Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 31
10-23-2011, 11:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Thanks for the wonderful review of Deadly Intentions - Part 3 and especially for the suggestions you made. As of this writing I have implemented all of them. I especially appreciated your suggestions regarding the lack of Klingon ships after the final battle was over...I've put the I.K.S. Vol'car a little further back from the battle, as well as a few other non-combat NPC Klingon ships so that there's something left once it's all over.
You are quite welcome. You did a great job and it was a pleasure to review the series. I’m glad I was able to help. Your ability to tell a story makes me look forward to playing more of your missions. As I’ve said before I have nothing against a good straight shooter mission. However the ones with a story along with the shooting like yours are more fun to me and I think most players in general.

Thanks again for authoring.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Federation Mission - Surrounded
Author: Cerritouru
Allegiance: Federation
ST - HR84VX306

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: First of all I want to start off by saying how much I enjoyed your work. Your maps are simply stunning. The dialog was well written and drives the story along drawing me into it and making me want to see more. This mission is one of the best and one of the few that I’ve given five stars to. Despite the few minor dialog errors I list below your work on the story and maps made the whole thing.

As I said in my rating critique on STO following the mission I am looking forward to the second half of this mission and to playing more of your work in the future. You have done an outstanding job on this one. Keep up the great work and thanks for authoring.

Mission Description: Good description with explanation in advance of English as second language.

Grant Mission Dialog: Good mission grant dialog. Very detailed story dialog.

Mission Task: Very clear.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry dialog and button.

MAPS:
Cestus System: You designed a good map with balanced fighting and great story dialog. Here are some recommended dialog corrections:
-Dialog for SS Rushak; should read "lost the signal" vice "loss the signal". Also "There ships more prepared" should read "Their ships will be better prepared".
-Dialog near planet; "I can't take any clear reading" should read, "I can't get a clear reading". Button response should read "know" vice "knew".
-Dialog near planet; "It was build" should read "It was built". Response button; "But can also be a trap" should read "But it could also be a trap".
-Dialog near planet; "person that send" should read "person that sent". Also "using a shuttlecraft" should read "taking a shuttlecraft".

Shuttlebay: Your map and dialog was excellent. The optional information on the ships consoles was very helpful and I loved the way you allowed the selection of the type of shuttle bay.

Cestus Colony: The map design, particularly the buildings is really good. The dialog was well written as well and drove the story forward.

Underground Facility: The map design was very well done. The dialog was excellent and drove the story. The choice of how to resolve the mission was quite well written. Here are some recommended dialog corrections:
-Dialog with Commander button; "How do you" should read "How did you".
-Dialog with Ensign Tontin button "How do you" should read "How did you".
-Dialog from Tactical Officer; "I don't think that is likely" should read "I don't think it is likely". Also “Borg give us” should read “Borg will give us”. The dialog “emergency generators to sickbay” should read “emergency generators in sickbay”. The dialog “increasing the consume” should read “increasing the consumption”.

Starbase 82: The map was good and the dialog was great. Especially the detailed personnel file of the Captain of the Atrigas. Well done. Here is a recommended dialog correction:
-Dialog with Admiral; "listen what she has to said" should read "listen to what she has to say".

USS Artigas: This was a great map and the story dialog was excellent. The dialog draws the story to a good conclusion with the teaser for a follow on mission that makes me look forward to it. Here are some recommended dialog corrections:
-Dialog with the cadet; she referred to me by rank and short name vice rank and last name.
-Dialog with the Captain; she also referred to me by rank and short name.
-Dialog with Captain button; “something to inform me?” should read “something to tell me?” or perhaps “you wished to see me?”
-Dialog with the Captain; “have in our disposal” should read “have at our disposal”. Also “for caming aboard” should read “for coming aboard”

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I look forward to the second half of this mission and playing any of your missions in the future.
Brian

From original posting on 10/15/2011 Forum posting for: Surounded. Author’s response is located on that posting.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 33
10-27-2011, 03:27 PM
Mission Name: Good Intentions - Part I
Author: RogueEnterprise
Minimum Level: any level
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HBR3KGTXD
Estimated Mission Length: ~45m? Would be interested in seeing how long it takes you
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post is just fine.


Just finished this first parter yesterday, looking forward to detailed feedback if you can provide it.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 34
10-27-2011, 03:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Mission Name: Good Intentions - Part I
Author: RogueEnterprise
Minimum Level: any level
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HBR3KGTXD
Estimated Mission Length: ~45m? Would be interested in seeing how long it takes you
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post is just fine.


Just finished this first parter yesterday, looking forward to detailed feedback if you can provide it.
Thanks for the chance to review your mission. I'll review this mission tonight and post my report shortly. after I finish.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Mission Name: Good Intentions - Part I
Author: RogueEnterprise
Minimum Level: any level
Allegiance: Fed
ST-HBR3KGTXD
Estimated Mission Length: ~45m? Would be interested in seeing how long it takes you
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post is just fine.
Federation Mission: Good Intentions - Part I
Author: RogueEnterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST- HBR3KGTXD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: At first I thought perhaps I was going to be in a simple shooting mission but then you sprung the story trap. The mission design, from the dialog to the map design, is excellent. You crafted an interesting story that drew me into the mission and made me want to see what was around the next corner. The maps you created were very well designed and the effects were executed with precision. I am looking forward to both playing and evaluating the sequel to this mission. Great job!

The mission took me about 2 hours. That is because I carefully read all dialog, buttons, mission tasks, map text and map names as well as look at various aspects of the maps. I have not played it for length. I usually ask for the length so I can estimate how long it will take me to go through it. I found I can usually take what the author estimates and double it for my review. It also depends on how many items I find that I feel need correction.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Great description. This is a very detailed with a clear location for mission start. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written. This is one of the points at which you grab the player’s attention and draw them into the story ahead. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This mission task is very well done. I have found that the mission task for the first custom map is one of the hardest to determine how you will write it. It has to be written to serve to guide the player to the first custom map entry point and won’t interfere with the first custom map once the player is there.

Mission Entry Prompt: The Mission Entry Prompt is another point that serves to draw in the player. Most of the time I would suggest changing the button response to be something more towards the commanding officer of a ships response, "Take us in" or something along those lines. However I am not usually opposed to labeling it with the mission name. It is up to you.

MAPS:
Ker'rat System: Great map and story dialog. The command ship fighting was a challenge but fun. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-You may want to consider placing a re-spawn point closer to the command ship battle
-Post Scan adrift ships "Hail the Klingon ship" dialog; "No respose..." should read "No response..."

U.S.S. Bowstring Bridge: This map design is excellent and the story dialog is very well written. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Captain Olash is sitting a little low in the seat.
-Post Gain control of the ship dialog; "all appear working." should read "all appear to be working."

U.S.S. Bowstring Deck 5: The map design and effect execution is fantastic. The story dialog is outstanding and served to draw me into the story. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Post Investigate crewman dialog; third button response reads, "There's anther implant?" should read, "There's another implant?"
-What's the medic doing button dialog; "The medic is right about to" should read "The medic is about to".
-Enough analysis. Who's behind this button dialog; "Considering the intensive nature of this equipment, I think we can surmise that there is some kind of unknown alien presence onboard and is close by." This seems a little awkward. I think it should read, "Considering the intensive nature of this equipment, I think we can surmise that there is some kind of unknown alien presence onboard and it is close by."

Ker'rat System - Part II: This map was very well designed and the fighting was great. The dialog is very well written and drives the story along. At this point I am really intrigued by the alien race we’ve encountered. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

At Warp: This is a good simple map. The dialog is well written and serves to wrap up part I really well. I noted the following item to consider changing:
-The warp effect is going in the right direction however there seems to be a secondary warp effect going the opposite direction of the ship.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission is outstanding and I look forward to the sequel.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 36
10-27-2011, 06:49 PM
THanks a bunch for your in depth feedback. Typos are all well taken, I won't be mentioning them below, but let me go through a couple of your points a bit...

"Most of the time I would suggest changing the button response to be something more towards the commanding officer of a ships response, "Take us in" or something along those lines. However I am not usually opposed to labeling it with the mission name. It is up to you."

Yeah, here it's a personal preference. I like the Begin Mission: XXXXX just because it makes it look cleaner.

" The command ship fighting was a challenge but fun."

Did you choose to bring in support on that battle? Just curious.

"You may want to consider placing a re-spawn point closer to the command ship battle"

Definitely agree there. I may put in a respawn point halfway there.

"-Captain Olash is sitting a little low in the seat."

Humorously enough, that's as close as I could get him to sitting normally because of the map geometry and that particular animation. Maybe he slouches?

"-The warp effect is going in the right direction however there seems to be a secondary warp effect going the opposite direction of the ship."

Strangely this is inherent in the effect itself. =(
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 37
10-27-2011, 09:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
THanks a bunch for your in depth feedback. Typos are all well taken, I won't be mentioning them below, but let me go through a couple of your points a bit...
No problem. Doing these types of reports allows me to do two things I like to do. Play great missions and analyze stuff.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"Most of the time I would suggest changing the button response to be something more towards the commanding officer of a ships response, "Take us in" or something along those lines. However I am not usually opposed to labeling it with the mission name. It is up to you."

Yeah, here it's a personal preference. I like the Begin Mission: XXXXX just because it makes it look cleaner.
I totally understand that point. I can go either way on this one. I’ve even seen folks make the initial custom map dialog like a movie opening. I thought that was creative too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
" The command ship fighting was a challenge but fun."

Did you choose to bring in support on that battle? Just curious.
I did not bring in support. Instead I maneuvered all the way around the flank and attacked from the side drawing them out one group at a time. The Admiral did give me orders to take them out and avoid the other ships as best I could. It worked pretty well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"You may want to consider placing a re-spawn point closer to the command ship battle"

Definitely agree there. I may put in a respawn point halfway there.
That would probably work pretty well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"-Captain Olash is sitting a little low in the seat."

Humorously enough, that's as close as I could get him to sitting normally because of the map geometry and that particular animation. Maybe he slouches?
I’ve found similar restrictions on some of the maps I’ve worked on for my missions. So you do the best you can with what you have to work with. I just felt it was something you’d want to look at. The crewman at the rear of the bridge with the explosion was great. Also in case I forgot to mention it, the explosions, smoke and debris effects on Deck 5 were outstanding.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"-The warp effect is going in the right direction however there seems to be a secondary warp effect going the opposite direction of the ship."

Strangely this is inherent in the effect itself. =(
Ok. Are there two different warp effects you use on that map? Or is it the same effect all in one?

I am glad my report was useful to you and I am looking forward to playing the sequel. The mystery alien race has me intrigued…
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 38
10-29-2011, 05:39 PM
New request from me - Just finished it today and would love a good set of eyes on.

Good Intentions - Part II
ST-HNGW6SNID
Starfleet any level
Estimated length: ~30-45m?
Delivery: Forum works
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 39
10-29-2011, 06:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
New request from me - Just finished it today and would love a good set of eyes on.

Good Intentions - Part II
ST-HNGW6SNID
Starfleet any level
Estimated length: ~30-45m?
Delivery: Forum works
Thanks again for the chance to review your mission. I'll get right on it and report back shortly.
Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Good Intentions - Part II
ST-HNGW6SNID
Starfleet any level
Estimated length: ~30-45m?
Delivery: Forum works
Federation Mission: Good Intentions - Part II
Author: RogueEnterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST- HNGW6SNID

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: The story along with the map design and execution of effects is outstanding. You drew me into the story from the start and held my attention throughout. I highly recommend this mission and the entire series. You should definitely play part 1 first not just because it is a good prequel but it serves to develop the story and gives you a taste of what is to come.

I think your estimate of time is pretty close even though I took about two hours myself. As I said before, I tend to take longer because of the nature of my critique reports. No matter how long the mission truly is if you like a good story and a good mix of dialog and fighting then you like this series.

As in my previous report below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Good description. I recommend either highlight the “Try Part I” note or move it to the end. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: Good grant mission dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Good use of the map text field to describe exactly where to begin the mission on the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with the mission task.

Mission Entry Prompt: As we previously discussed the method of using this prompt is entirely up to the individual author. Based on that discussion I have altered my evaluation of this particular mission aspect. In short unless I see spelling errors or obvious issues I will leave this to the author.

MAPS:
Ker’rat System: This is a good map with a good mix of story and fighting. Between those two elements it draws me into the whole mission even further. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Admiral Nalri dialog; suggest changing "nearby supply stash" to read "nearby supply depot" to fall in line with the mission task in the same dialog box.
-Post pirate fight dialog; suggest changing the response button to "Prepare to beam up supplies" or something to that affect.
-Post Klingon scout fight dialog; suggest changing the response button to "Acknowledged" or something to that affect.

Outpost Lounge: This is a great map design and again the dialog is well written. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Brief Admiral Nalri dialog; "alien representatives board" should read "alien representatives aboard."
-Brief Admiral Nalri dialog; "receive a consensus” seems a little awkward. Perhaps change it to “reach a consensus”.
-Dialog in response to "Captain Niemy? What do you think?" button; the dialog she responds with doesn't seem to be required for the story. The “optional” dialog with Captain Niemy seems to work without the other dialog.

Unconsciousness: Wow! This map is really well done. The dialog is in depth and really drives the story forward. I really liked the post battle with the Klingons dialog. I like how you added each element depending on which selection I made, i.e. “Diplomatic”, “Scientific” and “Cultural”. That is very well done. Another thing I really liked was the blast and debris post “Rescue Captain” mission task. The effect was very well executed however I could still see the Captain through the smoke. Perhaps move her further back of add a little more debris to cover her. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-Alien dialog; suggest changing "that is not really" to read "they are not really".
-The console for disabling the plasma vent is partially buried in the ramp. I suspect this is a limitation of placing some objects on foundry maps. Consider moving it to the flat area just down from its current position. You could then move the plasma vent down and the NPC with optional dialog as well.
-Dialog in response to "Orions don't share our non-violence policy..." button; suggest changing "mask your true actions" to read "mask your true intentions".
-The response button to that dialog; suggest changing the button "The real galaxy isnt a perfect one..." to read "The real galaxy isn't a perfect one..."

Outpost (Sickbay): The story dialog was great. The choices and the branching dialog responses were very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Ker’rat System - Decision: This map was designed quite well and added to the story. You did an outstanding job designing the effects design and their execution. The story dialog was well written and kept me interested every step of the way. I noted the following items to consider changing:
-The response button to the Captain Niemy dialog reads “captain”. I suggest changing it to “Captain” since my character is addressing her.
-Commander Ozten dialog; suggest using "CDR" vice "Cmdr" for the response button in lieu of spelling out commander.
-I noticed a shuttle and a fighter that were involved in the battle continue to warp in over and over after the battle is completed. This is probably a setting on the “Idle Behavior” for those ships.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this series and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future. Keep up the great work.
Brian
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