Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120


Mission title: City of the Polmar Ree
Author: @alimac30
Project ID: ST-HJGVZQCX
Faction: FED
Minimum rank required to play: Any rank

Synopsis:
Once every 216 years, every sentient species in the galaxy is invited to the extra-galactic space city of the ancient Polmar Ree. It’s been 216 years and the time of the Polmar Ree has come again. Most will go in peace… but in the shadows of an enemy faction, warriors plan a catastrophic attack. Wormholes are opening in every quadrant, starships are gathering, and your invitation has arrived…

Notes:
  • Takes 60 – 90 minutes to play
  • Story-heavy, roleplay mission
  • Mixture of story, investigating, and some shooting
  • Took four months to make
  • Every map is a 100% custom build
  • This is my second Foundry mission (the first being “The Spirits of Ramok Nor”)
  • Brutally honest feedback greatly appreciated!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
11-05-2011, 03:29 PM
this mission has won the captain_revo medal of valor.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
11-05-2011, 08:32 PM
I'll take a look and file my report shortly.

Brian
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by alimac30 View Post
Mission title: City of the Polmar Ree
Author: @alimac30
Project ID: ST-HJGVZQCX
Faction: FED
Minimum rank required to play: Any rank

Synopsis:
Once every 216 years, every sentient species in the galaxy is invited to the extra-galactic space city of the ancient Polmar Ree. It’s been 216 years and the time of the Polmar Ree has come again. Most will go in peace… but in the shadows of an enemy faction, warriors plan a catastrophic attack. Wormholes are opening in every quadrant, starships are gathering, and your invitation has arrived…
Federation Mission - City of the Polmar Ree
Author: alimac30
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HJGVZQCX

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This has got to be one of the best missions I’ve played yet. The details of the story were so well interconnected that it flowed from one event to another in a way that kept my attention throughout. The grandeur of your map design was simply stunning. You mentioned that you spent four months in development of this mission and it shows. I found three or four items that caught my attention and I identified below. I highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story with equally great maps.

Below are a few items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good mission description write up. It serves its purpose to draw in the player and make them want to play it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog and the story are very well written. This is one of the places that serve to draw the player into the game and make them want to play. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: The location to start the mission on the first custom map is very clearly defined. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice and simple dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Donatu System: The dialog is good and the map design well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Arboretum: Wow! This is a great map design. The dialog is extremely well written. The details are stunning. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the Ambassador dialog; it looks as though there is a space between "may I introduce Commander Jorja" and the period. It causes the period to show up by itself right before "She's our".
-There is a crewman on the far side of the platform from the Ambassador that is sitting in the platform.


Rogue Planet 46WHDR: This map is very well designed and the effects are perfectly timed. The dialog is well written and draws me deeper into the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Polmar Ree Space City: This is a very detailed map. The story dialog is very well written. Avoiding a spoiler I'll just say the Ferengi bit in the dialog made me laugh out load. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I only noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the level of the beam down point to be closer to the entry plane of the player. Experienced players will understand they need to fly down to the point but others won’t and it will serve to frustrate them.

Polmar Ree City Interior: The map is great. The intricate dialog with volumes of details available is simply amazing. Thank goodness for the communications log. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

I.K.S. Mow’Ga: Wow! That was really awesome! Your map design is stunning. I especially loved the final map transition point location. The dialog and investigative portions were also brilliantly put together. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Kelso: Another brilliantly designed map and the effects were very well executed. The story dialog is equally brilliant. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I only noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial Captain Dohn dialog; consider changing the response button from "Continue" to "I think we..." or something along those lines.

Donatu System (End): The story dialog was very well written and served to wrap up the story. The map was good and simple. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission is outstanding and everyone who likes a good story should play this mission. I truly look forward to more of your work.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/05/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
11-06-2011, 01:52 AM
Can't wait to check it out!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
11-07-2011, 10:33 AM
I played this mission last night, and I have to give prop's to the author. Very intriguing mission story, and excellent map creation. You did a few things I didn't even think possible in the Foundry, so kudo's to you.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7 Well done!
11-08-2011, 09:49 PM
The best things come to those who wait... Another amazing mission from the author of one of my other favorite missions (The Spirits of Ramok Nor). The maps in this mission mission are beyond incredible, and must be seen to be believed. As a fellow Foundry author, I appreciate the slight-of-hand you applied to exceed the twenty-contact-per-map Foundry limit--very cool! The story was also very good, and the dialogue was impeccable. Four months of editing and polish are clearly evident. Highly recommended with an enthusiastic five stars!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
11-09-2011, 07:51 AM
Feedback for ya!

I gotta say, after playing Spirits I was really looking forward to playing this one. You didn't disappoint! It was a pretty darn good mission with a lot of effort put in! It may sound odd but my favorite parts to this mission were the little things. The WoW! signal throwback, the return of the Ferengi and his GF from Spirits, the potted plant info panels. Don't get me wrong, the fact you built such a surreal and super fitting cityscape was amazing, but I love the little edgings. Devil's in the details!

BTW, the Cityscape, was this something that was started by that old design a city contest? If so, props on turning it into an awesome Trek Styled mission.

Another short digression; my award for unexpected awesome goes to the Bird of Prey end of map transition. I do have to say though that I am a geeky enough person to wonder if there would actually be enough physical room to do that in a Bird of Prey, but I'm not geeky enough to know the answer. So I am happy with shrugging it off do to it's sweetness.

I will admit there were times I began to worry that the plot was going to leave me hanging. IE: Worried about the effects the Polmar Ree technology was giveaway was going to imply on the universe, or that one group was actually playing me for a fool and there was apparently nothing I could do about it... like usual... But the end resolution you gave the the mission actually resolved everything. So I was found shockingly pleased. To tell the truth I was on the ropes with the final decision, so much so that I probably would have brought it down to the 3 second mark, which would have timed it out well. Again, I wasn't all that huge into some things in the plot until the end, but the end resolved my issues spectacularly.


Brutally honest Feedback. Since you asked for it:

I said devil is in the details, so there are two details I do want to mention that I think will help. Both... would be a pain to address though, so the only reason I am bringing it up is because you wanted brutally honest feedback.

You mission goes above and beyond in so many regards that when I see names above characters that are only half Properly categorized part of me cringes. Examples would include things like: "Soandso thanksgiver" where I would expect to see "Soandso Thanksgiver" with Thanksgiver capitalized as I would consider it a title. Seeing half the titles lowercase just looks to me like a spot where the polished missed. Like going almost there but stopping short of the finish line. But I know with the hundreds of re-skinned groups that you used to make those contacts going through them all to find and fix would be a hell. It doesn't adversely effect the mission, and is only something small, but still I found myself going "that's too bad" so I figured I'd say my piece.

The second thing I'm not sure you can fix or adjust but I'll let you know what happened just in case. On the visit to the city I avoided talking to the Vulcan Intelligence Contact until after I had explored, afraid that talking to her first would cause me to miss out on some dialog options and so on. But in fact I had it backwards. Because I didn't talk to her there were some text options or conversations that really appeared out of place, talking about some General I didn't know or thinking ahead and asking wanting to ask for some bloodwine barrels but couldn't until I talked with someone else on the other side of the map about a ship. This was a mistake that I made, so it's not a design flaw per say. Going through and reworking all the dialogs to avoid that or unexpected player actions would be another hell at this point, so I'm not going to ask you to do that. But perhaps adjusting the Objective Description to "Before Mingling, Talk with Vulcan blahblahblah" would be a thought. Again I'm just telling you those things because they happened and/or you asked for brutally honest. Really just picking at loose threads IMO.

Again both those things are small, but honest feedback points for you!

Good luck in any future endeavors you take upon yourself! I look forward to the chance to play them.


P.S.: I Killed the Bridge Troll and Chuckled.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
11-10-2011, 07:06 AM
Hey all,

Many, many thanks for the great feedback in this thread! And apologies for the delayed response - I'm on vacation in Canada this week, so have only sporadic access to internet.

I reallty do appreciate all of the positive comments, so thank you so much. And some valid points raised about small things that aren't working, which I'll look into fixing.

Just wanted to respond to a few comments from you guys:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
-Consider changing the level of the beam down point to be closer to the entry plane of the player. Experienced players will understand they need to fly down to the point but others won’t and it will serve to frustrate them.
That's a very good point, although I don't think I've had any negative comments about it in-game. I may add a hint to the dialogue to queue the player into flying downwards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XR-377 View Post
BTW, the Cityscape, was this something that was started by that old design a city contest? If so, props on turning it into an awesome Trek Styled mission.
Actually no, I built it specifically for this mission. Which only goes to prove that I really am certifiable! :p

Quote:
Originally Posted by XR-377 View Post
Another short digression; my award for unexpected awesome goes to the Bird of Prey end of map transition. I do have to say though that I am a geeky enough person to wonder if there would actually be enough physical room to do that in a Bird of Prey, but I'm not geeky enough to know the answer.
Oh we're all geeks here, it's totally fine! The klingon interior map you're referring to is the interior of the I.K.S. Mow'ga. That ship appears in the 'Rogue Planet 46WHDR' map (where you have to scan the Klingon fleet) and also appears in the 'Polmar Ree City' exterior space map. If you can find it, in both cases you'll see that it's not a B-O-P but is actually a Nausicaan Scourge Dreadnought (I figured it was OK for the KDF to co-opt Nausicaan ships under their pact). The Scourge Dreadnought has a tall curved part at the front, which should allow sufficient height for the particular thing you referred to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XR-377 View Post
On the visit to the city I avoided talking to the Vulcan Intelligence Contact until after I had explored, afraid that talking to her first would cause me to miss out on some dialog options and so on. But in fact I had it backwards. Because I didn't talk to her there were some text options or conversations that really appeared out of place, talking about some General I didn't know or thinking ahead and asking wanting to ask for some bloodwine barrels but couldn't until I talked with someone else on the other side of the map about a ship.
Yes, I've had that exact point raised by one or two other people. It is an issue that affects people who go off and explore before talking to Commander Jorja. I did a few small tinkers with it on Sunday, which I thought would help, but evidently I haven't yet managed to eliminate the issue entirely. I'm on vacation at the moment so I can't log into STO to do any editing, but will definitely be looking at this issue again when I get home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XR-377 View Post
P.S.: I Killed the Bridge Troll and Chuckled.
Hurrah! I wondered how many people would find the Easter Eggs in the arboretum

Thanks again to everybody who's posted feedback in this thread so far. I really appreciate it!

Ali
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
11-13-2011, 07:10 AM
This is maybe one of the best missions, not only in the foundry, but in the hole game. Exelent job!
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