QUOTE=bluegeek;4076965]Mission Name: Engineering Emergency
Author: bluegeek
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HTDHP6NN3
Estimated Mission Length: 10 minutes or less
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Looking for polish recommendations. This is a no-combat, dialog-based mission that took me way longer to build than it did to play. It's my first publish.[/quote]

Federation Mission - Engineering Emergency
Author: bluegeek
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTDHP6NN3

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Summary: This is a nice short mission with good map design and excellent story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players. There is a lot of potential to expand this story a little more and draw the player into it. Consider adding a few more interactions for the player to work on. The only real flaw in the story was the lack of any real creditable threat to the crew or ship other than the radiation. Perhaps you could turn it into more of a hostage situation or something along those lines. Otherwise it was a good mission.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click that "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue that some elements of it could be included in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial mission task with a clear location for the start of the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted two items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [MissionInfo] dialogue "to start the mission".
-Consider changing the response button "Open a channel to Andoria" to read "Make it so".

MAPS:
Bridge: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple items to consider changing:
-Consider placing more bridge NPC’s at the stations.
-The “Ambassador” dialogue; a few of the buttons seemed to loop back to previous dialogue. It felt odd.
-Consider having the player go to the turbolift to head to engineering vice transport.

Engineering Deck: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using a different console or changing the animation to "Typing on wall console".
-The Ambassador should not refer to the player by the "Nickname".

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job from the map design through the story dialogue. I look forward to playing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/17/2012 on forum posting for: Engineering Emergency.

I had to snip a few bits for post lenth.Yeah, that's true. I see now that I didn't explain what you needed to do with the Anti-Chroniton grenade well enough. If I had you would have realized that it's not until part 2 of the story that you use it. Part 1 ends after you get to J'Gor's base, the grenade is used after you fight your way through the base to where the generator is located. In hindsight I'm kinda surprised at myself for not thinking to explain this. Yeah I'll have to look that up. The most complex thing I've figured out is how to setup simultaneous objectives.Yeah I suppose those could use a rewrite. Sometimes simple is too boring to be interesting.

Good ideas. One thing that might be useful to know is that I did a major revamp prior to asking you to review it. In the original version Hortock didn't exist and it was the Guardian of Forever you were talking to. It looks like I missed a few things that needed to be changed along with that.I might, I put it there because I thought that part of the map looked cool. And yeah, I named Hortock everywhere BUT the actual NPC name. I even have an NPC costume named Hortock... and yeah I probably will try to find some other image for the pickup point, the undine plant is cool, but.... out of place. good idea. This might be a relic from an older version of foundry that required you to ruthlessly execute enemies before you could leave a map. Looking back the first project review was in september last year.Good ideas. I was trying to have the Romulan actually follow you, but that doesn't work.... so I left her out completely. I suppose as an interim measure I could have her appear at the first spawn point. It's obvious I need to explain what you're there to do better. But explaining it as repeaters for the dampening field is a good idea. Even if it's not the main dampening field generator it'd make sense to want to disable them. And while there are 2 spawn points, more would be a good idea.I actually changed very little on the map. If not the the repeater buildings I added to the map you'd have immediately realized that it is a Vulcan map. Each of the locations was chosen because there's a giant IDIC statue at that spot. I originally put the buildings there to hide the IDIC statues. Needing to disable ~something~ before entering the base seemed like a good idea though. Rewriting it to be the base defenses seems like a good idea though.You probably had a patch loading screen. I put in a Romulan squad as assistants but my monkeying with the wander stuff seems to have given them some sort of ADD and caused them to run around at random. It's likely that they shot the klingons and wandered into the woods before the loading screen finished. I was hoping to make them follow you but that doesn't work.I like the optional idea. It makes sense for story reasons. And it's really not too hard to walk around the klingons.good ideas. The difficulty of the last map was really predicated on having the Romulan squad helping you, but.... I can't write the mission that way. So I suppose I need to either reduce the difficulty or make it optional.Thanks for the review. It definately gave me a lot of ideas about what to do to improve the mission.

I'm glad I could help. It is my goal to help author's make the community a stronger place.

Thank you for taking the time to author your mission.
Brian

Federation Mission - Forget Me Not
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFMIG9X2P

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Summary: This is an outstanding mission, from the excellent map design, through the outstanding story dialogue. Your map design with the optional tasks that included fight or stealth modes was simply outstanding. The story dialogue that included the optional choices on which way the story for that map would go was excellent. The optional fighting was also very well designed and tough. You used the response button “Continue” a number of times but it seemed to work pretty well where you used it. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who enjoys a great story combined with excellent maps and optional tasks and fights.

Below is just some of my standard observations with no real items to correct. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I like the author’s notes too. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an interesting use of the grant dialogue. The details you provide certainly do tell the player the type of mission but no real details on what it is about. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is an interesting use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Sienae System: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Isolane Nebula 1: This is an excellent map design. The story dialogue is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Vendetta Interior: This map design is outstanding with the fight or stealth mode options. The story dialogue is very detailed and excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Isolane Nebula 2: This is a really great map design with the fight or escape option. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Warp Speed: This is an excellent map design with outstanding story dialogue that brings the mission to a very nice conclusion. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. It was a lot of fun to play and review.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/17/2012 on forum posting for: Forget Me Not: choose between combat or stealth game play! (screenshots).

Federation Mission - Camelot Under Siege
Author: Tucana
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGJVKRLUU

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Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map designs, challenging battles, and outstanding dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission all players who love a great story combined with excellent map design and challenging battles. This is the mission for you. It kept me riveted the entire time.

I noted on one of the maps the use of the response button “Continue” but I saw it on most of the maps. I liked the way you used the dialogue area to expand the response of the player to be more engaging than that of the typical one liner you get with the response button. The way you are using “Continue” is not all that bad but in later maps I noted you began to use the last sentence of the player’s dialogue as the response button. I think you should consider doing that throughout all the dialogue where you used “Continue” as the response button.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very well written description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The mission tasks are good, but consider adding the location of each task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Earth Space Dock (Cryptic): This is a good use of the Cryptic map as a bridge to the story. The dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The secure entrance to the Admiral's office consider moving it to the door on the other side of the corridor since that is the side that the Admiral's office is on.

Earth Space Dock - INTERIOR: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is very detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Camelot - SPACE EXTERIOR: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Valley Forge - INTERIOR: This is an outstanding map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The “Ensign Toria” dialogue; consider changing "interference from the Valley Forge, The intensity has increased" to read "interference from the Valley Forge. The intensity has increased".
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Camelot - SPACE EXTERIOR#2: This is a very well done map design with nice challenging, but not impossible battles. The story dialogue is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Camelot - INTERIOR: This is an outstanding map design with good battles. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Camelot - SPACE EXTERIOR - FINAL BORG: This is a great map design with nice balanced engagements. The story dialogue is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Righteous - INTERIOR: This is good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Camelot - SPACE EXTERIOR - DEPART L-374: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well done and serves to wrap the mission up nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your work on this mission is outstanding and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

Hello Evil70th,


I've just published my first foundry mission, actually a two parter (due to map limits). It is designed primarily for new members of my fleet, which is why it has what would be considered a few unnecessary maps, but it is accessible to anyone and I encourage everyone to play. Also, there is probably a few typos remaining that I've missed, but I'm sure you'll point them out. I started to have issues publishing while testing, at one point some costumes "broke" so I'd like to have a definitive review before I republish for a final time. Thanks in advance.

Name: "Welcome to the Vanguard, Parts I and II"
Faction: Federation
Level Required: For all levels, but I do plan to make a VA version as well.
Category: Story-driven space and ground combat
Length: 60-90 minutes (total for both parts)

You can write the review here, if it's gonna make me cry you can e-mail it to me lol j/k

P.S. On one map, I forgot to put in the technobabble word during some dialogue, I put in the word "Mcguffin" as filler. It should read "decalithium". I will replace it on next publish.

Thanks for the review request. Your part one and two are now 8 and 9 in the queue behind tosmonkey. I usually do not aim to make the author cry.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian

And I truly appreciate ALL of your candid feedback! I can only improve with my STO Foundry work when I see constructive ideas and suggestions such as these! Thank you!

I look forward to your review of the sequel mission, "Dreams of Salvation and Glory."

Thank you again, Brian.

Tucana

Thank you, Brian. Your feedback, as well as your support and encouragement, have meant a lot as I've ventured into this exciting universe that is the Foundry.

Glad I could help. I am in the process of reviewing "Dreams of Salvation and Glory" but the server was acting a little weird tonight so I had to quite for the evening. I'll try to wrap it up after work tomorrow.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian