Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Old Bedfellows, KDF mission
11-25-2011, 12:05 AM
So I've just made my first stab at a Klingon mission, "Old Bedfellows". If you check it out, please tell me what you think.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by GMcG View Post
So I've just made my first stab at a Klingon mission, "Old Bedfellows". If you check it out, please tell me what you think.
Klingon Mission - Old Bedfellows
Author: GMcG
Allegiance: Klingon
Mission ID: ST-HPBWL4297

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really good mission. Your map design is very well done and the battles are a well rounded assortment of tough fights and a few simpler ones. The dialog is good. I would definitely recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good mix of dialog and battles along with great map design. Your Klingon character will crave the sting of battle, pun intended, and the glory of victory.

You will notice I noted several instances where you used "Continue" for a response button because it seems odd to me that a bridge officer, away team member of NPC contact make a statement or give the player a report or information and the players response is "Continue". There are places where "Continue" may work, but I would recommend the use of "…" vice "Continue".

One other item I noted on several of the maps is the use of [MissionInfo] feature versus the [OOC] feature when trying to distinguish the difference between the dialog and a description of something the player is doing to help drive the story. You should use the [OOC] feature to describe things versus the [MissionInfo] feature for actual mission related tasks.

Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a simple but intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding an author’s note regarding the length, dialog and battle nature of this mission. That way a player can be prepared for a longer mission with dialog and battles to add to the map design.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a very detailed dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank][LastName]! This is General" to read "[Rank] [LastName], this is General"
-Consider adding hard returns between some of the sentences to spread the dialog out and make it easier to read.
-Consider changing "Report to the Kahless Expanse in Omega Leonis" to read "[MissionInfo]Report to the Kahless Expanse in Omega Leonis[/MissionInfo]" so that it stands out from the regular dialog.

Mission Task: The mission task should contain the start location of the first custom map by using the Map Text field for the first map. This will help players find the start point even though you provide it in your grant mission dialog along with my above recommendation for the change to the way you wrote it in.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
System Ing'kocH DuJo SotH: This is a good map design. The battles are well balanced and fun. The dialog served to drive the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors or issues with any of the features of the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "For the Empire" or something along those lines.

Facility wej'vatlh Soch: This is a really well designed map. The battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is really well done. The “Warn the afterlife a Klingon is coming” was nicely done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's kill these targs" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing the second dialog response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report made by the away team member.
-Consider changing the third dialog response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report made by the away team member.
-The "What is the tactical situation" response dialog; consider changing "[Rank]The station's" to read "[Rank], the stations".
-The "qapla Malth" dialog; consider changing "[MissionInfo] dialog [/MissionInfo]" to read "[OOC] dialog [/OOC]". You should use the [OOC] feature to describe things versus the [MissionInfo] feature for actual mission related tasks.
-The "Continue" response button in this case is actually not a problem, however I generally recommend if there is no appropriate response for dialog use "..." instead.
-The post "Deactivate self destruct" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-Consider moving the console for deactivating the force field closer to the door.
-The post "Reach the far side of the station" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The post "Destroy the Starfleet Assault team" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The post "Lower field" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The post "Interrogate officer" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The post "Defend yourself" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The "Reactivate triolic containment field" console is buried in teh platform.

System Ing'kocH DuJo SotH#2: The map design is good. The space explosion you used worked really well. I think this is the first time I’ve seen it work in all my reviews. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "That was close" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the statement made by the General.

Unknown System: This is a good map design. The battle was good and the dialog was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing the spawn point, battle and objective closer together. It seems to be wasting game time just cruising without full impulse and the objective is still so far away.
-The post “Stay on target” dialog; consider changing "[Rank], There's the Starfleet vessel" to read "[Rank], there's the Starfleet vessel.

Unknown Planet: The map is really well done. The story dialog is well written and the battles are fun. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing "[MissionInfo] dialog [/MissionInfo] to read "[OOC] dialog [/OOC]". You should use the [OOC] feature to describe things versus the [MissionInfo] feature for actual mission related tasks.
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the report/statement made by the away team member.
-The post "Defeat Starfleet survivors" dialog; Consider changing the response button "What is the status of the federation ship" to read "What is the status of the Federation ship"
-The “Question prisoners” dialog; consider changing "[MissionInfo] dialog [/MissionInfo] to read "[OOC] dialog [/OOC]". You should use the [OOC] feature to describe things versus the [MissionInfo] feature for actual mission related tasks.
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to something that acknowledges the dialog made by the away team member.

Strange Cave: This map is good and the battles are tough but not impossible to win. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Scan field node" task; the button "Interact" to read "Examine the field node" or something along those lines.
-At this point I’m going to stop noting the use of “Continue” as a response button.
In the last chamber the two Starfleet didn’t beam in until after the second round of enemy were destroyed.
-For the planting of the charges consider changing the interaction animation to “kneeling” of some kind and then make spatial charges appear at the base of the pillars.

Unknown Planet Surface: This is a good wrap up map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors or issues with any of the features of the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission. I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your work.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/25/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
11-25-2011, 05:54 PM
Whoa, thanks for playing and thanks for the extensive review! I see your point about all the "continues," and your other observations.

Time to go fine tune things a bit!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
11-25-2011, 06:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GMcG View Post
Whoa, thanks for playing and thanks for the extensive review! I see your point about all the "continues," and your other observations.

Time to go fine tune things a bit!
No problem. I really liked the mission. Thanks again for authoring.
Brian
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