Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 41
10-30-2011, 01:25 AM
Again, thanks for the very specific feedback. A lot of it is nitpicky, and that's a good thing! Hopefully that meant that not a lot of big stuff could be picked out. Let me bounce a couple things back:

"I like how you added each element depending on which selection I made, i.e. “Diplomatic”, “Scientific” and “Cultural”."

Which one did you select, out of curiosity?

"-Commander Ozten dialog; suggest using "CDR" vice "Cmdr" for the response button in lieu of spelling out commander."

The all-caps abbreviation bugs the hell out of me actually. Is this established to work like this in modern military use?

"-I noticed a shuttle and a fighter that were involved in the battle continue to warp in over and over after the battle is completed. This is probably a setting on the “Idle Behavior” for those ships."

This is actually a risk/reward tradeoff that I use for cinematic value. Usually you only want to do this for enemy ships that come in and surprise the player - because they are destroyed by the time they go idle again, you never see the repeat animation. However in circumstances where you want friendlies to come in and help you win a battle, what I've done is had several squads just spawn in, with just one "warping" in to create the "they're coming in to help you" instead of just having them appear there. I try to make it so easy to destroy targets are warped in so they have a higher chance of being destroyed so you dont see this effect, but because battleships grab aggro much more easily this doesn't always work. What are your thoughts on that?

Other than that, I wanted to ask about the emotional resonance of these missions. I was sort of going for the TOS/early TNG feel of god-like aliens screwing with you, and it tops off with that character being killed at the end of part 2. Does it accomplish what I set out to do, or is there more I can do in that regard?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 42
10-30-2011, 09:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Again, thanks for the very specific feedback. A lot of it is nitpicky, and that's a good thing! Hopefully that meant that not a lot of big stuff could be picked out. Let me bounce a couple things back:
My evaluations could be called nitpicky, but that is because I try to review it thoroughly. Part of the reason a mission evaluation takes me so long is because I try to study all aspects of it from a player’s perspective. Of course I don’t move all over a map to discover little errors that may be there. I stay within the mission and see if anything jumps out at me. Like the Captain that was still waving at me from behind the smoke and debris. Having authored a couple of missions myself I also have a good idea of what is a limitation of the Foundry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"I like how you added each element depending on which selection I made, i.e. “Diplomatic”, “Scientific” and “Cultural”."

Which one did you select, out of curiosity?
My first selection was “Diplomatic”. Not just because it showed up first in the response buttons but I generally prefer to try diplomacy first if it is an option. If I was playing my Klingon character then I might choose a more aggressive response depending on which is available. In the case of your choices I went through each one to review them.

I found that as long as you don’t finish at dialog tree you can start it over, which allows me to review each choice. That was how I noticed the trigger of each response for “Diplomatic”, “Scientific” and “Cultural”. Those individual elements appeared right on cue with the selection. I think you designed that very well. They each triggered as soon as I selected each response. Another item that I’ve noticed in all the missions I’ve played is on the mini map you can see elements are there even though they are hidden from view. You can’t really always tell what it is but you can see something is there. That is a Foundry limitation and not anything the author has control over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"-Commander Ozten dialog; suggest using "CDR" vice "Cmdr" for the response button in lieu of spelling out commander."

The all-caps abbreviation bugs the hell out of me actually. Is this established to work like this in modern military use?
I retired from the US Navy in 2006 as a Chief after 24 years. In all that time I’ve seen rank abbreviations used it would typically be “CAPT” for Captain, “CDR” for Commander, “LCDR” for Lieutenant Commander, and so on. When interacting in correspondence with other services I have seen lower case used in abbreviations but usually only in lower ranks like “LTjg” for Lieutenant Junior Grade, or “2ndLT” for Second Lieutenant. The last one I’ve also seen as “2/LT”. For me the use of lower case and upper case in abbreviations of rank bugs me only slightly, but not to the point of quitting a mission or not playing the authors missions. That is why I also added the “in lieu of spelling out commander”. I also understand that sometimes you can’t fit the response you want in the space of the button text.

For enlisted ranks I don’t recall seeing lower case used in a rank abbreviation. For example, “SGT” for sergeant, “PO1” for first class petty officer, “SSGT” for staff sergeant, and “CPO” for chief petty officer.

I am not 100% sure but I don’t think the foreign military services I’ve served alongside of used lower case in abbreviations of rank either. Someone else might have a different recollection and I’d be interested to hear it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
"-I noticed a shuttle and a fighter that were involved in the battle continue to warp in over and over after the battle is completed. This is probably a setting on the “Idle Behavior” for those ships."

This is actually a risk/reward tradeoff that I use for cinematic value. Usually you only want to do this for enemy ships that come in and surprise the player - because they are destroyed by the time they go idle again, you never see the repeat animation. However in circumstances where you want friendlies to come in and help you win a battle, what I've done is had several squads just spawn in, with just one "warping" in to create the "they're coming in to help you" instead of just having them appear there. I try to make it so easy to destroy targets are warped in so they have a higher chance of being destroyed so you dont see this effect, but because battleships grab aggro much more easily this doesn't always work. What are your thoughts on that?
That would explain what I was seeing. It must be a limitation of the Foundry because if it was a ground mission and reinforcements beam in to help they don’t keep beaming in after the battle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueEnterprise View Post
Other than that, I wanted to ask about the emotional resonance of these missions. I was sort of going for the TOS/early TNG feel of god-like aliens screwing with you, and it tops off with that character being killed at the end of part 2. Does it accomplish what I set out to do, or is there more I can do in that regard?
The short answer is, yes you did a great job of achieving emotional resonance. No I didn’t cry.

The longer answer, I would say you accomplished your intent to make it feel emotionally involved. Of course that depends on the player. For me, having served in the military, I always knew I may have to sacrifice in some way to get the job done. It is the way of life especially for career military personnel. So anytime I play a mission in the “game” I draw those same parallels with the mission objectives. Before anyone asks, yes I know it is a game, however we all approach life and games with our own experiences. Perhaps that is why I enjoy games with a story. As I’ve said before I like playing the grinders and melee filled missions with no story. I always evaluate them based on the author’s intent versus what they actually achieved.

No one has submitted a straight grinder or melee mission to me yet for evaluation. Yes they can have issues too.

Thanks again for authoring, you did a great job.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Federation Mission - A Relic's Return
Author: Armsman
ST - HRGENW9BKB

-------Report Start----------------

Summary: This was an excellent mission! Very well written and the map designs were well put together. There are a few very minor issues listed below. Throughout the Map Text was being used as the Mission Task Text which was also provided. Essentially this is duplicating the effort of describing the task. You should consider using the Map Text feature to give an overall theme to that map. For example; “Hunting Orion Raiders” or something to that affect. As indicated by my minimal notes on each map you did a great job. There are folks who don’t like lots of dialog. I don’t mind it if it adds to the story of the mission. You did that with this mission. Great job, and thanks for authoring.

Mission Description:Good write up.

Grant Mission Dialog: Excellent write up and instructions on where to go.

Mission Task: Good tasking giving clear instructions on where to go.

Mission Entry Prompt: Very well done.

MAPS:
Briar Patch Encounter: The Map Text shouldn’t be the same as the mission task text.
-Dialog buttons punctuation; “So,given” should be “So, given” and “situation,what” should be “situation, what”.

Kintara Prime: Excellent writing and map design. Again the Map Text shouldn’t be the same as the mission task text.

Kintaran Council Chamber: Very well done. Great writing and map design. The story was engaging.

Return Trip To Regulus Sector: Well done. Good balanced fight. The Map Text shouldn’t be the same as the mission task text.

----------Report End---------------

I'll review "A Relic's Return (Conclusion)" as soon as possible.
Thanks,
Brian

From original posting on 09/17/2011 Forum posting for: A Relic's Return (Conclusion). Author’s response is located on that posting.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Federation Mission - A Relic's Return (Conclusion)
Author: Armsman
ST-HG5XD7S6B

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: I want to start off by saying that both missions were really well written. Your development of the story and the characters within it were also really well done. Yes the second mission is pretty long and heavy on dialog but that works, at least for me, if the story is engaging. Yours story and dialog were very engaging. Some minor issues are noted below for each area that I felt you needed to work on like minor spelling issues noted below for each map as appropriate.

Some issues are personal preference, like the “breaking of the fourth wall”. In case this is not clear, this is when an actor breaks character and talks directly to the audience. In your missions you did this on pretty much every map. For example, you give the player a hint regarding the use of “ships scanner” or away team “tricorder” to find something. For some this might be needed but I suspect most players do this out of instinct especially when they know there is an object somewhere on the map. Again this is a personal preference but for me it was mildly distracting and not needed. If you feel the information may be needed by the player I would suggest finding a way through dialog from a specific character to insert the information. That would be less distracting. I noted on each Map below this being done.

Another minor issue is the use of the Map Text versus the Mission Task. Using the Map Text to display the Mission Task as well is a little redundant. It should be used to describe the overall Map purpose. For example; “Reach Planetary Orbit” or something to that affect. It is a common issue that even I did on some of my early missions. It is not a show stopper but can serve to interfere with reading the specific mission tasks in the mission task window. I noted on each Map below this being done.

There is one last item regarding Colonel Jensen. I liked the character and the story point. Colonel Jensen is first referenced in the story on the first Veela System map. I would suggest adding a portion of the story in the lead in somewhere regarding the Colonel and his troops. Something like the players character wondering why they are needed or something like that. Again this is not a show stopper just and observation.

So with all that said I would like to reiterate how much I enjoyed your missions. They both were very engaging and well written. For me the story is more important than just flying around blow stuff up. That is fun too but not nearly as important to me. Great job and thanks for authoring.

Mission Description: Good description.

Grant Mission Dialog: Suggest removing the note. You provided enough info in the description and if they didn't play the previous they should.

Mission Task: Good task info

Mission Entry Prompt: Excepting that Map Transition entry limits what you can do with them, you've done a good job with them.

MAPS:
Veela System (Orion Syndicate Asteriod Base): I suppose this is a personal preference but the Map Text should not be a repeat of the Mission Task.
-Spelling error; map name should be "Asteroid" vice Asteriod".
-Second dialog sequence; it reads "approimate location" should be "approximate location".
-Disabling SATs: I liked the effect you used and I was actually hoping I'd get jumped on the first one by Orion's and you didn't disappoint.

[color="Red"]Orion Syndicate Base (Interior): The fourth wall again.
-Again Map Text should not be a repeat of the Mission Task.
-Good dialog with Colonel Jensen throughout.
-Good balanced fights.

[color="Red"]Veela System (Transwarp To Star System NGC-XO-MUDD): Fourth wall again.
-Map Text versus Mission Task.
-Ambassador dialog button; "Yes,but" should be "Yes, but".
-Transwarp effect was excellent despite the limitations of the map transfer within the Foundry. Good job.

Star System NGC-XO-MUDD (Comet): Fourth wall.
-Map text and Mission task again.
-Good dialog and storytelling with the exception of the breaking the fourth wall.
-Good balanced ship fights.
-The dialog with the Orion Captain was very well written.

Conference Room Three (Deck 5): Fourth wall again.
-Map text and Mission task again.
-Device dialog button; reads "planet.Explain" should be "planet. Explain"
-Dialog was well written and drew me into the story. It also made me laugh out loud with the "Battle A.X.E.” reference. Good job!

Planet Mudd (Class-K): Map Text versus Mission task.
-Well done on the placement of the drones. It was fun avoiding them.

Domed Android Facility: Fourth wall.
-Map Text versus Mission Task.
-Good balanced battle into the facility.
-Good story development and execution.
-Dialog button: "Actually,I" should be "Actually, I"

Transwarp From Planet Mudd Back To Veela System: Fourth wall.
-Map Text versus Mission Task.
-Dialog with H.F.M. Mark Two, very well done.
-The Transwarp exit effect was very nice. Good job.

Veela System (End Of Mission): Map Text versus Mission Task.
-Entry from the Transwarp Conduit was very well done. It looked like I flew right through the hole in the asteroid. Great work!
-Great ending to the story. You wrapped it up nicely.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Brian

From original posting on 09/18/2011 Forum posting for: A Relic's Return (Conclusion). Author’s response is located on that posting.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 1: Frontier Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HHCH7436S
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: Starfleet has intercepted a transmission of unknown origin in the Beytan System. The signal is very weak and Starfleet would like you to investigate further.
Federation Mission: Frontier Pioneer
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HHCH7436S

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission and an excellent start to the series. Your map design and effect execution was quite well done. The ground battles were tough but I consider them balanced as long as you ask for help. The space battles at the end are good and tough too.

The dialog for this mission is very well written and executed quite well. It served the story and kept me interested in finding out what was coming next. You did a great job on the story and the dialog that drove it. One point that I call out below on two different maps is in regard to referring to the Sol system as “our system”. The purpose of my recommendations for both maps is based on the concept that not all players characters or their away teams will be from the Sol system. So it can be a little awkward.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Good description. You gave a clear mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: Great dialog with a clearly defined mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Great use of the Map Text for the first custom map entry location. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry prompt dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the dialog; "She has also ordered us on radio silence" to read "She has also ordered us to maintain radio silence". This change would sound a little more military.

MAPS:
Beytan II: Good simple map design with great dialog that serves to drive the story forward. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Admiral T'Lee dialog; consider changing "This planet is still an active investigation so make a special effort to disturb nothing" to read "There is still an active investigation of this planet underway so make a special effort to disturb nothing".

Beytan II Surface: This is a great map and the dialog is very well written. The battles are challenging and the assistance definitely helps. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post Scan Reading Admiral T'Lee dialog; consider changing the [OOC] dialog "and she grabs it" to read "and she takes it". Unless the intent is to indicate the Admiral is impatient or angry with the player.
-Post Scan Additional Probe Debris dialog; consider changing "around our solar system" to read "around the Sol star system". The reason for this recommendation is my away team science officer is a Reman. ;o)
-You should consider placing a re-spawn point closer to the fight.

Colony Building: The dialog is very well written and the map design is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the response buttons from “Continue” to the Captain responding to input from the crew, “Let’s go” or something along those lines as appropriate to the preceding dialog.

Beytan II Orbit: This is a great map. The dialog is very well written and served to drive the story to a good conclusion for this episode of the series. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post battle dialog; consider changing the response button on the last dialog screen with the Romulan to “Close Channel” vice “End Channel”
-Bridge Science Officer dialog; as before consider changing "our solar system" to read "the Sol star system"

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am looking forward to playing your other mission in this series. I want to see where this goes next.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/01/2011 on forum posting for: The Pioneer Series by Kahn.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 2: Pioneering the Frontier
Project ID: ST-HTW3J5HEY
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: After Starfleet Engineers have uncoded the data from the Pioneer 11 spacecraft they discover something... disturbing. Starfleet has ordered you to the Alpha Centauri Sector to stop the Romulans from taking advantage. Meet Admiral T'Lee in the Terrh System for further instructions.
Federation Mission: Pioneering the Frontier
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HTW3J5HEY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: I thoroughly enjoyed this mission. The story elements in the dialog were well written and propelled the story forward from one event to the next. Your map design was excellent and the effects on them were very well executed. The battles you designed are tough but a good challenge requiring some tactics in the engagement of the enemy. This mission overall is a great sequel to the first mission and an excellent bridge to the next episode in the series. I highly recommend this mission. It is a good story driven investigation with challenging battles throughout to keep you on your toes.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Good description. You gave a clear mission start location. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Engineers have uncoded" to read "Engineers have decoded".

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written and drives the story. The mission start location is very clearly given in the dialog and at the end in the mission dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The "Greetings" at the start of the dialog refers to me by Rank and First Name.

Mission Task: The mission task is very clearly given and easy to follow. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: The entry prompt dialog is good and the use of the button was well done.

MAPS:
Terrh III: The story dialog and map design are quite good. The battle is a good surprise and just about right in difficulty. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Admiral T'Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Consider changing "I wish it were on better" to read "I wish it were under better".
-Consider changing "What is not known and wasn't known until you uncovered the computer core" to read "What wasn't known until you recovered the computer core".
-The scan beacons dialog; consider changing the response buttons from "Continue" to "Set course" or something along those lines.
-The post scan Texas dialog; consider changing the response buttons from "Continue" to "That is unusual" or something that a Captain might say to their bridge officer to acknowledge the report.
-The post scan Texas Admiral T’Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Consider changing "we have left of what" to read "we have left or what".

U.S.S. Texas Interior: The dialog and map design are well done. The triggering of the rumble and explosion effects is very well done. The battles are tough but very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post access Romulan computer dialog; consider changing the response button from “Continue” to an acknowledgement of the Tactical Officers report and about having my back. This issue seems to be in a lot of dialog. You should consider examining all response buttons to address this issue where applicable. I will not note further in this report.
-Science officer dialog; consider changing "spread though this deck" to read "spread through this deck".
-Consider changing "Perhaps if we can access the computer system we can find out more" to read "If we can access the computer system we may be able to find out more".
-The last battle is very tough so you might want to consider adding a re-spawn somewhere closer that triggers in the explosion before the last console and before the last battle.
-Go to bridge dialog; consider changing "I suspect what we are looking for has to be there" to read "I suspect what we are looking is there".
-Consider changing "as i'm also" to read "as I'm also".

Texas Bridge: This map was very well designed and the execution of the effects was very well done. The dialog was well written and served to drive the story forward. The battle was tough but a good challenge. Well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Post battle Admiral T'Lee dialog; she refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Post energy ball scan dialog; away team officer refers to me by Rank and First Name.
-Beam out dialog; consider changing "the bridge officer cant" to read "the bridge officer can't".
-The bridge officer again refers to me by Rank and First Name.

Terrh III Orbit: Nice simple map with well written dialog that brings this chapter to a close. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item that seemed to not work:
-The Texas I assume was supposed to explode and disappear. There was no explosion however I also know there is a bug in the space explosions effects within the Foundry. There is nothing you can do about this until they fix that issue but I thought you should know about it.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission is an excellent sequel and I can hardly wait to play the next episode in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/02/2011 on forum posting for: The Pioneer Series by Kahn.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Part 3: The Final Pioneer
Project ID: ST-HLTBEX8IN
Language: English
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description: Admiral T'Lee's Assistant has sent you a private communication requesting your help. She wishes you to meet her at Earth Space Dock to help her unfold the mystery surrounding her recent disappearance. Meet her and save the Admiral from certain peril before time runs out, and The Master enslaves all the life forums in the known universe. Boldly go, to The Final Pioneer.
Federation Mission: The Final Pioneer
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HLTBEX8IN

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This sequel mission is very well written, the maps are well designed with good effect execution. The battles from space to the ground are tough but not impossible if you use tactics and cover. You did a great job in the overall design of the entire series. I thoroughly enjoyed playing each of the missions and seeing where the story was going to go next. You drew me in and held my attention throughout. Another element of your writing was the [OOC] dialog in the story to help set the mood and describe what was going on in the story. This element made the story much more involved and enjoyable.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This dialog is very well written with a clearly defined mission start location. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-You should consider giving the Admiral’s assistant a name. It seems a little awkward for her to refer to herself as the Admiral’s assistant when closing the communications.

Mission Task: The mission task is well written and the interact NPC location is easy to find on the map. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the mission task more clearly define the location of the follow on meeting in the lower levels of ESD. Something like “in a room” that way the player will actively look for the door they are to use to access the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: Excellent mission entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Earth Space Dock (Actual) : Good dialog and I won’t give you credit for the design. I would like to compliment you on using the lower level of ESD. I have not seen the lower level used as an entry point for any other missions yet. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-At the end of the Admiral’s Assistant dialog; consider changing the response button to “Thank you” or “We’ll keep you posted” or something along those lines.
-Ships Engineer [OOC] dialog; consider changing “as you are haled” to “as you are hailed”.
-Consider changing “but may be worth” to read “but it may be worth”.

ESD Lower Level Storage Room: The dialog is great and serves to draw me into the story. The map design is nice and simple. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "It mission was" to read "Its mission was".
-Consider changing "then reported back to the Master" to read "then report back to the Master"
-Consider changing "give up with their new cause" to read "give up their new cause".
-Consider changing "I won't get into detail" to read "I won't go into detail"
-Consider changing the response button "so where is the Signal?" to read "So where is the signal?"

Sarita VII: This map is very well designed and the battle is well balanced. The dialog is also very well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Tactical Officer dialog; consider changing "I'm reviving a hail" to "I'm receiving a hail".

Utopia Bridge: The dialog is very well written and I like the twist in the panel activation. The map design and detail execution is very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Log Entry - Stardate 27810.47 dialog; consider changing "initially began work to it" to read "initially began working on it".
-Consider changing "The Master doesn't stand for delays" to read "The Master won't stand for delays".
-Log Entry - Stardate 27890.98 dialog; consider changing "would not like to be delayed" to read "will not tolerate any delay".
-Log Entry - Stardate 27900.10 dialog; consider changing "was installed quickly earlier" to read "has been installed ahead of schedule".
-Post log entry dialog; consider changing "clearly studding the" to read "clearly studying the".

Planet Surface: This map is an excellent design and the execution of the effects as they are triggered is well done. The dialog is great and serves to drive the story forward. The battles are tough but not bad if you use tactics and cover. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial entry dialog; the Away Team Engineering Officer refers to the player by the first name.
-Post 2nd console interact dialog; the Away Team Tactical Officer refers to the player by the first name.
-Admiral T’Lee dialog; opposite of the other notes for this map it is perfectly appropriate for the Admiral to refer to the player by the first name.
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "a calming chirp of the computer" to read "the calming chirp of the computer.

U.S.S. Utopia: The story dialog is excellent and a great wrap up to the entire mission series. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making Lt. Bisik stationary. It is annoying when you are reading his dialog and he runs off which closes the window.
-Jel Trax dialog; consider changing "should he succeeded" to read "if he would've succeeded"
-Consider moving Jel Trax’s handshake from Admiral T’Lee’s dialog to the beginning of her dialog with the player.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/03/2011 on forum posting for: The Pioneer Series by Kahn.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 48
11-03-2011, 08:57 PM
Thanks again for the excellent feedback on the series! If you ever get the chance I'd be interested to see what you think of my Klingon mission, "Trill Death Do We Part"

Again thanks for the review. Your suggestions and time have help me loads and I appreciate you taking the time.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 49
11-04-2011, 02:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Thanks again for the excellent feedback on the series! If you ever get the chance I'd be interested to see what you think of my Klingon mission, "Trill Death Do We Part"

Again thanks for the review. Your suggestions and time have help me loads and I appreciate you taking the time.
I will play this mission shortly. Thanks for giving me a chance to review your work.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahn View Post
Thanks again for the excellent feedback on the series! If you ever get the chance I'd be interested to see what you think of my Klingon mission, "Trill Death Do We Part"

Again thanks for the review. Your suggestions and time have help me loads and I appreciate you taking the time.
Klingon Mission - Trill Death Do We Part
Author: Kahn
Allegiance: Klingon
ST- HJXNCSYDP

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission and I thoroughly enjoyed playing it right up to the Federation Base. I read your note regarding the map fall through and sure enough I fell through. I tried to reenter 4 times and finally had to drop the mission. I do not hold you the author responsible for issues that are clearly outside their control. I fully intend to replay the mission as soon as you let me know this issue is fixed. If you need a test player to see if anything you try fixes it just let me know.

Regarding the map fall through issue, I found a similar issue with one of the maps I designed for a Klingon mission I made. In testing my characters fell through the map almost every time. As odd as it sounds I simply turned the spawn point 180 degrees from the original facing position and it appears to have resolved it. At least I haven’t received any feedback regarding the issue. Ultimately the map you used needs to be fixed by the Devs. If you haven’t filed a bug report on this issue yet I suggest you do so.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is very well written and you provide a location for the mission start. The author’s notes are very helpful and make for a good warning. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: Great mission grant dialog. I really like the [OOC] dialog you include which helps the story. Your inclusion of the mission start location is very clear. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Very clear and well defined mission start location. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: Great entry dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Danteri V: The story dialog is excellent and the map is well designed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Qu’Voh: Great story dialog and the map design with effects are very well done. The battle was a good balanced fight. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Suggest changing the response button to Captain Azlee Ltin to “We’ll get right on it” or something along those lines.

Danteri V Orbit: The story dialog is very well written. The map and battle are very well designed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Danteri V Surface: The story dialog is good. The map design and battles are very well done. The battles do require tactics when engaging the enemy. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button to the post battle Captain Azlee Ltin dialog to “On our way” or something other than “Continue”.

Federation Base: I tried four separate times and kept falling through the floor. I had to drop the mission at this point and will redo it once the issue with the map is resolved.

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing this mission once the issue with the Federation Base map is fixed.
Brian
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