Heya Brain;

I was wondering if you could check out my Klingon mission when you have some time.

Enemies of the Empire by Bazag.

About an hour and combat heavy
I will take a look once I complete the Duke's mission.
Thanks
Brian
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