Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 121
12-13-2011, 07:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elvane View Post
Hello, please review my mission:

Mission Name: Balance of Reason
Author: Elvane
Minimum Level: 16+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HF9F3QGG6
Estimated Mission Length: around 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you!
You are in the que for review right after Bazag's mission.
Thanks Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke-of-Rock View Post
[color="White"]Greetings Brian,

I hope you are having a wonderful Holiday Season! I would like to request a mission review on an older mission of mine if possible. It was my first mission that originally had 2 parts, but I found that the first part (Being my first foundry attempt), was lacking in some areas and as such rewrote and redesigned the more popular 2nd part to encompass the entire mission.

Name: Omega Directive Revisited
Author: Duke-of-Rock
Minimum rank: Level 31+
Alliegance: Federation
ID #: ST-HKMPMUMUZ
Estimated Length: 1.5 - 2 Hours
Starting Location: Console outside Main Transporter Room, Earth Space Dock
Review type: Forum post


StarbaseUGC Link: http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/unc...ted-recreated/
Federation Mission - Omega Directive Revisited
Author: Duke-of-Rock
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HKMPMUMUZ

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. As I said in the rating it is a very long mission but the map design, battles and outstanding dialog make it riveting as well. The mix of dialog and tough battles are outstanding. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story with riveting dialog, great map design and challenging battles. You will want to play this mission.

Consider using the [OOC] dialog in the dialog window to describe a more in depth player response. I first saw this used in a couple of missions I was reviewing and really liked it. I liked so much so that I have incorporated it in my new mission currently under development. It gives you a wider range of dialog capability from the player. In my own use I finish off the dialog with last line placed in the response button. It looks good and plays well too. At least in my opinion.

I think anyone who has read my reports knows by now that the use of "Continue" as a response button is kind of a pet peeve of mine. I stopped noting on each map after a few times because I figured the point would be made. Plus I am limited to 11000 characters in a post. However, as I’ve also said many times, it really is a personal preference.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you please.

Mission Description: This is a very detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There appears to be a <Hard Return> between "ESD" and "outside".
-Consider separating the mission start location and the mission description into separate paragraphs. Perhaps change the mission start location to [MissionInfo] text to help separate the two elements of this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good grant dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you've clearly defined the mission start location for the first custom map in both the description and grant dialog you should still indicate that information in the task. It will ensure the player has no problem finding the start location.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The button says "Begin Omega Directive Revisited II" and I know you stated this used to be a two part mission but you had combined them. I was wondering if the "II" at the end is a left over from when the mission was part 2.

MAPS:
Sol System: This is a good simple map design. The dialog is great. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The player’s dialog response is good but short due to the limit of characters in the buttons. Consider using the [OOC] dialog in the dialog window to describe a more in depth player response.
-The Admiral Jenkins dialog; consider changing "met a Ferenghi Cruiser" to read "met a Ferengi cruiser".

Deep Space Nine System: The dialog is great and the map design is good. Nice explosion effect for the runabout. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Captain Relkri dialog: consider changing "met the Ferenghi ship" to read "met the Ferengi ship".
-The Science Bridge Officer dialog: consider changing "during starfleets investigation" to read "during Starfleet’s investigation".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue".
-Post "Scan the runabout" dialog; consider changing "to be emanting radiation" to read "to be emanating radiation".
-The post "Send the pulse" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Scan the warp trail" dialog; there is a reference to the warp signature "matches the Ferengi ship we encountered during our investigation". Could this be a reference to something that occurred when this was a two part mission but no longer happens in the current version?

Wormhole: This is a great map design. I did not note any issues with the brightness of the wormhole. I suspect you are correct about the video settings of the others who’ve experienced that. The dialog was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-Post battle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".

Thangorik System: This is an excellent map design. The ship explosions effects were very well done. The battle was tough but not impossible. The story dialog was outstanding. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post destroy last ship dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Is there anything else" dialog; consider changing "help keep my out of" to read "help keep me out of".
-During the "Nom" questioning dialog I did not mention the use of the response button "Continue" at the end of each line of questioning. It works for that particular usage.
-The post "Nom" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-I’m not sure if you’ll be able to fix the issue with the warp out. If possible try to place an object directly in the middle of the conduit and perhaps give an [OOC] dialog instruction to the player to fly directly through the conduit before activating it. Otherwise STO has the ship turn away from the conduit and warp away.

Stellar Nursery System: This is a great map design and the explosion effects are very well done. The story dialog is well written. The entry through the conduit was spot on. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post "Scan the system" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post destroy omega particle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".

Dominion Research Station: This is a good map design and the battles were tough but not impossible. The dialog was outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's check it out" or something along those lines.
-The post "Send the code" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Engage the Jam'Hadar squad" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue". At this point I’m going to stop noting the use of the word "Continue" for response buttons.

Stellar Nursery System#2: This is a good map design. I flew the ship straight through the gate and engaged it. The ship warped straight through the gate. It looked good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Founder's System: This is a great map design and the battles are tough but fun. The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Founder's World: The map design is okay but needs a little work on the spread out nature of the battles. The battles are tough but not impossible to win. The dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point closer to the Great Link.
-Consider moving the "Defeat Jem'Hadar squad" closer to the last crate destruction site.
-The last few battles are spread out way to far apart. Consider moving them closer to the Great Link site.

Deep Space Nine System#2: This is a good map design and the dialog is a nice wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Great work and I really do enjoy your work and look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 123 mission review request
12-14-2011, 07:59 PM
hi, you have come highly recommended and I am anxious for your feedback. I wanted to create a mission that was completely different from the typically serious missions. I wanted to combine humor with shock value and have a Federation Officer do things that they would normally never, ever do. I hope you enjoy playing this mission as much as I had fun making it.

NAME: IT'S JUST WRONG
AUTHOR: ABACINATE
MIN. RANK: 31+
ALLIEGANCE: FED
ID# ST-HPJZVJHX8
EST. LENGTH: 30-45MIN
REVIEW TYPE: FORUM POST
STARTING LOCATION: PSI VELORUM SECTOR BLOCK-DAISE SYSTEM
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Heya Brain;

I was wondering if you could check out my Klingon mission when you have some time.

Enemies of the Empire by Bazag.

About an hour and combat heavy
Klingon Mission - Enemies of the Empire
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFY7GLDMV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with great map design and dialog. The battles are tough but glorious. The mission does start out a little slow but it picks up once you leave the colony. The colony attack is a good bridge but you should consider getting rid of the arena interactions and perhaps add some residual Hirogen squads to be engaged. Then you could use that as the clue to those who attacked the colony. I would definitely recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story along with tough but glorious battles and well designed maps.

I did like your use of the warp effect on the first "Extra-System Space map" but I see you ran into the same problem I did with the warp effect. Your drop from warp on that map looked really good but the warp streaks seem not quite right. I'd like to suggest to you what I did. I turned the entire map including the spawn point to face west on the map. Then I used the "Weather StarStreaks West East 01". I think it looks a lot better.

Below are a couple of items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description and I especially appreciate the note regarding known bugs. I almost noted "honour" and "dialogues" but realized that as before is UK English vice American English. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is an excellent grant mission dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good mission task with a clearly defined starting point for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Sanek System: The map design is very good. The dialog is very well written. I was going to note the dialog which seemed out of sequence but then remembered the authors note in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing response buttons "Continue" at the end of both dialogs to something appropriate to the attitude portrayed by the player in the previous dialog response.

Sanek VII: This is a well designed map. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Overseer dialog; consider inserting an [OOC] note with an apology to the players who are not Klingon.
-The post "Access Sensor Logs" dialog; consider changing "A federation virus" to read "A Federation virus".
-Consider changing "but it seems it was designed" to read "but seems to be designed"
-Consider changing the response button "You're quite the compenent Engineer" to read "You're quite the competent Engineer".
-Consider removing "&>" at the end of the "Sir, we're receiving a hail from the [ShipName]" dialog.
-The dialog for the response to the "Link with the sattelite" button seems to repeat the previous dialog. The response button is different it states "Landing party, out". The only difference in the dialog seems to be the first was "Hirogen these" and the other "Hirogen. These".
-Consider changing the response button "Link with the sattelite" to read "Link with the satellite".
-The "Confront Overseer Grim'pok" dialog; consider changing "I stand by my actions still to this moment, but well, the question what are you going to do about it?" to read "I stand by my actions, the question is, what are you going to do about it?"
-Consider removing the holo-battle arena and the battle master. They really don’t seem to serve as part of the story.
-The map transfer dialog seems a little awkward. Consider changing
-The map transfer dialog feels a little awkward. Consider changing it to being from the Bridge Science Officer and have it read "[Rank], we may have a lead on the location of those who attacked the colony" or something along those lines. The response button would then be "Beam us up" or something along those lines.

Extra-System Space: The map design is good and the effect of dropping from warp was very well done. The dialog was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I'd like to suggest to you what I did. I turned the entire map including the spawn point to face west on the map. Then I used the "Weather StarStreaks West East 01".
-The post "Approach" dialog; consider changing "Very possibly" to read "Quite possibly".

Base Interior: The map design is outstanding. The battles are tough but glorious! The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Lay traps like cowards" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "They have no honor" or something along those lines.
-The explosions were very well executed. There is nothing you can do about this but it is too bad the blasts can't harm players or the away team.

Extra-System Space: The map design is good and the dialog is well written. The battles were really tough but not impossible. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point to a location where the player can watch the base explode.
-The initial battles start way to close to the player spawn point. You should not have that many ships spawn right on top of the player.
-Consider removing the "&>" at the end of the "Manually search" dialog.

Hirogen Base Complex: The map design is outstanding. I especially like the cage design with the trophies. The dialog is good. The battles are very tough but absolutely glorious! I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog response button "But he is one the ship" did you mean to say "But he is on the ship"?
-The Hirogen dialog; consider removing the "<&" from the "[OOC]A voice is heard over a hidden public address system[/OOC]" dialog.
-Consider changing "t will take some time" to read "It will take some time".

Extra-System Space: This is a good wrap up map for the mission. The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point to a location where the player can watch the base explode.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Great mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 125
12-14-2011, 08:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABACINATE
hi, you have come highly recommended and I am anxious for your feedback. I wanted to create a mission that was completely different from the typically serious missions. I wanted to combine humor with shock value and have a Federation Officer do things that they would normally never, ever do. I hope you enjoy playing this mission as much as I had fun making it.

NAME: IT'S JUST WRONG
AUTHOR: ABACINATE
MIN. RANK: 31+
ALLIEGANCE: FED
ID# ST-HPJZVJHX8
EST. LENGTH: 30-45MIN
REVIEW TYPE: FORUM POST
STARTING LOCATION: PSI VELORUM SECTOR BLOCK-DAISE SYSTEM
You are in my que right after Elvane's mission.
Thanks
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 126
12-14-2011, 11:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Klingon Mission - Enemies of the Empire
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID:
Thanks. I have addressed the spelling and other text errors you noted.

I've decided to keep the warp effect as is for the most part though I did on my own decide to add a bit more distance between points.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 127
12-15-2011, 12:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Thanks. I have addressed the spelling and other text errors you noted.

I've decided to keep the warp effect as is for the most part though I did on my own decide to add a bit more distance between points.
As always I'm glad I could help. I look forward to more of your work. You did a great job.
Thanks for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 128
12-15-2011, 12:36 AM
Well if you are interested in playing more...

I've got 4 more Fed missions that have been published including a bit of a mini-arc.

In Starfleet Experimentation you are tasked with transporting an important scientific find back to Memory Alpha for further research. However the substance discovered seemingly has a life of it's own and puts you and your ship at risk. Story and Puzzle-based

In Hidden Intelligence it follows up the previous story and you go and investigate the origins of this substance and along the way discover far more. Story and Puzzle-based.

---

Memory Lane is the story of a Bajoran Admiral who relives his memories of the past during a traumatic time in Bajoran history. (Cardassians lvl 31+). Story-driven combat with multiple endings.

---

The Mysteries of Pon Farr - Something weird is going on on Vulcan. Couples who are engaging in Pon Farr are going missing. It is up to you and your away team to find them and thwart what diabolical plan is being carried out here but can you do so when you find yourself the victim of the same trap? (lvl 16+) Story driven combat with Puzzles.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 129 Thanks again my friend!
12-15-2011, 11:50 AM
Hello Brian,

Once again you have been a great help to me in finding things I missed. When I changed from a 2-part to a
1-part mission, I thought I had fixed everything, but your ability to catch things I missed remains uncanny. Thanks very much for the playthrough. I agree with you on several points, including the distances between the Dominion squads on the surface of the "Great Link" planet. I intend to move them closer together as well as use your suggestion on the initial spawn point. I also thought I had corrected all the spelling errors of Ferengi. Funny thing is when I originally wrote the mission, I would have bet Gold pressed latinum that is was spelled "Ferenghi" until I learned otherwise (Doh). Thanks again for your help. I'm glad you enjoyed the mission.
Now that I am almost recovered (partially) from my back surgery 3 weeks ago, I intend to make some changes you recommended on my Spawn of Medusa series, as well as finally complete the last episode, "Spawn of Medusa V". I still have some limitation to how much time I can sit at the computer desk with the back on the mend, but intend to get it done before the end of the year.

May you and yours have a wonderful and blessed holiday season. I look forward to more of your help and collaborative efforts in 2012.


Respectfully,

Craig aka: Duke-of-Rock
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 130
12-15-2011, 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Well if you are interested in playing more...

I've got 4 more Fed missions that have been published including a bit of a mini-arc.

In Starfleet Experimentation you are tasked with transporting an important scientific find back to Memory Alpha for further research. However the substance discovered seemingly has a life of it's own and puts you and your ship at risk. Story and Puzzle-based

In Hidden Intelligence it follows up the previous story and you go and investigate the origins of this substance and along the way discover far more. Story and Puzzle-based.

---

Memory Lane is the story of a Bajoran Admiral who relives his memories of the past during a traumatic time in Bajoran history. (Cardassians lvl 31+). Story-driven combat with multiple endings.

---

The Mysteries of Pon Farr - Something weird is going on on Vulcan. Couples who are engaging in Pon Farr are going missing. It is up to you and your away team to find them and thwart what diabolical plan is being carried out here but can you do so when you find yourself the victim of the same trap? (lvl 16+) Story driven combat with Puzzles.
Sounds good. I'll put "Starfleet Experimentation", "Hidden Intelligence" and "Memory Lane" in the que.

I did a review of "The Mysteries of Pon Farr " back on September 17th and posted it on your forum posting. Below is a excerpt from the report summary.

---------Excerpt Begin----------
Summary: A great mission! Highly recommended! Really well written and you did a great job developing the story. I liked the map design with a few suggested changes as listed below. The dialog was well written and executed with the exception of what’s noted below. I know there are some players who do not like a lot of dialog. I on the other hand do like a good story that will draw me in and make me want to go on.

As for the spelling errors I found in some areas I think some of those are the difference between American English and the Kings English, for example the use of “s” instead of “z” in “Mobilise”. So I don’t think those will be that big a deal.
Thanks for authoring, you did a great job and I look forward to playing more of your missions.
---------Excerpt End----------

Thanks for authoring.
Brian
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